To not let my dd3.7 have any pudding?

[morejuiceplease]

She was promised chocolate trifle as a special treatif she ate her dinner. She ate most of it then was promptly sick all over the table.

I've said no trifle and I'll let her have some tomorrow if she's better. She thinks I'm the meanest mummy that ever lived.

Oh and she reckons she's better now and promises not to be sick again .

so am I the meanest mummy in the world or am ijust quite sensible and actually quite a nice mummy?!

[SpeedyGonzalez]

Normality - the answer for me is no, because my DH is an adult and I'm not his mother.

[mumbar]

normaility altho I don't agree with your practice of eating when dc wants etc I do see your point about DH and dc's. I was bought up with same rules I have eat dinner and you can have pudding so yes me and my ds do follow same rules. I think with regards to this perhaps some discussion before weaning chidren should be had between partners to agree.

I do also agree that forcing a child to eat is wrong I do not do that its my ds' choice to eat meal or not therefore get pud or not. But if he choses not to eat at mealtimes then he doesn't get to snack. Yes your right that somedays a child will want more than other days just like adults do but have seen first hand how allowing children to eat if they want and still snack can encourage them to take this option all the time and never eat a proper meal. I certainly do not want my DS getting up hungrey at 11pm to snack I want him to sleep well which is as much part of being healthy as is eating well.

As I've said previously I think this an area where people will always disagree but I am with op on this one and do feel it is my place as a parent to ensure my ds learns to eat a balanced diet and find mealtimes are a chance for us to communicate too so wouldn'y want to give this up.

[NormalityBites]

I am asking -would you treat your DH's eating habits in the same way that you treat your DC's, and if not, why not?

[SpeedyGonzalez]

Normality - I'm a bit confused by your last post - are you writing about your dcs or your dh? Surely you'd treat them both differently? Have I misunderstood your post?

[NormalityBites]

Is it your business what your DH eats, then? Other than the fact that you eat together as a family, would you start telling him to eat all his vegetables otherwise he can't have pudding? If he didn't eat a balanced diet, would you resort to coercion and bribery?

We don't have set mealtimes, we eat when we are hungry, some days dinner is at 4pm and some days 9pm. You would coerce a child who is not hungry to eat and yet wouldn't let a hungry 3 year old eat just because it happened to be 11pm? That is very strange to me.

[SpeedyGonzalez]

If she was genuinely sick, why give her trifle only to see her vomit it up again?

If she was deliberately sick so as to get trifle, why reward her by giving her trifle?

I think it's perfectly reasonable to not give her trifle.

[diddl]

OP-if she´s had 2 weetabix then she´s got a good appetite I would say!

That´s a pretty good quantity of food so it could be that that means she wants smaller portions later.

I have my main/cooked meal at lunchtime and even if don´t I struggle to eat a cooked meal in the evening.

We also tend to see pudding as a treat so that a good effort needs to be made with the main course first.

[morejuiceplease]

Normality, I'm afraid I completely disagree with you. It is your business what your dcs put in their mouths. You maybe lucky and have dcs that eat well. I do not. I try to ensure they eat a balanced diet and if that includes using coersion or bribery then so be it. I'm not going to force feed them, but a child that constantly refuses a meal then wants dessert is not going to be a healthy child.

Plus we have set mealtimes in our house, and although healthy snacks between meals are allowed I certainly won't be letting my 3 year old help herself to food at 11pm.

[NormalityBites]

I have never ever coerced or encouraged my child to eat any more than she wants - in fact it is not mentioned at all. It's certainly not instinctive to start saying 'just eat more'. I didn't wean her either, she weaned herself at 6months, I've never put a single piece of food in her mouth for her, it is not my business.

If it's lunchtime and she's not hungry and wants to play, she can play. Where is the problem? If she's hungry later, she can get herself some food, or wait till teatime, when she will be hungry. If she doesn't want dinner because she's tired, fine, she can go to bed. If she's hungry at 11pm, then she is and she can go get a snack. It's really really simple, honestly....

[diddl]

OP-glad she´s OK-is she having trifle today?

[mumbar]

see she isn't emotionally scarred for life by missing out on trifle as some would have you believe!!!!

Glad things are ok have a fab long weekend.

[morejuiceplease]

Dd is fine thanks mumbar. She ate 2 weetabix for breakfast and is currently bouncing round the house dressed as a fairy!

[mumbar]

true being full is full!!! but being full does not leave room for pudding!!! I've often said can you try 2 more spoonfuls which I don't beleive is forcefeeding at all as if my DS really doesn't want more then he is allowed to get down and play etc. But thats the point he doesn't get dessert.

Greensleeves your right bout my comment 2 chips=pud means kids are laughing but I actually know someone who praises DC's for eating 2 mouthfuls and will then allow crisps, choc, yoghurts etc to be snacked on all evening!!! And yes the kids are laughing- but then again they have a hold over mum for everything but thats a diifferent story!!!

Glad to see more MN coming forward admitting they are eat it or no pud mums as I was beggining to feel a bit like ogre mum at beginning of thread.

morejuiceplease hope DD is feeling better today.

[morejuiceplease]

I never realised food was this contraversial!

Am curious though, the posters who have said iabu to coerce my dd into eating, what do you do when your dcs refuse to eat?

Cos I've tried just leaving it and putting her to bed hungry but she just wakes at 11, absolutely starving.

[rainbowinthesky]

Our "pudding" is nearly always fruit anyway which she loves.

