DH time off work

[Gracie123]

More of an 'Are We being unreasonable?' really...

DH boss has just told him via email at 10pm last night that he may not have the requested time off to take me to consultant appointment on thursday (despite having changed the appointment twice already because it was inconvenient to them). She doesn't even give a reason! Just no!!!

DH thinks it's because he was off last week, but that was leave for a university course he is on that they pay for because they want him to have more qualifications!!

He has gone in today to tell her that he will be taking thursday off, and would she like him to arrange cover or not.

Bit difficult, but I do think it's unreasonable to email at 10pm three days before the appointment when he requested leave over a week ago.

Also, we are nearly three weeks late with this appointment because the first two appointments were inconvenient for work.

The fact is we live an hour and 10 minutes from the hospital, and I can't drive at the moment, so it's not optional.

There is also always that possibility that I will stay in and have a section (pre-eclampsia), so DH would need to take parental leave to look after DS anyway.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

[Gracie123]

Well it seems to have worked! DH simply walked into her office and said he had arranged cover and would be taking Thursday off to which she replied 'okay. I hope Gracie is alright'.

Made out she had always intended to give him the time off (which is bull if you read the email) but I don't care, because the outcome is all fine.

DH is very excited. He doesn't put his foot down often and I don't think he expected it to be so easy

[ginnybag]

Under those circumstances, his employer is definitely being unreasonable - but that's assuming she knows the details? Does she?

Because if she does, then she's not only unreasonable, she's a heartless cow.

Your husband is telling her there may, God forbid, be something wrong with both his wife and his unborn child, and she's sending him an email to say he can't have the time??

It's heartless and it's cowardly! Good on him for telling her where to stuff it!

Can he go over her head, explain the circumstances and put in a formal complaint? He's legally entitled to parental leave in these circumstances (because who looks after your son if you need that section?) and she'd need a damn good business reason to say no. You've rearranged this appointment more than enough times, it's not routine, and there's no way you should be risking two hours by public transport with a two year old alone if you have a partner!

IF she knows.

Tell him to explain fully, even if sharig the details is uncomfortable - if she still says no, go over her head and make that complaint!

[Gracie123]

Thanks - you didn't seem heartless, I just realised that I hadn't been very clear in my op as to what the circumstances were (I wouldn't normally expect DH to get time off so I could see the GP IYSWIM.

It's just difficult being in the middle of nowhere too because our social life is on site, which means that everyone here is working for the same employer, so she can understand why I don't have friends who can take me (if she won't let DH have time off for his wife, she's not going to give others time off for a friend!)

Really nervous for poor DH. I can't believe he's going to do it. He never normally asks for favours and has covered loads of other people for less. He finds it hard to be assertive, so I was shocked when he announced last night that he was going to tell her he was having the time off.

[Gracie123]

To clear things up a bit (boss is aware of the situation) not only am I at risk with Pre-eclampsia (so every time I am monitored is a risk they will send me into hospital for C-section), but at last appointment I was told the baby may not be conscious (constant heart rate with no variations) so this isn't exactly a routine appointment.

It will include a scan (although not really sure what difference that makes).

Because of the nature of DH job (we have to live on site) we are about a 25 minute drive from nearest train station, which is on a different line to the one the hospital is on (so would have to get train 45 min to major city then 1 hour back out to hospital) with 2yo DS.

There are several more senior members of staff having babies in the next two months, none of whom struggle to get time off for partners 'routine' appointments. Even the ones who can drive themselves.

Also, the reason I can't drive is pg and medication related, I normally do drive myself everywhere.

DH job is a 24 hour on call kind of job too, so even if the hospital was open in evenings/weekends for appointments, would make no difference. He works x number months on, x number off, so it's not like we could arrange an appointment for when he is not working.

[flowerybeanbag]

Sorry, GiddyPickle !

[flowerybeanbag]

No idea why she would say no, and on the face of it that doesn't sound particularly reasonable. Although as GiddyPickly said, lots of DHs aren't able to accompany women to their hospital appointments, so unless you've postponed it because your DH's boss indicated she would then agree it, then it's not necessarily as unreasonable as it might sound.

I mentioned the goodwill issue because you said he may need to take parental leave and I was assuming that was from this job.

[mumblechum]

As he's leaving anyway I think he'll get away with it.

[Gracie123]

He actually can arrange cover himself, and regularly does when he is required to do work away off site etc...

so no really sure why she would say no?

TBH, he finishes working there in two weeks, which is partly why we are not too bothered about keeping good will for paternity leave. Fact is his new job doesn't start until september, so he will definitely get plenty of time off with LO.

I just can't believe she is doing this. I have spent nearly 2 months on waiting lists for these appointments in total (because I keep having to reschedule) and if it's put off again I'm likely to have the baby before I've met the consultant!

[Butterbur]

I think his employers are being very unreasonable. I've never worked in an environment where his request would be turned down.

Whatever his job, there must be some mechanism where cover can be provided if he is ill, and this should kick into life in this situation too.

[flowerybeanbag]

YANBU to be fed up that she's declined his request to take time off to accompany you to the hospital but I'm afraid he is BU to 'tell her' he will be taking the time off.

If she's refused a request, that may or may not be unreasonable depending on the circumstances, but him announcing that he's taking the time anyway will probably destroy any goodwill he is likely to need later on, for example if he makes a request to take parental leave (which can be postponed), or wants time off for further appointments. If he says he is ignoring her instructions and is not going to turn up for work there's no way she's going to be flexible and helpful later.

[Gracie123]

Anyone?