to think people should be able to 'brag' about their children?

[Adair]

I mean, in my idealistic? world view, all kids are fab and have their individual talents, most kids are pretty special at something.

So why can't parents say 'gosh, my Olivia is fantastic at digging sandcastles, she is really, really fast - she makes them in, like, under a minute' without other parents immediately taking it as an attack on their child who doesn't possess said skill (yet)?

My little girl is great in some areas of achievement/social skills but she can't do things that other children her age-ish can. That's life. I hope to teach her that she might be able to do things other children can, but they will know/do other things first.

My dd DOES not sleep through - even now aged 3. But it doesn't bother me, if other people say 'my baby is sleeping through aged 10 weeks' though I may be .

So AIBU to say CHILL OUT - your child is still fantastic and the BEST to you even if they can't do whatever your friend is supposedly 'bragging'about. You'd probably have something else to brag about anyway.

[mmelindt]

There is a difference between bragging and honestly commenting on your children's abilities.

If I were to say, 'DD is very artistic, she loves to paint and draw and her work with clay is very realistic' that would be true. It is also true that she is the most scatterbrained, untidy child I have ever come across. By the time she reaches the coat cupboard to get her coat, she has forgotten what she is going for.

In contrast telling someone that she is the best in her class and that we have hopes of her going to art school when she is older as she is obviously incredibly talented, then that would make people

It depends on the context. If I were to be asked what kind of person DD is then I would say the first. I would not volunteer the information out of the blue.

DD said to me the other day, 'I am the best climber in the class' and I did not tell her off for bragging as she is incredibly self concious and shy so I was so chuffed that she was bigging herself up.

[Heqet]

I brag about my kids. I can't help it, I am so proud of them! I don't care. Family members get the worst of it but I have been known to be all excited at, say, their LSA over something they've achieved.

When they finally learned to talk, when they finally came out of nappies, the first time they demonstrated that they had empathy...I bragged my bloody head off and why the hell not?!

[cory]

Good definition by flimflam. I think most of us have come across genuinely bragging parents: parents who don't just enjoy little Olivia's sandcastles because they are beautiful, but enjoy them because they are better than little Kayla's (and totally fail to notice that Kayla is actually much better at biscuit-making). Competitive mums are hard work. They never let you relax because they are always looking anxiously at your dc to see they don't outperform hers. They can't be happy with their dcs' clever reading if another child is on a higher ORT stage.If it was just pride and enjoyment, they'd enjoy their own child's reading just as much regardless of the other child, non?

My SIL has spent the 10 years since her ds was born pointing out how advanced he is. Atm
she stresses because my dd is taller than her ds: keeps telling her she shouldn't grow more because it's not nice for a girl to be so tall. What the hell am I supposed to do about that?!

[flimflammum]

I tend to agree with you OP, but I also agree with EmilyStrange:
'It is that fine line between confidence and excitement and arrogant one-up-manship.'

If only we were all completely secure in our parenting, then we wouldn't feel threatened by others' abilities or achievements, or on the other hand feel the need to boost our fragile parent-egos by boasting. Perhaps the difference between sharing our enjoyment and pride in our children, and bragging, is that with bragging you care about the effect your words have on the listener, whereas with sharing your pride you don't.

But I also dislike this peculiarly English (British??) thing about putting oneself (and by extension children) down, self-deprecating comments, false modesty. God forbid we should show in public how proud we are of our children! My DS was/is remarkably bright in some areas, but I always felt this pressure to play it down, so as not to make myself unpopular. It was a huge relief once when I was talking to the HV about my younger DD, and she was saying you mustn't compare her to your DS, as he's out of the ordinary, and I was starting to tell her something about what DS could do at a young age, and she said in a conspiratorial whisper, 'Ooh, yes, go on, brag' - both of us knowing that I could never have said it to any friends.

It's sad, really, isn't it?

[CarmenTinselPalmTreesSanDiego]

YANBU - I like seeing people say how gorgeous their children are, how proud they are of them etc.

But I spend a lot of time on Facebook and people do it all the time. Personally, I love seeing my friends' pics and videos of their kids and hearing what they're doing. I love it when people say their kids are gorgeous and clever. It's because they love them! And I love sharing news about my kids. It's NICE.

Why is there all this jealousy and paranoia on Mumsnet about not being able to enjoy your kids? Why on earth would I feel angry because someone said their kid was reading before mine? I might worry if the whole class were, but individually? Nah, every child has their unique talents. Enjoy them.

