to think we need to stop using what we feed our children as the main measure for our parenting skills

[jumpyjan]

I am so fed up with the constant discussion in the media over what we feed our children and have heard some extremelly annoying self rightous people on phone ins regarding the latest packed lunch story today.

Whilst I strongly believe in a healthy diet and believe children behave better when they eat well etc I resent the government constantly telling us how to parent and the way that people seem to measure how good a parent you are on the sole basis of what you feed your child. A childs nutrition is of course extremelly important but it is one element of parenting.

It seems like parents who feed their children certain foods are looked down upon while some parents who feed their children healthy foods expect a pat on the back. It just seems like snobbery to me.

Why can't we make our own decisions about what to feed our children without feeling the need to feel smug/ashamed about it.

[crazycanuck]

Oh don't get me started on the healthy eating snobs. Last summer at the zoo, getting lunch in the cafe, ds had a bag of crisps on our tray and dh had a can of Coke. Cue catsbumface woman behind saying to her dd in loud stage whisper 'We don't eat rubbish food do we Xanthe'. Oh how I longed for a momentary breakdown of civilization so I could have cracked her over the head with our tray...

[tethersend]

Don't worry crazycanuck, Xanthe will probably be mainlining Red bull and smoking like a beagle by the time she gets to secondary school.

[clankypanky]

It may make me seem naiive but can someone tell me where all these obese children are, I live in a very normal area and my kids go to a normal comp, children from all different backgrounds, I can think of 2 overweight children in the whole school, and even they arent mobidly obese, just a bit chubby. Is it totally exagerrated the childhood obesity problem? Where do the government get their statistics from. Surely by constantly highlighting the 'problem' is only going to lead to neuroses about food in our children. Its pointless surely, the kind of people that are going to feed their children crap wont change because of campaigns anyway. I agree I am a bit sick of being told what to feed my child. My children are very healthy, they love their food...even things like spinach, in their lunchbox they have a sandwich with meat and salad, a yoghurt, 2 pieces of fruit, yet despite this we are told they are not allowed chocolate, even if its just a kit kat....how is this preaching balance? Children need more fat than adults and sometimes they do need a quick hit of energy if they are about to go tear around the playground.

crazycanuk...my son once started singing 'mcdonalds kills trees and causes heart disease', he was 3, he made it up himself, I was mortified at his precociousness but also found it very funny and quite clever but can see that other people would have been really annoyed at it!

[tispity]

some of the kids in ds' class are really, really big; sometimes you can see where they have inherited this from from, but not always. we were watching ds' Nativity on DVD and i had to stop him from pointing out the kids who were "a bit fat". I also agree that the largest pre-schoolers i came across were non-bf children. ds and his friends who were bf for ages are all really thin.

[Zoomy]

One of my DC's during Primary school was what I would class to be a 'chubby' child...he reached the age of 12 and suddenly is now 5ft 9" tall and wears size 10 shoes!

As he got taller his waist size has shrank and he hasn't actually gained any weight according to the scales at all.

I think he was building up a food store for a 6 month growth spurt!

I had to spend a lot of time reassuring him that he wasn't to worry about his weight during primary school as he had a lot of growing to do before he could be sure of his BMI...all this angst came from school teaching him that being a 'string bean' was the only healthy option. Grr!

As for the bf thing...bf all three, ended up with 2 'chubby' DC's and one 'string bean'...hand me downs are not an option!

[piscesmoon]

'dd in loud stage whisper 'We don't eat rubbish food do we Xanthe'. Oh how I longed for a momentary breakdown of civilization so I could have cracked her over the head with our tray...

I wouldn't worry. These are the ones that make me laugh -they are the ones that look that parent in the eye and say 'oh no mummy, I love my carrot sticks and couldn't possibly eat crisps' and you know that they have a terrible name for stuffing forbidden foods as soon as they get the chance! In a survey many DCs admitted to swapping lunch box items, so probably dear little Xanthe is giving up her rice cakes and getting some cheesy wotsits!
I thought that I didn't see many obese DCs around in local schools, but I certainly saw them on the beach in Cornwall in the summer so I think there is a problem.

[gramercy]

I think the weight thing really kicks in with teenagers. Teenage girls either seem to be stick thin or really porky, with rolls of spare tyre hanging over their jeans. It looks so unsightly. Often the biggest girls pair up with the scrawniest boys.

I think there has been a sea change in eating habits in a generation. In my day NO-ONE EVER EVER EVER went to the fridge in between meals and ate or drank anything. There was nothing there except that day's dinner and a nasty-looking bit of old cheese and a couple of rashers of bacon in greaseproof paper. This idea of grazing is all very well but when you tot up how many calories (not to mention fat, sugar) are in every small drink or snack someone has it all mounts up and someone can become overweight pretty quickly.

[jumpyjan]

tethersend - exactly. The selling off of school playing things is a shameful thing and no doubt plays a huge part in the obesity problem. Not to mention what has been going on in my area where loads of new schools and been built with PFI money - therefore owned by private companies who to save space build rugby pitches smaller than official ones, lock the gates at the end of the day so no sports clubs can play on the grounds etc. The government behave in this irresponsible manner then have the cheek to police us over what we feed our kids.

crazycanuck - that is the ruddest thing - I cannot believe you managed to restrain yourself.

Ormirian - I totally agree with you when you say you can't help but think that constant lack of confidence and self-questioning is probably more damaging than the occassional bad decision. That is the result of what this government are doing - parents who have lost their confidence becuase they are so used to being told what to do.

