Is this stealing?!!

[Stilldreamingofsun]

Background- my BF has three boys. Very unlikely to have any more kids but I know she would love a girl. She has a lot of health issues and her husband doesn't want anyone so it's highly unlikely. She picked out a name which I love for her last child, in case it was a girl. Would it be mean if I used this for my daughter that is due in a few weeks? Is she entitled to own the name? Would she be justified in feeling pissed off?!!!

[sycamore54321]

Just because it was her 'girl' name for her previous baby, doesn't necessarily mean it will be her first choice if she were to have another child. Some people don't like using the 'alternative' name of the next baby is the other sex, and will prefer to start afresh. So maybe she hunks like that!

Also, I think there is a big difference in someone deciding they would definitely call a hypothetical baby boy/girl X name and actually arriving at that agreement between both of the child's parents. I might have dreamed since age six of my children being called Topsy and Tim but if my partner absolutely hates those names, then it's unlikely I will use them.

[beela]

I'd talk to her and see what she says.

Miriam as an alternative??

[DavidPuddy]

It is possible that if she knows that she will be unlikely to have a daughter then she might like the idea that the name is actually used, you never know. You could broach the subject lightly with her.

Friend: Thought of any names yet?
You: A few ideas, actually we love your idea of Mirren, but of course we can't take that from you.
Await reaction.

[chinlo]

Okay that's not exactly a common name, lol. It was number 2328 in the ONS rankings for 2015. Does make it worse, since that's hardly a coincidental "oh, we both happened to think of and like Isla" situation.

Also it's a surname. You can find something much better

[Stilldreamingofsun]

Yes, I think I just have to put it completely out of my head and try to find another. It's SO perfect though 😬😬

[Zippidydoodah]

Oh! Well. It's not exactly a common name.

I agree with the comment above re: Isla; could try and gauge reaction if it was a common name but absolutely not with a surname.

[DustOffYourHighestHopes]

I wouldn't.

how much is the friendship worth to you?

[Stilldreamingofsun]

The friendship is worth more, of course. I don't think it's even worth opening up this can of worms!!!

[DustOffYourHighestHopes]

You might feel yearny pangs now, but if you make up a shortlist, when she comes out you might be surprised by what names suddenly fit her face and personality. It (hopefully) will be a non-problem!

[NappingRabbit]

Could you use Merryn instead? Similar but not THE name.

[Zippidydoodah]

I just googled it- are you Scottish? Seems it might be more popular in Scotland than it is here in England? I suppose it is quite pretty, the more I look at it.

How about Lauren? Has a similar sound?

[Jojo13]

If I were in your friends position, especially knowing I'm not likely to have another child, I would probably be happy for my best friend to use it. I would feel a bit of an arse being pissed off about it in the circumstances. I'd be glad someone I love got to use the name.

[ifipop]

If it was me I would be really really annoyed and upset especially if I longed for a girl but would never have one.
She should never have told you or anyone her chosen names anyway because it always results in situations like this.

[Dogolphin]

Merryn instead?

[greenfolder]

I had 3 dds. I had the same boys name, Rory, picked out for dds2 and 3..one of my friends told me after I had dd3 that they could use the name now. My view was that they could have in any event
Uld

[Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016]

Mm I have 8 sons and had girls names also picked - imagine if anyone I knew DARED to use one of MY names?!?!
Couldn't have given a fuck tbh!!

[Stilldreamingofsun]

Yes but I know she longs for a girl and even though that ship has probably sailed, she still threatens to go again (after a few drinks!) She didn't mean to tell everyone the name- her husband sent the announcement of a girl text message instead of the boy 😂😂 There was a lot of confusion in the first few days and some people thought she had twins 😂😂

[GingerbreadCake]

You'd be a bit of a twat to use it to be honest. If she went so far as to have a text with the name prepared and you know about that it seems a deliberately malicious move. If you like her choose another to spare her feelings especially since she can't have another for health reasons. You must know you're being a teeny bit spiteful?

[GoNorthDarren]

Don't do it! Sorry - I totally agree on the whole "nobody owns a name" thing, but there is no name on this earth which is perfect enough that I would want to hurt my best mate over it. This would hurt a "sensitive" woman who "longs for" a girl but is unlikely to have the chance to have one.

[BertrandRussell]

It would be an arsehole thing to do.

And don't ask her. Because there is no possible answer but "no, of course that's absolutely fine". And it isn't.

[GingerbreadCake]

It's even worse that you're considering this after she didn't even mean to disclose the name and her husband did by mistake.

[MythicalChicken]

That would be a rotten thing to do. Can't believe you're considering it, tbh.

[Stilldreamingofsun]

No, I'm ruling it out- my mind was pretty much made up anyway. Just wanted to see the general reaction. I think if it were me, I couldn't care less. But her situation is different.

[MyNameWasAlreadyTaken]

You could always ask her, along the lines of, it's such a beautiful name, would you mind if I were to call DD it in your honour?