to be upset with my friend

[gingerbunny]

we had our ds2 christened last week, one of our closes friends of over 20 years, came with his partner and although they got us a card there was no gift.
Usually I won't be upset by this, but the background is that this friend is godfather to ds1 and pays money every month into a special account for him for when he's older.
Which is a really lovely thing to do for him and we are so grateful for that.
So therefore I was slightly upset when we opened all of ds2 gifts to find nothing from him.
I mulled it over for a week, he even came round for tea yesterday, but never said anything.
So I text him today and said we had some gifts without labels and was one from him.
He replied, 'no sorry, we couldn't find anything that wasn't tatt. I'll get him a cricket shirt next season.'
I'm really upset by this, I didn't expect him to do the same as for ds2, but AIBU to have expected a small token of something.

[gingerbunny]

ok consider this witch flamed!!
Happy all Hallo's Eve.

[TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied]

YABU. Surely you have more to worry about than this? He's probably skint at the moment or has been busy and forgot to get something. He might be feeling a bit weird about your txt now and he might well be planning to get your DS a cricket top- which is nice anyway.

[forkhandles]

for what it's worth I think YANBU, if close friends were having their child christened I would definitely take a gift and if I couldn't find one I would make a point of saying so and that it was in the pipeline. I would not just give a card. But then that's just me and we are all different.

However the text to him about gifts without labels is a bit in bad taste. Surely there couldn't have been that many that you couldn't work it out, sounds to me like you were trying to make him feel bad.

[wildfig]

YABVU and rude, sorry. You say you want him to treat your children equally, but you haven't set up that relationship - you've made him godfather to your DS1 but he'll just be a loving family friend to the other.

And, by the way, just because someone doesn't have children doesn't mean that they automatically want to shell out endless amounts of cash on kids' stuff. When you're not constantly exposed to ELC/Toys R Us, etc, it tends to look over-priced and shonky, and you never know if you're buying the right thing. Men are even more clueless, and tend not to recognise 'deadlines' for gift giving. My DH and I are godparents to various children, despite not having any of our own yet, and apart from token teddies, most of the presents we've given them have been late, but chosen carefully as things they'll treasure when they're a bit older.

[kneedeepinthedirtylaundry]

What's proper bitch etiquette then?!

[Tee2072]

Sorry, I don't find sexist jokes amusing.

And I'm not PMT. I'm always a bitch.

[kneedeepinthedirtylaundry]

Although you do sound a bit PMTish to me

[kneedeepinthedirtylaundry]

chill out tee, I wasn't talking about you specifically. And the PMT thing was a bit of a joke.

[Tee2072]

How misogynistic of you, kneedeepinthedirtylaundry, to assume anyone who disagrees with someone is having PMT.

I am not flaming for the hell of it. I am fed up with rude behaviour because people no longer follow proper etiquette.

This includes notes about wedding registries in the invitation and expecting a person's wedding gift to 'cover their plate', among other things.

I also get this worked up when people do not RSVP.

[kneedeepinthedirtylaundry]

You're welcome gingerbunny. I think on am i being unreasonable there are people who just want to flame for the hell of someone, not because they can honestly be so incensed by what they are reading ? minor things going on in other people's lives ? but so they have an excuse take their bad moods out on opening posters. Good place to relieve a bit of PMT!

[pipsqueak]

greedy!!

[bigstripeytiger]

I can understand why you want people to treat your children equally, but from your friends point of view one is a godchild, and one isnt. If it is a responsibility that your friend takes seriously then it would be expected that he would treat them differently.

Is it possible that your friend might feel that he has over-committed himself financially with the money for your DS1?

[Tee2072]

More importantly, I know all about proper etiquette and to not ask someone if they have neglected to send a gift.

Don't take your embarrassment of your rudeness out on other people. That is also very rude.

[diddl]

But if you wanted himto treat them equally,you should have made him godfather again!

[gingerbunny]

well Tee2072 you obviously know all about rude!

[Tee2072]

Actually, they are not, gingerbunny. Rude is rude. And you were very very rude to your friend.

[gingerbunny]

Yes my ds2 is under two.
Thank you OvaryActing and kneedeepinthedirtylaundry for understanding and not flaming!!

[kneedeepinthedirtylaundry]

Jeez, go easy on gingerbunny, she's just getting used to having two kids and presumably has a new baby. I'd imagine if I had a new baby, I'd be hyper sensitive of any inequality and it would take a bit of time to recallibrate things.

[gingerbunny]

Tee2072, i always make a point of sending thank you notes, that's why i need to find out who the gifts with no labels on are from as I would hate people to think we are ungratful.
So don't judge me on that just because i am upset by something else. They are two completey different things.

[OvaryActing]

YABU, but I think I'd be a little miffed in your situation as well, especially as he is such a close friend.

I can see his point of view though. Last year I didn't buy gifts for twins I am very close to because it was all such a load of junk and I couldn't find anything meaningful. I didn't want to buy something just for the sake of it, so didn't bother.

[FiveGoMadonTheDanceFloor]

YABVU

yes you would like him to treat them equally, but he does not have the same tie to DS2 as he does to DS1.

[hercules1]

You better hope he never finds out you started this thread as I expect the money sent to your other child's account will be stopped.

[star6]

I am sure that when your ds2 is older and understands, that he will treat them "equally". Am I right in assuming your ds2 is under 2years old at his christening?

[Lifeinagoldfishbowl]

yes you would like people to treat them the same but they are different children with different relationships with the man in question - you aren't always going to be able to treat your children equally.

what does it matter if this friend will not have his own children does that mean he has to buy your children gifts to make up for that fact?

[Tee2072]

Not only are very very unreasonable, you are very very rude and gift grabbing to ask him about it. Honestly, if I was your friend I would not only not give DS2 a gift at a future point, but seriously consider cutting down my gift giving to DS1.

Do you even send thank you notes? I would imagine not.