[undercoverelephant]

OP - don't feel bad about it. Have courage in your conviction! If you know you're feeding your kids a good diet then another government/media campaign shouldn't make any difference.

Having said that I don't have a problem with government campaigns aimed at cutting junk food out of kids' everyday diets. For those who say a little treat is OK now and then, well it's not really now and then if they have it every day in their packed lunches, is it?

Our school asks parents not to include chocolate, sweets, crisps or fizzy drinks in packed lunches. I'm not sure how or even if they enforce it, but my son doesn't request these items (and yes, he is a normal kid that would eat them all day if allowed!) I think the school's aim is to encourage children to regard those items as treats that are not eaten every day. And I'm very happy with that. Surely this is about teaching children good habits, as much as curbing the actual amount of fat/sugar/salt they consume?

Children do need more fat than adults, but there is already plenty of saturated fat in most UK diets. Other fats (nuts, avocado, fish) are very necessary and usually missing from kids' diets, so try giving them an avocado and smoked mackerel salad in their lunchbox

[standandeliver]

YABU

The shops are full of shit, and sadly lots of kids are being fed shit diets. We're all going to pay when the NHS collapses under the strain of treating this emerging fat generation.

People need to be told.

[shockers]

A child at my school won't eat school dinners or packed lunches because his MUM has told him he doesn't like anything in them so his dad brings fish and chips or KFC daily and they eat them in his car.

How would you rate their parenting skills?

[jumpyjan]

Shockers - 'How would you rate their parenting skills?'

I wouldn't - thats my point.

[standandeliver]

so try giving them an avocado and smoked mackerel salad in their lunchbox

My kids (4,6, 10) love smoked mackerel sandwiches, and will hoover up as much avocado as you'll give them. Is there something bizarre about this?

I see loads of fat kids btw. Of the 12 grandchildren on my husband's side of the family two are obese and 5 are overweight.

[tethersend]

But standanddeliver, there are so many other factors which make someone a 'good' or 'bad' parent.

The fact that your kids eat smoked mackerel sandwiches does not mean you are a better parent than the father who brings KFC to his son's school at lunchtime.

[tethersend]

"Shockers - 'How would you rate their parenting skills?'

I wouldn't - thats my point."

jumpyjan, I've never applauded posts, but if I did, I would be applauding that one

[undercoverelephant]

no, standanddeliver, nothing bizarre. They are normal foods. But there were some posts that suggest kids need extra fat, and that this justified the kitkats, crisps etc they are given. So I suggested offering poly- or monounsaturated fats.
My snigger was because I realised that mackerel doesn't really cut it when offered against a kitkat!

[shockers]

[shockers]

Actually tethersend I think it does make you a better parent on many levels.
When this child goes to any social occasion where there is food will he scream like he does when he sees anything other than these two foods?
He also doesn't believe that normal school rules apply to him because he is allowed something that other children can't have at lunchtime. He throws tantrums when he doesn't get his own way.
He has already learnt that he can control his parents through food... and they have allowed this to happen.
Bloody fabulous parenting

[tethersend]

Does it make them a better parent than someone (hypothetically) who feeds their children a healthy, balanced and varied diet and abuses them physically, emotionally or sexually, shockers? Are they still a better parent by virtue of their child's diet?

My point is, diet is not the only indicator of good (or bad) parenting. A 'good parent' should be evaluated as a whole; and evaluated by people qualified to do so, rather than judged on an internet forum.

[shockers]

But this is a parenting forum where different aspects of parenting are discussed. I think your point is skewed, I didn't say it was the only thing that makes someone a good parent but looking after your child's physical health (and teaching them that they don't get to please themselves all the time) are two aspects of responsible parenting IMO.
The post was about food snobbery not sexual, emotional and physical abuse.although there is an arguament that feeding your kids complete crap all the time so that they become obese could be seen as a form of both physical and emotional abuse... did you see half ton son?

[tethersend]

"Actually tethersend I think it [feeding your DC mackerel etc] does make you a better parent [than someone feeding their DC fast food in the car at lunchtime] on many levels."

You asserted that the food the parents gave their children made one a better parent than the other. I have skewed nothing. You took no other extraneous factors into account.

I am not asserting that feeding your children fast food in a car at lunchtime makes you a good parent. Just that it does not necessarily make you a better parent than one who feeds their children healthy food.

"The post was about food snobbery not sexual, emotional and physical abuse"

The OP is entitled 'AIBU to think we need to stop using what we feed our children as the main measure for our parenting skills'.

It is about parenting skills. Parents who abuse their children yet feed them healthy food may be judged 'good parents' using some of the logic on this thread. Mentioning abuse is not irrelevant.

[tispity]

what about inverted snobbery though?

[AlpenCrazy]

i think you are all missing the point.

smoked mackerel may be delicious and healthy but it stinks

[shockers]

I take your point about the title of the thread and agree that it shouldn't be the main measure of our parenting skills.
I realise that I accidentally put a full stop in that sentence instead of a comma, but where do you stand on the issue of where feeding children crap starts to become a form of abuse?
If a child grows up with really poor eating habits and an addiction to salt/sugar/fat then the outlook will often be obesety, health problems and associated emotional issues.
Yes,you're right that it shouldn't be the ONLY measure of good parenting.However, I feel good nutrition is one way of nurturing my children and to me it's important.

[Irons]

Yet if the government didn't do anything, you'd all be running them down for failing our children.