to be a leeeetle bit peed off with inlaws - dh thinks Im being OTT

[mosschops30]

Well I am heavily pregnant (my excuse for everything atm )

My IL's are young and fit, they live about 5-10 minutes drive from our house.
They do help out with sitting sometimes although we rarely ask them unless one of us is ill, or we have a rare night out, even then, we always have to take the kids to them, they never come here (so if we go out for a meal, we take kids over, go out and eat, have to go back and pick kids up, then come home)

Anyway dh has to work tonight, and I have a treatment booked, so I asked IL's if one of them would come up and have kids for an hour.
And they said 'yes but can you bring them down because we dont really want to have to drive home at that time of night - 9pm)!!!!!!
So I said it kind of defeated me having a relaxing pregnancy treatment if I had to drive over there, get kids in car, come home, get kids to bed etc) thats an hour of massage wasted IMHO.
They then agreed they would come up just this once as a favour

DH says Im being stupid, but I dont think it was asking much so AIBU??
(

[jeee]

But the in-laws are coming to look after the kids - which is what the OP wanted. Yes, she had to spell it out to them that this is what she wanted, but they are doing it. Which given that the OP obviously dislikes them is generous of them.

[mosschops30]

oh no baroness I dont imagine they think that either, and they are fab gp's and ds loves them to bits.

I dont mind that they dont babysit up here usually, I can quite understand why its easier and comfier to stay in your own house.

I just thought that on this occasion, they would have done it and not complained, but there we are.
Should I mention the labour thing to her tonight or will it sound like Im having a dig?

[diddl]

I don´t think what you´ve asked is unreasonable, but to me they sound like a lot of "older" people who will help, but at as little inconvenience to themselves as possible.

But I think they do need telling that if you go into labour when the children are asleep, they need to come to you.

Unless you have a back up?

When pregnant with 2nd, my "designated sitters" were an hour away, as was husband at work, so I had to have a neighbour on standby in case I had to in by ambulance alone.

[BaronessBarbaraKingstanding]

Ah well, if it's just a one off moan, rather than a running sore, then lucky you with your functional fmaily!

[mosschops30]

jeee i do not 'obviously dislike my IL's' at all.
In fact I prefer them to my own family at the moment

baroness I don t feel that we demand much of them, we both work full time and have always paid for full time childcarefor the dc's. The IL's have never had to pitch in, unless its an emergency.
Its not a babysitting thing really, they never come up and see us, but will ring to see when we're going down there.

Repeating myself again but people dont seem to be hearing me - I dont mind the dc's going down there usually, and yes I am very grateful that they babysit at all.
However on this one off occasion I though they might have just come up here for an hour without mentioning that they didnt want to.

[toddlerama]

They probably just didn't think of it. You asked, they said yes. Are you annoyed that they didn't 'just know' that you wanted things to be arranged differently this time?

[mosschops30]

diddl would you mention it to them yourself or should I ask dh to do it?
TBH I dont think he will, he doesnt confront them about much and Im not sure he will about this.
My DH is also an hour away at work, there have been a few times lately when I havent been able to get hold of them, but I have good friends and neighbours nearby who can be with me in a few minutes if needed

[jeee]

Apologies, but you did sound rather anti-them. Sorry.

[mosschops30]

toddlerama dont understand your post.

I did ask them specifically to come up (or one of them) and told them why and where I was going and what time etc'
Then they asked if they could have dc's down there as usual, despite me already explaining why I didnt want them to go down there this time.
Only then did MIL shout in background that she'd do it

[BaronessBarbaraKingstanding]

you are understandably peed off.

I think we should change 'am I being unresaonable?' to 'can you understand why I feel like this?' it would be much more supportive.

Most of the time peole feelings are understandable, if unreasonable, and it would only br truly unreasonable if acted upon in petulatnt hisyfit, whivh I never actualy see in AIBU, it's jusr people expressing their frustrations, hurt, upsets and getting torn apart for it.

Yeah, they could have come to help you out thid once.

[diddl]

I would say ask DH to mention-it´s his baby/children as well, so they arealso doing it for him.

If they don´t like the idea, you might have to look elsewhere!

TBH, it´s alround better if they go to yours, isn´t it as you don´t know how long you will be & they still might need to put the children to bed.

Although that might be more important to children who have schoolthe next day.

Is there anywhere for your children to sleep at ILs, if not I think it has to be at your house.

Plus toys etc are there, and they are more easily entertained.

[IsItMeOr]

I wondered if you had somebody who would come to your house to do any future massages? I have a lovely lady who does so, or at least had, before DS was born .

