to be a leeeetle bit peed off with inlaws - dh thinks Im being OTT

[mosschops30]

Well I am heavily pregnant (my excuse for everything atm )

My IL's are young and fit, they live about 5-10 minutes drive from our house.
They do help out with sitting sometimes although we rarely ask them unless one of us is ill, or we have a rare night out, even then, we always have to take the kids to them, they never come here (so if we go out for a meal, we take kids over, go out and eat, have to go back and pick kids up, then come home)

Anyway dh has to work tonight, and I have a treatment booked, so I asked IL's if one of them would come up and have kids for an hour.
And they said 'yes but can you bring them down because we dont really want to have to drive home at that time of night - 9pm)!!!!!!
So I said it kind of defeated me having a relaxing pregnancy treatment if I had to drive over there, get kids in car, come home, get kids to bed etc) thats an hour of massage wasted IMHO.
They then agreed they would come up just this once as a favour

DH says Im being stupid, but I dont think it was asking much so AIBU??
(

[Morloth]

I wonder if in 30 years there will be a GrandMumsnet where all the current posters can come and complain about how their DILs expect them to be at their beck and call and then we can all have a good bitch about how easy they have it etc...

[diddl]

TBH, although my Ils would be happy enough to babysit to enable husband & I to have a night out, I think they might be a bit at me booking something for myself when husband was at work and it not being organised for a time when my husband was at home to look after the children.

[BloodRedTulips]

pmsl at dropping the kids off on the way to hospital... my mother actually suggested that to us when i was heavily pregnant with ds2 , that would have taken us an hour of route on an already long drive to the hospital.

i used the hormones as a good excuse to have words that time

as it turned out we would have been better doing that though as she took 3 hours to arrive at our house when i was in labour!

[Northernlurker]

Forget the in laws - they sound hopeless. Book a babysitter next time.

[BloodRedTulips]

my parents do this, but they're half an hour away... if we want babysitting we have to all stay there for the night as taking the kids back out of bed to go home is practically impossible.

bloody nuisance and it drives us mad as we have no other family so they're our only babysitting option. i'm an only child so it's not like they're overrun with babysitting requests... maybe 3/4 times a year (not at all since ds2 has been born as he won't take a bottle)

so no, YANBU to be annoyed but i doubt there's much you can do without causing a fight that's not really worth it.

[pleasechange]

fair enough custy - your opinion and your choice

Yes, I understand MILs have a life too, and I know how important to my MIL for her so spend her days clothes shopping rather than seeing her GC - her choice, but likewise, she is missing out on a lot and is in no position to have any issues to be treated differently as a GP than my mother

[Tortington]

wjilst i agre entirely with your sentiment allnew, i still maintain.....massage? whilst i would be very happy to help out on a number of occasions - i can understand not wanting to give up my time so dil can have a massage becuase she's pregnant.

i may do - i might not - depends on how busy i am in reality - but i do understand not wanting to give up my time. My time is valuable too and DIls must understand this.

[pleasechange]

sticktoyourgins - I agree, and I have seen these threads. What I'm saying is though, if MILs have an 'arms length' approach to grandparenting, this is very likely why DILs also maybe have an arms length approach to their inlaws. At the end of the day, if a MIL is less willing to help out her DIL with DCs than she would be her own daughter's DCs, then it is perfectly understandable that the DIL will see the MIL's grandparenting role very differently to that of her own mother

[sticktoyourgins]

But so many DILs want to keep their MILs at arm's length (not saying mosschops does just responding to allnew). Time and again on MN pregnant DILs will say that they're happy for their mum to visit as soon as they've given birth but want MIL to give them some space. The Christmas threads are littered with DILs complaining about having to accommodate PILs when they'd rather spend it with their "own" family.

