To dislike it when crowds of rowdy teenagers gather in parks designed for SMALL children?

[poshsinglemum]

I know they are bored and don't have any youth clubs to go to and blah de blah de blah but I felt intimidated when I took my dd (15 months) to the park today.
There was a tiny group of three teenagers but they were throwing around a litre bottle of coke which was spraying everywhere and they found it HILARIOUS.
Thay were making a lot of noise for a small group and there were loads of tiny tots around.
Why can't they bugger off to the skate park and leave the liitleuns alone? I would have said something if I didn't think i'd get stabbed. . If they must then do it at night. Not in the day with teenies around.

[smoking2shoes]

since when was 3 teens.......crowds of teens?

[poshsinglemum]

This is my point exactly- there were only three of them but they were making enough noise and disturbance as a large crowd of people. Imagine what ten or more would be like.
My point is that they weren't just chilling out- they were making a huge ruckous. Totally unnecessary.

[twirlymum]

I refuse to be intimidated. I have experienced working with teens, and have always found that if you treat them with respect, they in turn will respect you.
I asked a group once if they would mind moving so dd could go on the swings. They moved at once, and were really friendly. I also ask (politely) if they could put their rubbish in the bins, as it could be a hazard to little ones. I've never had a problem.

[Niecie]

We don't have any skate parks around here which is a shame. It isn't like we don't have the space but persumably people just don't want them on their doorsteps.

I don't mind the teenagers hanging around that much except when they liberally pepper their talk with swear words.

I had hoped DS2 wasn't listening but unfortunately he was as he did drop the odd bombshell into his conversations over the next few days. Just as well MIL wasn't around at the time!!

[shockers]

colditz

[KembleTwins]

I think it's a shame you felt intimidated OP. The only time I've come across this was right at the end of last summer term, and some teenagers were in the park having been let out of school early. They were sitting on the huge basket swing thing, but moved immediately when my friend and I asked if they would let our toddlers have a go.

I agree with whoever it was who said that they will nearly always be polite as long as you are polite first (am a teacher so work with teenagers)

[Dominique07]

I understand... I hate it when professionals gather in parks thinking it was made for them, despite the toddler play equipment. I'm there having my humiliating moments with DS chasing pigeons, trying to eat leaves on the floor and running out of the park onto the roads and I just wish it were only other parents who actually understand!

But both groups, professionals and teenagers are highly unlikely to pose any danger to your child, try talking to one one day - ask a normal question like do have the time? I'm sure a small group of teens will be perfectly considerate when they notice that there are others around!

[poshsinglemum]

Twirly- Why can't they respect me first? Then mabe I will respect them. That's the problem with this day and age. We are scared of kids because they will only respect us if we respect them first. Crackers. It has to be mutual.
I have heard this as a teacher- that they will only respect me if I respect them. Surely it should be the other way around or at least a mutual thing.

[poshsinglemum]

If it was a large group of teens hanging out and having a laugh- not too bad but the coke bottle lobbing near small kids- WHY???????????????????????

[colditz]

because they are children and you are the adult - you are supposed to model the behavior you want to see. That's why you respect them (in their capacity as non-adults) - so that they understand that your 'relationship', however temporary, is to be a respectful one.

I do voluntary work with teen offenders, they are mostly great.

[colditz]

I respect teenagers and am not scared of them one iota. Not even the stabby looking ones

[KembleTwins]

What do you mean posh? What were they doing that was disrespectful to you? I know -it riles me too. When I was first teaching in London, I heard a lot of kids doing the "you respect me and I'll respect you" thing, but finally figured out that they just wanted me (as the person who tended to speak first) to be pleasant, and they would be pleasant back (generally) The teenagers were not being disrespectful to you by being in the park. If they had been shouting "Oi! Fatty! Fuck off with your snotty kid" or something, that would have been different, but it seems they were minding their own business, engrossed in their coke bottle shenanigans. When I said be respectful, I meant saying "Could my DC use the climbing frame/swing/slide (if they were obscuring equipment) now please?" rather than "You lot shouldn't be in here. It's for small children. Now bugger off" in an aggressive way. That's all. Not that you did that - just an example.

[twirlymum]

I understand what you mean, but I've found that most teens are decent kids. Obviously there are the odd bad ones.
If they were swearing, I would ask them to stop as I don't want dc's hearing it.
Most teens are incredibly self-absorbed, and boys mature later than girls. They might not even realise they could have hurt someone, unless it is pointed out to them.

[LadyMagpieOK]

I need a chat with colditz.

I have a teenage problem in that I hate them. It wasn't that long ago I was one, but these seem like a different breed with all the 'gangsta' aura.