[letsblowthistacostand]

I do think close family and friends will be interested in what your children are doing, good and bad. I don't feel like I'm bragging when they ask me about my DC, although I do keep the 'she's so clever, she just LIFTED HER HEAD UP can you believe it' type comments for my mom's ears only.

[Scout19075]

Can you "brag" to your best friend of 20+ who is childless, is a self-described aunt to your child and who always asks what he is doing now?

[ToFalalalola]

Of course you can brag about your children in the privacy of you own home/family. Even occasionally when your children can overhear you 'by accident' as a self-esteem boost for them.

But definitely not to people outside the immediate family, beacause they don't want to hear it, even if they say they do. And because, in their minds, their children are always that bit more perfect than yours anyway . And that's the way it should be.

[Kaloki]

"commenting on - and bragging are two different thngs.

bragging is gauche, crass"

Definitely. I'm already storing up a load of retorts for if/when I am faced by bragging parents.

[BlackLetterDay]

I remember meeting a Mum in the playground who was very boastful. She was forever going on about her advanced dd. This turned out to be a lie, her dd is average i think,i have no idea.

She was boasting to me that her dd was the best in the class at literacy and was a stage this and that for other areas.

So fecking boring and pathetic really.

[coldtits]

yes of course.

In America, far far out of my earshot.

[Tortington]

commenting on - and bragging are two different thngs.

bragging is gauche, crass

[BitOfFunderthemistletoe]

My reply to that one is more along the lines of "Luckily for her", as I grimly recall how it's saved her from my wrath on a number of occasions...

[Portofino]

Years of practice of course

[Portofino]

To me the correct/only response to a statement such as " Isn't your dd beautiful"
is " Do you think so? Thank you! Well I think that of course but aren't we always biased about our own...."

[EmilyStrange]

Wandering I agree. My children, so far, are doing fairly well academically but this is an area of worry for many so if I were to mention their reports or parent nights I could add to anxiety which I don't want to do. I am really proud so I boast to my in-laws which gives me great satisfaction [evil grin]

[BitOfFunderthemistletoe]

I agree that it's fine to accept a compliment about your children, but it's a bit unseemly to brag

[Wanderinginawinterwonderland]

I understand what you're saying with regards to "enjoying each other's kids." I like hearing about another person's child but some people take it to the extreme and go on and on and on about their own children without paying any interest to anyone else's.

It's fair enough if your interest in their child is reciprocated from them to your child but otherwise if people are just "me me me," it gets boring!

Also, some people can make others feel quite bad about their child's achievements or non-achievements.

[ShellingPeas]

Yes and no. For instance my DD is artistic and very pretty but can't add two numbers together to make 10 and struggles with 'academia'. My DS is very bright but not terribly co-ordinated and can fall over when standing still. They both have strengths and weaknesses.

I don't think I'd have, or initiate a conversation saying "my DD is beautiful" or "my DS is very clever". That would be bragging and would be uncalled for but if people say "your DD is just beautiful" or "gosh your DS is clever isn't he" then I wouldn't say "oh no, he/she isn't" because it wouldn't be true.

[inveteratenamechanger]

Yes, Portofino, I completely agree. The problem is that people bragging about their DCs are often bragging about themselves by stealth:

'oh she sleeps so well BECAUSE I INTRODUCED A FAB ROUTINE'

'oh he's a great sharer BECAUSE I TAUGHT HIM'

or even worse

'oh he'll eat anything NOT LIKE YOUR FUSSY CHILD WHO'S BEEN RAISED ON FISH FINGERS'

etc etc

[stillenacht]

Spot on EmilyStrange

[Portofino]

Bragging is not nice. Adults who brag about their own accomplishments would be slated. Why should it be different for children?

We love our dcs. WE think they are the best thing since sliced bread. Everything they do is amazing. And it is!

And other people feel the same about their DC and really couldn't give a stuff about yours.

[EmilyStrange]

I also do these self-deprecating arguments but I have started to question whether I am in fact damaging my child's confidence not that I do that in front of them but still its not a boost for any of us. The problem is that some people "brag" in a dreadful way. It is that fine line between confidence and excitement and arrogant one-up-manship. So in theory you are right OP but in practice some parents are odious.

[Adair]

Well, yes, exactly. So do I- always the self-deprecating comments. but WHY?
Why can't we just enjoy each other's kids?

[OfficiallyMe]

oh im always bragging

i love it

its all i talk about in work

dont really care if anyone is interested or not, im happy