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Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Baby names

Is this stealing?!!

85 replies

Stilldreamingofsun · 23/09/2016 16:49

Background- my BF has three boys. Very unlikely to have any more kids but I know she would love a girl. She has a lot of health issues and her husband doesn't want anyone so it's highly unlikely. She picked out a name which I love for her last child, in case it was a girl. Would it be mean if I used this for my daughter that is due in a few weeks? Is she entitled to own the name? Would she be justified in feeling pissed off?!!!

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hownottofuckup · 23/09/2016 19:35

I think you should ask! Just say, I love the name but I don't want to use it if it would upset you your friendship means more to me then that so please be honest. Friends be honest with each other don't they? I'd much rather my friend asked then be afraid to.

PotatoBread · 23/09/2016 19:35

I think it would be very insensitive of you given the circumstances.

What about Merryn as others have suggested?

Leopard12 · 23/09/2016 19:36

Just say I loved the name Mirren after you said it for your ds, would you mind if we used it or would you rather keep it as yours, we wouldn't want to upset you over it! Gage reaction then decide if she's not keen (even if she says go for it) don't use it!

hownottofuckup · 23/09/2016 19:36

I also think it would be better to be upfront and ask then choose a very similar name like Merryn.

Stilldreamingofsun · 23/09/2016 19:41

There is an Irish name- Muireann. Spelling is a bit crazy and probably too close to Mirren to get away with...

OP posts:

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 23/09/2016 21:58

Still, you've been best friends for 25 years. Speak to her, my guess is, she will be honoured for you to bring to life her chosen name, after all, she will be playing a special part in your daughters life. The asking her to be a Godmother suggestion, is a lovely idea.
Don't just shelve the name, share your thoughts with her 💐

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 23/09/2016 21:59

Merryn is a lovely alternative.

BabooshkaKate · 23/09/2016 22:02

My aunt named my cousin the same name as me as we were born within months of each other no one saw it as a big deal, in fact it was specifically a compliment.

Use the name OP but make sure you love it for its own sake instead of liking it because someone else does.

EarthboundMisfit · 23/09/2016 22:04

No, don't do it. It's not stealing, but, given the circumstances you have described, it's pretty cruel.

kmini · 23/09/2016 22:11

Just ask her. My bf had two before her last DS and always loved my DS' name. She tentatively broached it with me when pregnant with DC3 and DH and I said fine. She had a boy and if we ever end up back in the same city then we joke there will be Little Tom and Big Tom (they are tall & we are short) . Probably slightly easier as our DS name is pretty common.

Pipilangstrumpf · 24/09/2016 11:16

I wouldn't use it. She is your best friend and sad about not having a little girl. I think it would be insensitive to use the name she had wanted to use if she had had a girl. I wouldn't even ask her.

There are thousands of names and hopefully you can find another name you love. Good luck!

Pipilangstrumpf · 24/09/2016 11:17

Excactly, it is not 'stealing' and no, she is not 'entitled' to any name, but it would just be cruel and insensitive.

chinlo · 24/09/2016 11:45

I wouldn't use it, but I really think some Mumsnetters have a very loose definition of the word "cruel"!!

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 24/09/2016 11:50

I'd be so upset with you if you were my friend.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 24/09/2016 11:56

Names are are really personal thing everywhere other than Mumsnet it seems!
Lots of people don't just choose from the top ten!
I've had my children's names picked since I was a teenager as have many of my friends! The names have meaning behind them, they are a part of me! For someone else to be so utterly lacking in imagination that they have to steal someone else's name is just alien to me! Is your child not special enough to be awarded their own name?
You say she wants more children but through no choice of her own will probably not be able to. She's probably grieving over that. So you want to steal the name she picked? That's just a special kind of nastiness.

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone · 24/09/2016 11:56

Do you think you might want it as you know you can't really use it? We're all a bit guilty of wanting something we can't have sometimes

srslylikeomg · 24/09/2016 11:59

Yeah: you can't use that name.

marmiteandcheeseplease · 24/09/2016 11:59

Wow some harsh responses on here. People don't 'own' names no matter the circumstances. If she's that good a friend surely you can talk about it, honestly?

MostlyHet · 24/09/2016 12:12

When I was pregnant (and already knew I was having a boy, and had chosen a name) a colleague gave birth about a month before me, and chose the same name. I simply said "that's a lovely name, in fact I've already chosen it for my DS". No problem. However, in your situation it may be a bit more awkward as your friend has a history of wanting a girl and having not conceived one, so she may be touchy. I'd probably either ask, or go with "we're wanting to call DD xyz, hope you don't mind."

Ironically, my closest female friend (met post birth, but we go on holiday together, go camping together) has a DS same age as mine, with the same name!

margiebargie · 24/09/2016 12:18

Have you not had any conversations with her about names for your baby?

I would just ask her for name suggestions - say you're stuck, and ask her for her favourite names. See if she puts Mirren on the list or not.

Flappergirl86 · 24/09/2016 17:41

Nobody owns a name but she'd be mortified if you did that. It's breaking the Friend Code. Even if she appeared cool with it you know that deep down she'd always harbour some resentment. It's not rational but it's true. I'd be devastated if it were me but I'd never admit it!

Zippidydoodah · 24/09/2016 18:04

Would mirren have even crossed your mind, if your best friend hadn't mentioned it?

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Meowlster · 24/09/2016 18:16

I wonder if she'd mind if you didn't use it, given everything you've said. I'd sit her down as some pp,have said, and asked for inspirations for girls' names, and mention you'd love to use Mirren, but of course you can't just in case. She might love for you to use it, and help her put to bed lingering wants for a girl... You'll never know if you don't have that conversation.

I love the name Mirren, and if we were to have another it would def be on our short list.

raviolidreaming · 24/09/2016 18:37

However, it would be s childish thing to fall out over

Easy to say when you'll be 'the winner'. I think you're right to rule it out - unless you discuss it with her and she suggests it of course!

Stilldreamingofsun · 24/09/2016 21:30

I'm definitely not going to use it!!!! Thanks for the honesty- it's been an interesting conversation.

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