This is going to be a looong post. My DD just turned 6 months and I have had anxieties about naming her since she was born in October. My partner and I live in Scotland but I am a Swedish-speaking Finn and my husband in Dutch. It's been important to us that the name could work here as well as in our home countries. During pregnancy we had been referring to the bump as "Ebba". We ruled out actually naming her Ebba for several reasons: the name is popular in Sweden but we live in Scotland where the name is almost unheard of, we were worried it sounds cute on a girl but not mature enough on an adult, and lastly it rhymes a bit with "he bah" in Dutch which means gross. So we had a shortlist of 3 names picked out instead - Ava, Lena and Elin. Before she was born we agreed to Lena (pronounced Leh-na), my DHs pick. However, the first time someone read the name out in hospital they pronounced it "Lina". We were both put off by this and my DH had some negative associations with "Lina" he couldn't get past. Looking back at our shortlist he decided he no longer liked "Ava" because it sounded too religious, and "Elin" (my favourite) I thought would also be too difficult to pronounce in Scotland - our preferred pronunciation is Eh-lin not Ellen (it is also a euphemism for penis in Finnish and I thought sometimes it sounded like alien). We then went back to the drawing board.
As we had 14 days to register her, we were starting to get a bit stressed. Not to mention I had quite a difficult time in hospital the first week which made it very difficult to think clearly. We started using the name Liv (a name meaning life) and DH previously didn't like the name but had warmed to it. I thought we finally had a name we both agreed on. Then with only four days left until our registration, my DH wanted to try all the other previous names we discussed just to "be sure". This got me very confused. The names we also tested were Evelyn and Alma. I have loved the name Evelyn for ages but worried it wasn't Scandinavian enough to pair with my surname. We both liked Alma because of it's simplicity and meaning. It's become very popular in Sweden, Denmark and France.
I made a previous post on Mumsnet and both Alma and Liv got slated which sent me on a tailspin. I became worried that Liv would be confused for a nickname for Olivia and Alma doesn't work in the UK because of negative connotations here with Coronation street and pubs, plus Sister Act. With literally 8 minutes left before the registration appointment I still couldn't decide. My DH was pushing to make the decision rather than delay and that his preference was Alma but told me I should go for Liv because it was a name I liked and he didn't want me to regret our daughter's name. We registered her as Liv Tove (Tove being a family name). Immediately after registration my DH went off the name because of the Swedish pronunciation "Leev" but would still be okay to call her Liv. I was feeling immensely anxious at this time and worried we had made a mistake. I didn't want our DD to have a name my DH wasn't keen on and I also didn't like switching pronunciation between languages.
It turned out we could easily have delayed registration for a week. I was angry with DH for pressuring me during such a difficult time. We hardly called her Liv after the registration. I poured myself into weighing out the pros and cons of all names. The names I liked were Matilda, Agnes and Beatrice but they were ruled out by DH. We just couldn't find a name we both agreed on. We started to wonder if we could actually just call her Ebba as that was a name we had gotten so fond of having used it during pregnancy. My Dutch in-laws said that it doesn't sound too much like he-bah (gross). I was still worried it was too rare and could be mistaken for Abba. My dad who is also a Swedish-speaking Finn had never even heard of the name before which was surprising!
We decided to try the name Ebba Elin for 2 months and if there were no issues that came up then we would officially change her name. (We chose Elin because it works in the Netherlands too as a back up and is also a family name). 2 months came and went and while we were using the name I still wasn't sure about it. I sometimes felt embarrassed and worried about people's reactions. It hasn't been too problematic, we only got Abba once and Emma a few times, but certainly some faces have been pulled. Mostly it's been accepted but my anxieties haven't subsided. I told DH when she was 4 months that I think my actual preference is Alma and if I had been sure about Ebba then we would have changed it already. You can only change the name once and I want to make sure it's right. Things are difficult in my marriage and I think if we weren't together her name wouldn't be Ebba. I just want my DD to have a name I really love and can stand proudly by.
I have been putting off doing anything because of my post partum depression, this was not a decision I wanted to make when I wasn't feeling well but I'm worried it's getting too late now. She is 6 months and will be able to recognise her name as Ebba soon, I have to do something. Either decide to keep it as Ebba or change to something else. DH loves the name Ebba but would change it to her middle name if we could find a first name we agree on.
The two names we have found now are Vivian and Elise. Vivian is lovely because it means lively. Cons are my surname starts with a D so her initials would be VD, and not sure how Vivian Ebba sounds? At the moment Elise is my favourite the only downside is that it means God's promise but we both think it sounds beautiful. I was initially worried it sounded too French and it may get confused with Elsie. Alma is also still in the mix but may actually be too popular abroad. I realise there is no perfect name but I think I like those names better than Ebba. I worry however about announcing a name change to friends and family. It's already so messy and complicated. That means the options are: Vivian Ebba D, Elise Ebba D, Alma Ebba D (then she'd have the same initials as me AED) OR keep the name Ebba with Ebba Elise D or original Ebba Elin D?
I have tried to seek help for this as I realise my anxieties are also because of perinatal depression. I've spoken to a therapist but haven't gotten much out of it. I have now made an appointment with a hypnotherapist to see if that will be of any help.
What should I do? Well done for reading this far.
Please be kind!
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Baby girl name crisis - 6 months too late to change?
Newmamma10 · 17/04/2024 11:40
I love Liv, it's a great name.
If you do want to change it, what about Alba? It's a mix of Alma and Ebba and might suit her.
I hope you're getting help with your PND, name regret can be a huge focus point with this 
Axx · 17/04/2024 13:04
I love Liv, it's a great name.
If you do want to change it, what about Alba? It's a mix of Alma and Ebba and might suit her.
I hope you're getting help with your PND, name regret can be a huge focus point with this
BreadAhoy · 17/04/2024 12:55
Ebba Elin is lovely! If she feels Ebba isn’t right for her when she is a grown up, then she can use Elin which is a fantastic elegant name; she will easily be able to correct any mispronunciation (Ellen over Eh-lin) but in the meantime she can enjoy being called Ebba which is a sweet and unusual name, easily pronounced and spelled. You mentioned that you haven’t had any bad reactions to the name or misunderstanding in the past two months so that is good news! It is also nice because it is the name you used before she was born.
I think it may also help you to just stick with this name and manage your anxieties, rather than hoping that once you find the “right” name, your anxieties will go away. Best wishes.
Axx · 17/04/2024 13:28
@ClaudiaWinklepanda I thought it meant Dawn
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