[2rebecca]

What's wrong with dropping kids with grandparents if they only live 10 min away?
We never had any nearby relatives so if I'd wanted all that pampering stuff I'd have had to either get a babysitter or arrange it for when husband was in. I think if people are babysitting for free then they call the shots.
If you want a babysitter at your house then pay for one.
Similarly grandparents being prepared to have kids when you go into labour sounds great and I don't see much difference between waiting 10 min (prob longer as older folks can take forever to leave the house) for them to come to your house to pick kids up, or just bundling kids in car and driving there.
I don't see any of my neighbours being happy to have my kids dropped on them for hours on end if I went into labour. Most of them have jobs anyway.
What would you do if you didn't use your inlaws?

[pleasechange]

On a general point, I do think it's a real shame that in this country the wider family isn't as keen to help out than in other countries. Where I'm from, and in many European countries, family members are more than happy to step in and help - it's not seen as doing someone a favour. Here it seems like many GPs want to keep things very much at arms length and to adopt more of a satellite GP style role. A great shame

[Stayingscarygirl]

2rebecca - as mosschops explained earlier in the thread, she's going to have a relaxing pregnancy massage, and if she has to go and get the kids from the ILs, put them in the car, drive them home and get them into bed, she feels she'll lose the relaxing benefits of the massage, whereas if the ILs babysit at her house, the kids will be asleep when she gets back, and she'll just be able to sit down and carry on relaxing - not unreasonable, in my opinion.

Just a thought, mosschops, but could you offer to send them home in a taxi? It shouldn't cost that much for such a short distance, and would offer a fair compromise between what you and they want.

[DrunkenDaisy]

not being funny, but perhaps they's planned to do something tonight (film / dinner/ shag/ whatever).

I'm very happy to babysit any of my neices or nephews - really enjoy it in fact. but if i was asked on the day to do it so they could have a massage, I'd be a bit wtf??? i'm not at your beck and call, sorry.

[pleasechange]

thing is though drunken, that's assuming that the babysittng is a 'favour'. My question is, why does a GP looking after a GC have to be seen as a 'favour', rather than a lovely surprising opportunity to see your GC more?

[DrunkenDaisy]

Because they are people in their own rights. They've done their children-rearing and probably have other interests on their lives too now.

I'm sure most of the time they see the GC it is a lovely and welcome thing - but not right to assume it's the best thing / most important thing they've got to do with their lives.

[GrendelsMum]

So it sounds like they took a while to understand WHY you didn't think it would be as relaxing for you to take the children over and collect them up again as for them to come over and sit them at your house. Which of course, we can all see.

Is the problem just that they have no idea what a relaxing pregnancy massage is, what it's for, why you want one, etc? I think it is rather a 'modern' concept, and your ILs might just be a bit baffled by the whole thing, and why its different for you going for a normal night out.

[Chandon]

I see why you feel that way.

Still, you are asking them to babysit, for free as they´re family.

Do you do things for them ?

just wondering.

Why not get your own babysitter (one that you pay per hour) then you can take time off when you want!

[pleasechange]

It is really is a sad state of affairs though to have to book a babysitter when there are family so close by. I keep asking the same question - why is the GPs spending quality time with the GCs seen as doing the OP a favour, when she has stated several times that it happens so rarely? The family really has broken down in this country if this has to be seen as a favour which should only be requested if you're willing to reciprocate with another favour for them!

[beanie35]

At least your ils will babysit. We have to fork out for a babysitter when we want a night out and yet our family is close by. Just selfish

[2rebecca]

It's babysitting if the grandparents aren't allowed to stay in their own house.
Most people would prefer to spend the evening in their own house given the choice.
The GPs aren't refusing to look after the kids, just saying they'd rather do it in their own house, which is understandable. On the other hand it's understandable the OP would rather have the kids tucked up in their own beds. I would never insist a relative leave their own house and come to mine to look after kids, unless they live some distance away and are coming for a while and have to take them to school etc.
You aren't doing this so they can have quality time with granny as the kids will be tired. You are doing it because you fancy a massage. They are doing you a favour.

[pleasechange]

I still find it really sad that on such an isolated basis, the GPs find their own preference to stay at home as more important than having the children more settled in their own house, with their own things, and getting ready for bad

[2rebecca]

Maybe they had things planned though. This doesn't sound like a planned babysitting arrangement, or for something that most people would consider important, just a massage that could have been scheduled at any time. Different if the poster had discussed her desire to have a massage and the GPs to have the kids at her house so she could relax and arranged a mutually convenient time. It all sounds a bit me, me me. My "pampering" session, when I choose and you babysit the kids where I tell you to.

I'm sure it wasn't meant like that but it comes across like that to me.