to think we need to stop using what we feed our children as the main measure for our parenting skills

[jumpyjan]

I am so fed up with the constant discussion in the media over what we feed our children and have heard some extremelly annoying self rightous people on phone ins regarding the latest packed lunch story today.

Whilst I strongly believe in a healthy diet and believe children behave better when they eat well etc I resent the government constantly telling us how to parent and the way that people seem to measure how good a parent you are on the sole basis of what you feed your child. A childs nutrition is of course extremelly important but it is one element of parenting.

It seems like parents who feed their children certain foods are looked down upon while some parents who feed their children healthy foods expect a pat on the back. It just seems like snobbery to me.

Why can't we make our own decisions about what to feed our children without feeling the need to feel smug/ashamed about it.

[Zoomy]

YANBU

My DC's have crisps and chocolate in their lunch boxes every day so according to some (including the school diner ladies) I am a terrible parent.

What school (the dinner ladies) weren't aware of is my DC's have three lots of fruit before they go to school each day (with their bran flakes) and a home made meal with veggies each evening...they also walk a total of 4 miles to and from school everyday as well as being part of the school football and rugby teams, they also do after school stakeboard clubs and swimming clubs! So I really don't think a bag of crisps and choc' biccy in the grand scheme of their dietary/fitness needs will really have much impact!

Statistics can be manipulated anyway you like if you don't take into account the whole picture.

[pantomimecow]

A few months ago there was a link to a court case posted on MN. The ruling was that schools were not allowed to check lunchboxes.The child could open them and show them what was inside but the school had no right to insist on looking.It constitutes a search.Searches in school are only allowed if the student is suspected of having drugs or weapons.

[curiositykilledhaskittens]

I honestly have no idea what is in other children's lunchboxes and I'm not sure how I would! I can only tell you that DS hasn't had crisps or choc since he started in Sept just because none of us really eat crisps and the DCs prefer sugary, Enumber laden skittles/flumps lol... Not that he'd get them in school - I have never found it necessary to expectantly offer treats yet

[Undercovamutha]

According to the BBC website, a lunchbox could be deemed unhealthy just cos the ham in the sandwich is processed. So even if the bread is wholemeal, and the rest of the food is just fruit, then that would be labelled 'unhealthy'!

Totally agree with Zoomy. My DD has one 'treat' per day. At the moment that is a small cup of hot chocolate when she gets in from school, last week it was one of those muller snack corner things once she'd eaten her evening meal. Before Xmas it was an advent calendar chocolate. Probably around Easter it will be a mini egg. The treats are really small but she loves them. And why not? She walks to pre-school and back each day (15 mins each way), eats plenty of fruit and veg, and spends most of her waking hours running around like a loony!

It is all about balance!

[Undercovamutha]

According to the BBC website, a lunchbox could be deemed unhealthy just cos the ham in the sandwich is processed. So even if the bread is wholemeal, and the rest of the food is just fruit, then that would be labelled 'unhealthy'!

Totally agree with Zoomy. My DD has one 'treat' per day. At the moment that is a small cup of hot chocolate when she gets in from school, last week it was one of those muller snack corner things once she'd eaten her evening meal. Before Xmas it was an advent calendar chocolate. Probably around Easter it will be a mini egg. The treats are really small but she loves them. And why not? She walks to pre-school and back each day (15 mins each way), eats plenty of fruit and veg, and spends most of her waking hours running around like a loony!

It is all about balance!

[Undercovamutha]

oops!

[piscesmoon]

' Gave my kids a packet of crisps and you'd have thought I was handing them heroin. One ma literally didn't speak to me for the rest of the day.

These are the DCs who will have eating problems in the future! I wish those parents could see their DCs when they weren't around-they are the ones obsessed with stuffing crisps!! Everything in moderation-anything labelled 'bad' is immediately more coveted.

[Ineedsomesleep]

Piscesmoon I couldn't agree with you more. My parents used the everything in moderation with me and I've had a stable and healthy weight for about 20 years.

I do give my kids crisps, chocolate, pizza etc but doesn't everyone? What they don't get it an attitude that its great because its naughty.

[piscesmoon]

We have all of it and we are all within the ideal weight band-we just don't have it all the time! The rigid control that goes on with some parents is counter productive. I think it terribly sad when posters on here get all upset because their nursery DC is given a small choc bar on someone's birthday! If you eat a healthy, balanced diet all the time a small choc bar is neither here nor there! I remember a thread on the 'wrong sort of chocolate'! I think the poor DC only got the very adult taste of at least 70% cocoa, as if DCs are never supposed to have Cadburys etc. Now mine are teens they very rarely eat sweets-if they had been banned I'm sure they would have gone mad, as soon as they had their own money. Strictly controlling parents get devious DCs!