[rainbowinthesky]

I think yabu. Dd has always had a small appetite and we've never made an issue of food or used it as punishment or reward. I part blame my own poor eating habits on beign told to finish my plate and congratulated on doing so. DD has no concept of havign to finish all she's given - sometimes she does, sometimes she doesnt whereas I always do.

[Colonelcupcake]

I encourage a little one to eat more but have never done the you won't get any pudding route generally because they don't often have pudding.

When my DS1 (3.5) says hes full I accept it and dont push it anymore than that, I am quite sensitive to the forcing of food sue to being made to eat awful food that made me gag and vomit which I am sure my mother thought was in my best interests.

I do however tell him that thats fine however there is nothing else until either snack time or breakfast as my two eat 3 main meals and 2 small snacks as they are so full of energy they need a little boost between meals, it also enables me to tailor the snacks depending on what they have eaten during the day

[Pennies]

Greensleeves et al - I find it very hard to believe that you've never encouraged your DC to try and eat a few mouthfuls more when they've barely touched a meal. Can you honestly say you've never, ever done this? It's instinctive behaviour, esp when weaning a baby for example.

Also 3.7 year olds play mind games with food in their boundary pushing antics so this if they say they're full, then they MUST be full is often rubbish coz they're trying it on because they want to go and play.

OP - YANBU on two counts; 1) because we also have the no good meal, no pud thing going on here and 2) if she was poorly choc trifle prob wouldn't do many favours.

[Greensleeves]

"if a child beleives they have to eat it all for pud they'll at least try but if they know 2 chips eaten = pudding tthey're laughing!!!"

Jesus

Why all this warlike crap around hcildren's eating? Do you really believe your children are on a sneaky maleficent campaign to avoid eating anything savoury? If they are hungry they will eat ffs, if they are not then you have no business cajoling them to eat three more spoonfuls

Do YOU eat when you're not hungry? Do you eat your own cold sloppy leftovers before allowing yourself to eat something you fancy?

Craziness.

[ronshar]

A child who has been sick should only be offered dry toast surely?
Trifle or any sugar based pudding on an unsettled stomach is probably only going to make it worse.

I also am a bit about the pudding after every meal!
I dont have pudding everyday. Certainly dont offer and def not if a reasonable attempt at dinner has been made first.

OP you are not being unreasonable.
Hope your dd is better soon. Poor thing.

[NormalityBites]

Why is it frustrating when another human being chooses what amounts and of what they would like to eat from the food in front of them? Yes most children are 'capable of eating a full meal' but they are also capable of making autonomous decisions on what they need, how much and when - at least they are if you haven't equated food with approval, bribed, coerced or belittled them into confusion about the meal proferred. Provide a balanced diet for your kids and put it in front of them. That is where your responsibility and involvement ends. YABVU.

[mumbar]

I agree totally with you madcatsazz. Eating unnescessarily is daft just to finish the plate and pud is not a substitiute for meal.

My Ds will aften eat most and say I don't want more can I still have pud. If he's done well I'll say well done and yes. I just beleive that if a child beleives they have to eat it all for pud they'll at least try but if they know 2 chips eaten = pudding tthey're laughing!!!

[madcatsazz]

OMG - OP, I hasn't realised what a minefield your post would be. FWIW, I too only allow pudding if 'enough' of the main has been eaten. She NEVER has to empty her plate because I firmly believe that's what led to our generations connection to food - the 'never leave food on your plate' syndrome. However, if she sits and eats all the sausage before the carrots or broccoli she has to eat some of the veg too before pud. She knows this and sometimes will forego pudding, sometimes she eats the broccoli! As for the roasting opinions from some others - wow, note to self not to post food questions!!

As for your OP - I wouldn't have given the pudding either but def would have explained why. They are capable of understanding things, even if they don't like it!

[mumbar]

Wish Carlos Gonzales could help me. My DS would literally live off raw carrots, raw pepper, brocoli, cucumber, fruit, lettace and chocolate if I let him. He does not like chips!!! or very keen on meat. I therefore give him a little potato and meat but enough veg to make up a portion size and yes I expect him to eat it if he wants pudding. Maybe because he usually has a fun size choc, or choc mousse etc for dessert. The reason its usually a high fat pud is because I beleive a balanced diet must have some fat and as you can see he doesn't get much elsewhere. BUT chocolate is not a substitute for his dinner so eat it or don't get pud!!!

Madamegazelle I think the ops issue was not that DD only wants 2 spoonfuls etc but that she felt it wrong to give trifle to a child that had just vomited.

As I've said above this is always an issue with 2 sides. Those who don't mind children eating a few spoonfuls and then having pud snacks all day etc and those who when a meal is cooked will be willing to offer more - eg pud if it's eaten and the child is still hungrey. I'm the latter and I'm sure there are many who disagree - my best friend does and shes the first ive discribed so imagine the fun when we get together with the kids for a meal!!!!

morejuiceplease I hope your DD isn't unwell bless her and just tired from her first day at pre school. You must me proud.

[MadameGazelle]

Hi Morejuiceplease - the thing is that 2 mouthfuls of food might be enough for your growing child at that particular mealtime if you take the rest of the day's food into account. I would highly recommend reading "my child won't eat" by Carlos Gonzales - it really helped me when DS1 was small and was a very fussy eater. If your child would happily eat chicken nuggets and chips why not offer them to her; not as a treat but as part of everyday eating. A free range or organic chicken breast cut into chunks in breadcrumbs and potatoes cut into chips cooked in the oven in olive oil would provide her with protein, carbohydrates and good fats - all part of a healthy balanced diet. I think viewing food as "good" or "bad" or as "a treat" is not something that should be taught to a child.