I hate them and they sense it as soon as they look at me. Like dog's who can sense fear.

Like I said, I need a chat with colditz to overcome my problem because she is right y'know OP.

[colditz]

teenage boys are a heady mix of silliness and testosterone. They have the physical self control and impulse control of an average 3 year old. They behave like 3 year olds.

Teenage girls behave like 9 year olds - they are clever, catty, and very immature.

Saying that, I know some lovely three year olds, and I know some lovely 9 year olds

You need to channel the voice of your favourite high school teacher. And smile, and make eye contact, nicely. You know, just like you do with real people who aren't arsing around.

TBH, I tend to think of teen silliness as background, and I try to ignore it.

[LadyMagpieOK]

It's mainly teenage boys I have issues with.

I 'get' the girls.

The boys I dislike with a passion - will try picturing them as 3yr olds in future. You are quite right in that I need to show them respect

[colditz]

Just imagine to yourself that they are 3, and you have been left in charge of getting them to wear they need to be. They need to do it, but you don't want any tantrums, so you're going to treat them like big grown up boys, and be a nice smily lady for them.

remember, some boys are tall, some of these 'teenagers' might be 11 or 12!

[LadyMagpieOK]

@ big grown up boys. They act like such hard men they would hate it if they knew this was what I was thinking

[sunnydelight]

In a few years time you'll be on here complaining about precious mums of toddlers giving out to your teenager who is spending his time harmlessly hanging around in the park with his friends.

I love living in a place where teenage boys aren't automatically assumed to be thugs, a woman even drove my 16 year old home the other day when he fell off his skateboard and hurt himself. It's amazing she wasn't afaid of being mugged!!!

[valhala]

Not read all the posts but in my town it goes a stage further. The BMX track is next to the little one's playground on our rec.... quite intimidating to not only the mums with little ones but family groups like mine and my pal's, with a combined group of teenaged girls (14 and 14), a 12 YO girl and a 13 year old lad who enjoys the loud and sometimes OTT behaviour of the teen boys on the BMX track but is family orientated nonetheless and a 6 YO. I say this even though I'm one who, like the pal who joins me in the area in the summer, is not given to being mouse-like with the boys on their BMXs who can be pretty obnoxious at times.

That, though, isn't the problem... its the young adults with their mopeds/motorbikes and cars, putting lives at risk by the way they ride/drive them in the adjoining carpark which really pee me off. They are not only dangerous but unpleasant and don't respond well to politeness and a friendly "on your side, but please can you be careful" attitude.

It really hacks me off as in all other respects our small town is great and has a better respect for others than most in my experience. Its very child-aware, having suffered a child-related tragedy which brought the whole community together but this one problem spoils it.

We have no police station in town, just a couple of Specials who operate from an office in the convenience store during daytime so the youngster's nightime driving/biking activities go unchecked. As someone who spent her youth on the back of fast bikes and who still has a lot of biker mates (and who has sadly lost some to accidents), I am upset that the youngsters on bikes are acting like nutters and not even wearing leathers but I feel that we will have to experience more loss of life before anyone does anything.

Not much help to the OP I know, but I just thought I would say that I sympathise and add my experiences.

[OrmIrian]

Well it depends on your view of 'rowdy' and 'teens' I suppose. And that view point will shift when yours are older.

IME they wouldn't have 'stabbed' you and would have stopped if you asked them nicely. Most teens are very sweet really and often like little children - probably have small siblings themselves. The scary things is just a front OK.

The skate park is OK if you like skating (quite that you have one - DS~1 is desperate for ours to get built)

[chimchar]

just wanted to add, colditz has it bang on about the three year old thing...i've never thought of it that way, but it actually made me laugh because it is so spot on in my job!

i work (literally) on the streets with teens and also in a school for teen boys with behavioural and social problems...it very much is about offering the respect first, to show your "motive" if you like..."i'm here, i'm not against you or going to cause trouble for you" it generally comes straight back.

we work on the basis of building relationshps, then challenging the anti social behaviour/attitudes/litter/drug use/whatever.

[OrmIrian]

Having read on, I don't even think it's about 'respect'. It is simply extending the courtesy that you would to any other adult that you meet. Their actions weren't aggressive or disrespectful - they were simply enjoying themselves - the fact that you perceived it as that isn't their fault. Teenagers get carried away with stuff - they are still children in some ways. If you want them to stop, ask them politely. They will.

[Phoenix4725]

I have 2 male teens and if was hanging round where toddlers are they wouldbe used to being climbed ove , orbeing asked 5 thousand why questins ,and if was asked to move would do so with a qualm and would throw a sorry in most their friends the same