AIBU to think our night was ruined and to be pissed off with DP

[lilacclaire]

Last night I arranged a baby sitter for my ds(4) so me and dp could spend some rare time alone. Hardly ever get a babysitter nowadays, so we went out to dinner at a pretty posh restuarant then decided to come home to have a few drinks and listen to music/watch a film/possibly get jiggy.....

Anyway dss (16) comes in at 10pm, plonks himself on the computer in the living room and is still there by half 12. I'm motioning to dp to tell him to tell him to sling his hook so we can just have some time alone, dp looks bewildered and mouths back 'why'.

FFS, what was the point in getting a babysitter etc, I finished my drink and stomped off to bed.

I feel a bit childish but am still pretty annoyed. Obviously I could have told dss to go to bed, but am annnoyed by dp who obviously thinks we don't need anytime alone.

Should probably be posting in relationships!

[hbfac]

lila - re-read your post - you sound really down. I have no idea if your relationship has run its course. Perhaps it has. But if this is the sort of stuff that's getting you down, it really is par for the course with dc and can be worked through.

If you went for counselling, they would tell you what the "Guardian" had an article about yesterday -- you need to ARTIFICIALLY create space - to communicate, to be together.

You have to physically clear that space, because it doesn't just happen.

That's why your post mystified me a bit - it's just so ... normal.

And in many ways, older dc are way easier than younger dc. They LIKE to spend time away from you, in a way that the very small just don't. But if you want the house to yourselves, you do have to arrange for them to go out.

[skihorse]

lila I think next time you really just need to explain the situation to those whom you wish to "do" something.

To DH: I would like us to have a romantic night together.

To DSS: Would you mind heading off upstairs? I'd like some cozy time with your dad, shall I bring you a sandwich and a drink in 10 minutes?

Rolling your eyes, sighing and sulking makes you sound like the 16 year old...

[lilacclaire]

I know it makes me sound like the 16 year old, ridiculous isn't it.
Anyhow, dp not interested which was what annoyed me in the first place, yes totally fed up.
DP out drinking with his friends to watch the football for his 'own' time now, lucky him.
Perhaps I should send the kids over to sit with him and his friends, and perhaps he would get it then.

[hbfac]

Not ridiculous.

You sound down about 1. communication between you and dh and 2. lack of solitary time. Both important.

I've come to the conclusion that solitary time (and I'd include solitary time for me and my amatory partner, ie. dh,) is a luxury that is only available for a brief interlude in your 20s. [Sigh] Though I'm hoping it'll come back. [when? when?]

Unless you don't have dc.

I really, really miss it.

I wish I'd appreciated it more when I had it.

Do you think this might do better in "Relationships"?

[coldtits]

You will feel differently when it's your biological 16 year old sitting in the living room of the house he lives in - I think you'll not be so quick to tell him to 'sling his hook'.

[belgo]

YABU. Your ds has as much right to be in the living room as you, it's his home as well.

[StayingDavidTennantsGirl]

Heqet is spot on - if you had started getting at all affectionate with your dh, then your dss would have vanished so fast you would have heard the air implode behind him!

Or you could have said to him, "Dss, please can you go to bed as dh and I would like to have some time alone." Simples.

[StayingDavidTennantsGirl]

And I do have a biological 16-year-old, and have, on occasion, told him to go elsewhere, because I wanted to talk privately to dh. He knows that this doesn't mean I don't love him, or he has lesser rights in his home - he knows that all it means is that I want a bit of privacy at that point in time.

[dilemma456]

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