[Cadmum]

I share your pain. I really hate all of the conflicting nutritional information with which parents are constantly being bombarded.

Most children do not eat enough fat and consume far too many grains because we are led to believe that a nutritious diet consists of low fat foods and cereal with synthetic vitamins thrown in to make up for the fact that the real ones have been removed in the processing.

I do my best to avoid processed foods and bread in general but I am always wondering if the choices I offer are really nutritious because the studies are all funded by those who stand to gain from their results so they are full of lies and misinformation.

Spending some time outside in order to absorb some vitamin D might not go far astray either but, since children are locked in the classroom for 6 hours a day, let's just chuck some synthetic vitamins in the milk or hand them a supplement.

Does anybody really know what a healthy diet for a child might look like?

I just read a study the other day (much discussed on here already: www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/6942427/Breastmilk-no-better-for-baby-than-formula-scientist-c laims.html
that suggested that breast milk is no healthier than infant formula. For me, this is enough evidence to suggest that scientists can prove anything when they have an agenda or enough money to reach the conclusions that are profitable.

All you can do is try your best to offer a variety of healthy choices. I very much doubt that the odd treat does anywhere near as much harm as the many foods that we deem to be healthy.

[tispity]

oh don't get me started

[Ineedsomesleep]

piscesmoon DD (2.5) loves my 70%. I wish she'd leave it alone and eat her Milky Way

[piscesmoon]

I always loved dark chocolate as a DC but the difference was that I chose it! I didn't have my mother telling me that it was the only chocolate that I could have! I think most adults will look back with nostalgia at some of the sweets they had as a DC, and in the future there will be some who are not able to do that! It is all so worthy! I loved sherbert fountains and gobstoppers, but I grew out of it! I didn't have them very often and so it didn't do me any harm.

[flockwallpaper]

Totally agree OP, YANBU

[Nekabu]

"Why can't we make our own decisions about what to feed our children without feeling the need to feel smug/ashamed about it."

Because a large number of us are feeding our children badly, to the extent that a large proportion of them (25% male 33% female) are overweight or obese.

What do you suggest is done? The government keep their noses out? They've already done that and the above figures are the result. Do you think it is fair that children, who aren't buying or cooking the food that they eat, are given such a bad start in life with poor eating habits and a weight problem with the related health issues?

I don't know the solution either but if parents won't take care of their child's nutrition off their own back, then for the child's sake, perhaps they should be encouraged to do so.

[jumpyjan]

Nekabu - I don't know what the solution is to obese children but as I suspect the answer lies more in excercise than it does in diet.

I think most parents feed their children a sensible diet. Therefore, I don't think the government should start interfering and constantly telling us what we can and cannot feed our children. Most parents are perfectly capable of making their own decisions and should be able to give their children a packet of crisps or a chocolate biscuit without feeling like they are doing something wrong.

[piscesmoon]

Government initiatives will never reach those that really need them - I don't know the answer though. If a parent is obese, has never had a proper diet and can't/won't cook then I doubt whether encouragement will help-they are more inclined to get defensive and tell the government what to do with their initiatives!
I think that the only way would cost money-far too much money to even contemplate!! Free, healthy school meals for all and packed lunches banned. Cheap fruit and veg and basic food items, and enormous taxes on processed food.Free cookery lessons.

[piscesmoon]

I know those parents LeQueen! They often don't stick to the same diet rules for themselves either! The whole family has to eat healthily every day and then a trip to MacDonalds or the odd doughnut doesn't matter! It just has to be odd and not habitual.

[tethersend]

I think a huge contributing factor to childhood obesity is the fact that most schools sold off their playing fields years ago.

Most children today simply have nowhere to run around aimlessly in a way they once did. Running around aimlessly burns a lot of calories.

Oh, and pop over to the BF/FF carnage thread to see that the judgement on your parenting is based on what you feed your children from the outset.

YANBU, OP.

[PiggyPenguin]

Spidermama 'It's a cliche but it's true: Parents and children should all sit round the table together eating the same thing. Mine do. It's not hard. '

My dh gets home from his commute shortly after 7.00om. The kids go to bed at 7.30pm. Yes, sometimes eating together is not only hard, it is impossible.

We eat together at weekends, the kids eat separately during the week. And if I'm honest they do get more 'kids' food, in the way of fishfingers etc during the week. Mostly because dh and I don't want to eat them and cooking two meals means less hassle ones get cooked out of necessity.

[OrmIrian]

I think that parenting skills are best judged by the children that come out at the end. Because mine are bloody wonderful (at times) and of course my parenting skills are pheonomenal (if you don't look too closely).

I can't help but think that constant lack of confidence and self-questioning is probably more damaging than the occassional bad decision.

[OrmIrian]

I forgot a handful of s and s in that post. Just in case anyone thinks I was 100% in earnest.