To...Ahem...Fake It?

[MrsMontague]

I have been married to DH for just short of a year, we have been together for 6 years and have 1 DD.

Since we have been together, I have only ever had 1 orgasm...and that was just after we got together and we were drunk students who had fancied each other for a good year or so, so I imagine the chemistry had a part to play.

But that's it! I have always still really enjoyed sex with him, I do, although it never really results in anything for me! So I'm ashamed to say I have always faked it, as when we were first together obviously I didn't want to make him feel bad, and then it had just been too long etc. So after we got married, I tried just not doing anything, not faking it but not actually adressing the problem. he was very confused as to why I suddenly couldn't climax anymore, and this had the opposite effect and he became very insecure and we pretty much just stopped having sex!

So, I shot myself in the foot and just faked it again. And we have sex around 5 nights a week and Dh is back to thinking he is an absolute sex god , have I set myself up now for the rest of my life eh? There is no way I can just tell him after all of this time. I mean, is this normal? i did read somewhere that not many women ever reach orgasm...is that true? Tell me it is, and that I'm not missing out! Hehe. Thankyou all!

[14hourstillbedtime]

I third carmenjones and petisa - I just don't come through penetration alone (though I definitely enjoy it!) never have. don't think I ever will. don't mind! BUT, I nearly always orgasm when we have sex as I masturbate myself, DH is usually, ahem, busy up on top and we have a fab time.

Also, oral - but takes much longer for me. Nice when I let myself get into it, though!

[jasper]

is the DESIRE there?

[Prinpo]

Well, kind of a cock ring with a mini clitoral stimulator attached (maybe they all have that, I don't know). Not tried it but it looks good (insert frisky emoticon).

[AnyFucker]

did prinpo's very shy post mean a cock ring ?

if so...go for it

[bluecheesefiend]

I just wanted to add that that thing that Pinpro mentioned is just marvelous!

[Bigpants1]

I think a lot of women find they dont orgasm through penetration. If your dh doesnt "do it for you" with fingers, have you/ do you have oral sex? Its great for climaxing, and you can just concentrate on the sensations and relax. Agree vibrators are good for "hitting the spot"-some are more frightening and noisy than others!!

[AnyFucker]

if my DH is too rough (and it doesn't have to be "rough", just a bit too enthusiastic), it just numbs the area and ruins the moment

so I subtly move away, or switch the focus to him for a while

some things a little bit rough are ok...but where the LB is concerned, it has be gentle

[LittleWhiteWolf]

Not read all the responses, but do you go on top? Its one of the best positions for the female climax--leaning forward slightly means the clitoris is stimulated and YOU'RE in control of the speed, the amount, the pressure.
You may have to be patient if its not a common position as your DP may get a little, erm, excited before you, but persist, its worth it. Also its a great form of exercise!

I'd say I orgasm 99% of the time when I'm on top--the 1% being if DH gets a bit too excited

Alternatively, my sister told me (we have that sort of open relationship) that she never came with her ex, until he was done. Then he would go down on her and that would finish her off.

[MrsMontague]

That's it anyfucker, gently. He rubs away until I'm raw!

Lots of ideas here anyway, I am definitely gonna give that alignment thing a go, possibly tonight. And I think bringing some toys into the bedroom might help, thank god for mumsnet eh? I could never have this conversation with anybody in RL, I'd be too worried it would get back to my poor DH!

[AnyFucker]

penetration has never done it for me, tbh, although I love it

its allllll about the love button , treated gently

[BelleDameSansMerci]

Have you tried the "cat" position here and on other sites. Instructions not quite how I thought but gets rave reviews!

I'm easily pleased so not able to comment on if it is as effective as reported IYSWIM.

[SpicedGerkin]

The love honey website is good too. (so i've heard, very discrete. )

[Muser]

Can I advise not going to Ann Summers? I would heartily recommend Sh, it's much less trashy and has great stuff. If you are ever in London and can get to their physical store the lovely ladies there will advise you on anything you might be interested in, and give you a cup of tea! It's women only, men must be accompanied to get in.

They have a website, if you google Sh it should be the paid link, or try Sh Women Store. I probably shouldn't link to it directly!

I third the lube suggestion. It makes such a difference. You could also go for the show rather than tell approach, he might quite enjoy it. A bit of DIY while he's watching and everyone's a winner.

[carmenjones]

I've never had an orgasm through penetration. I think it's to do with the position of my bits - not possible to get contact with the ol' love button during penetration no matter the angle (and believe me, dh & I have tried every angle ).

Luckily dh is an oral maestro so I always come and I do get pleasure from penetration, just not the sort that leads to a climax.

I did fake it in previous relationships, but it's soooo much better dh knowing what I like and vice versa. I don't think I could manage a lifetime of pretending.

I get that it would be very hard for your dh to find out after all this time, but the suggestions to introduce different things to "spice things up" are good. It happened once so it can happen again.

[petisa]

I agree with Barbamamma, do you masturbate yourself while having sex? I always do (or he does it) or otherwise there's no way I'd orgasm with just penetrative sex. And I always do have one

Agree with clucky re lube and in your position I would definitely be giving my dh some "gentle guidance" on his technique!

Good luck!

[Mumcentreplus]

[cluckyduck]

Do you use lube? Honestly its life changing - and you wont get sore when he touches you, not if you show him how you like it

[spudmasher]

This explains what I mean a bit better Basic but highly effective

[BarbaMamma]

Try to masturbate yourself while you're having sex, at the same time as indulging in an excellent fantasy. One, both or the other work for me every time !

[SpicedGerkin]

Do you think it's built up to a big thing in your head a little, so you now can't?

Have you tried making yourself orgasm while the pair of you are at it?

[Southwind]

tomfoolery im gonna give that a go tonight...

[MrsMontague]

Wow thanks everybody, plenty of things to think about there!

We have tried all of the obvious positions, missionary, me on top, from behind...that's it really. spudmasher do you mean me on top and then him sit up? I shall try that tonight I think...DH won't know what's hit him if I put all of these suggestions into practise.

prinpo I will have a look on Ann Summers now, you hit the nail on the head. I want to just fix the situation without having to actually confront it, as it will no doubt just set his insecurities off.

We have tried plenty of things experimental, erotic books, adult films, they all set the mood nicely and definitely do it for DH, and I'm just there all worked up and nothing!

[spudmasher]

MrsM before you get devices can I recommend a rather simple strategy. Get your DH to move up towards your head once he is ..erm..in.. so that his pelvic bone is quite hard against your magic button. And away you go. You on top but down a bit would do the job as well.

[Prinpo]

Mmm, I faked relentlessly with a particularly bad shag way back when I was a mere lass and, consequently, devised a no-faking rule for myself when I met DH. The result is that sometimes I orgasm, sometimes I don't, it depends upon the type of tomfoolery we're getting up to.

There are, however, a number of, ahem, devices {blush} which you may want to have a look at (I know because I was looking for recently separated friends - no, honest, I was!). These fit over the man bits and do all sorts of wonderful things to the woman bits at the same time. I haven't tried them myself (see, told you it was for friends) but they look like just the sort of thing a gal could innocently introduce into the bedroom as a bit of a treat for the man whilst, hopefully, sorting out the problem of not having to fake it.

I understand why you wouldn't want to tell him you'd been faking all this time and also why you don't want to stop having an (albeit fake) orgasm when you do have sex. Perhaps this is an option?

[tallulahbelly]

Whoisasking

OP you are in capable hands here so I am going to leave right now before Mal shows up.