[pleasechange]

wanting paid to look after her own GC - wow, we really are in a capitalist society

[Tortington]

i had to pay my mil to look after my children.

qualifying remarks aside,

i think that if you read my post again, you will see that i would be more than happy to help out on any number of occasions, but I wouldn't be best chuffed to have to help out for a massage

i don't think that's mean. I have a life too

[pleasechange]

but say it was your daughter heavily pg and tired. On an isoldated occasion, she asks you on the hop to come and look after the dc's for couple of hours so she can have a massage. Do you a) feel peeved to be asked such a thing or b) happy to help her out

If he answer is different for your own daughter as opposed to your DIL, that speaks volumes

On a personal front, my MIL (lives closeby) has never once ever offered to babysit for us. My mother, on the other hand, has offered on several occasions, to fly over, from a different country, so that DH and I can have a night out

And then people wonder why a DIL has more affinity towards her own mother than her MIL

[Tortington]

maybe allnew, maybe it goes both ways.

[Mybox]

yanbu - could your kids stay at their grandparents for the night? That way they wouldn't have to drive in the dark & you'd get some rest?

[pleasechange]

well maybe that attitude is why so many MILs fail to be able to adapt a good relationship with their DILs

[Tortington]

i would be a bit pissed off at having to interrupt my evening to babysit whilst my DIL went off for a massage

went for a doctors appt - sure

went shopping without kids - i get it

went out with dh for some lurrve time - certainly.

massage though?

[pleasechange]

all that planning, it's all so 'english' though. Sense of family and community really has gone out of the window

[2rebecca]

Maybe they had things planned though. This doesn't sound like a planned babysitting arrangement, or for something that most people would consider important, just a massage that could have been scheduled at any time. Different if the poster had discussed her desire to have a massage and the GPs to have the kids at her house so she could relax and arranged a mutually convenient time. It all sounds a bit me, me me. My "pampering" session, when I choose and you babysit the kids where I tell you to.

I'm sure it wasn't meant like that but it comes across like that to me.

[pleasechange]

I still find it really sad that on such an isolated basis, the GPs find their own preference to stay at home as more important than having the children more settled in their own house, with their own things, and getting ready for bad

[2rebecca]

It's babysitting if the grandparents aren't allowed to stay in their own house.
Most people would prefer to spend the evening in their own house given the choice.
The GPs aren't refusing to look after the kids, just saying they'd rather do it in their own house, which is understandable. On the other hand it's understandable the OP would rather have the kids tucked up in their own beds. I would never insist a relative leave their own house and come to mine to look after kids, unless they live some distance away and are coming for a while and have to take them to school etc.
You aren't doing this so they can have quality time with granny as the kids will be tired. You are doing it because you fancy a massage. They are doing you a favour.

[beanie35]

At least your ils will babysit. We have to fork out for a babysitter when we want a night out and yet our family is close by. Just selfish

[pleasechange]

It is really is a sad state of affairs though to have to book a babysitter when there are family so close by. I keep asking the same question - why is the GPs spending quality time with the GCs seen as doing the OP a favour, when she has stated several times that it happens so rarely? The family really has broken down in this country if this has to be seen as a favour which should only be requested if you're willing to reciprocate with another favour for them!

[Chandon]

I see why you feel that way.

Still, you are asking them to babysit, for free as they´re family.

Do you do things for them ?

just wondering.

Why not get your own babysitter (one that you pay per hour) then you can take time off when you want!

[GrendelsMum]

So it sounds like they took a while to understand WHY you didn't think it would be as relaxing for you to take the children over and collect them up again as for them to come over and sit them at your house. Which of course, we can all see.

Is the problem just that they have no idea what a relaxing pregnancy massage is, what it's for, why you want one, etc? I think it is rather a 'modern' concept, and your ILs might just be a bit baffled by the whole thing, and why its different for you going for a normal night out.

[DrunkenDaisy]

Because they are people in their own rights. They've done their children-rearing and probably have other interests on their lives too now.

I'm sure most of the time they see the GC it is a lovely and welcome thing - but not right to assume it's the best thing / most important thing they've got to do with their lives.