to be upset by this old man?

[whydobirdssuddenlyappear]

I didn't really want my first post, after months of lurking, to be an AIBU, but this has really bothered me. I was on the bus home with my children this afternoon (out of necessity, by the way - I'd been somewhere that's 5 miles from home, and has no parking, so walking or driving were out of the questiion), and my son had been sitting down, when an elderly lady got on, who clearly needed the seat. So I asked him to come and stand by my buggy (which is really stable, and has good brakes, therefore safer to hold onto than nothing, or a hand, which was all that was available) and hold onto it. Which he did. At which point an elderly man sitting behind me proceeded to have a massive go at me for not holding his hand, told me I shouldn't be allowing him to walk around the bus (he only walked from the seat to the buggy so an old lady could sit, ffs), told me he'd get hurt and mess up everyone's journey, that I wasn't capable of looking after him, should go 'back to school to learn how to look after my children' and was a bad mother. I probably shouldn't have responded to him in the first place (to tell him to back off and that it was none of his business, and that my son was holding on and I was hardly likely to let him hurt himself) and granted, I probably shouldn't have called him a horrible old man, or, eventually shouted LOOK, JUST BUTT OUT PLEASE (hell, at least I said please) but AIBU to be upset? I mean, IMPE, holding someone's hand on the bus is actually not very safe, and tends to create human dominoes if the bus moves off suddenly. It's surely better to be holding on to something that's unlikely to move. Oh, and nobody else(none of the adults, anyway - my 4yo turned round and said 'oh shut up you horrid man' - which I probably shouldn't be proud of him for, but I am) bothered to tell him to leave me alone. They waited until he'd got OFF the bus to make sure I was ok - I wasn't - I'd had a shitty day, have bad PMT, had a migraine coming, and was trying my hardest to keep everything together and not lose my essential last-minute shopping (toilet roll), purse, keys or children, and therefore ended up in floods of tears, feeling like a total twat. My husband thinks I overreacted. So, did I? Am I endangering the bus journeys of many and the life of my children by insisting my son (who, at 4, is 3ft 8 and 2 stone, and perfectly capable pf sending me flying) holds onto static objects and gets up for old ladies? Should I have fallen down and thanked him for his considered, politely delivered parenting advice? In short, AIBU? Well, am I?

[whydobirdssuddenlyappear]

IsItMe - who says I have?

Squishabelle poor you. It does feel very isolating when some random stranger decides that you're fair game for them to vent their spleen at.

I really still can't see what his problem was. My kids were even being QUIET, ffs. Ah well. Another day, another twat eh? Only thing I can do is attempt to bring my kids up to realise that you just don't treat people like that.

[IsItMeOr]

YANBU. DH agrees you were understandably upset and is very impressed you didn't swear.

Touching how your little DS stuck up for you, really. Loving the talk to the hand image, and oh how their little voices do carry . Good for him and you. Given that he can move sofas, old git is lucky that you have taught him it's wrong to hit people .

[whydobirdssuddenlyappear]

I very nearly did! Surprised I didn't, tbh. DS, though, after the lovely man got off the bus, did remark dismissively 'What an old git' in his piercing little voice. And there I was, trying to teach him respect for his elders

[Squishabelle]

YANBU. I have had three very nasty encounters with old men; ALL of them in Sainsburys!

[KimiTheThreadSlayingAxeKiller]

YANBU I would have been a lot less polite then you were and told him to feck off

[whydobirdssuddenlyappear]

Oh aren't people lovely...
On my way TO the group I was at today, someone got on with a kid in a buggy, parked buggy next to mine, and took kid out. A few stops later (on a bus that comes 3 times an hour), another lady with a buggy was waiting. Her baby was asleep, so when the driver told her to fold her buggy up, she couldn't. I quickly asked the other woman if she'd fold hers (since it was empty, and had NO bags on it), and she refused. Was about to tell driver I'd fold mine (despite it actually containing a child, and being festooned with many many bags and a rather large travel potty), but he drove off. Poor woman would have had to stand in the cold, on a fairly lonely street, for 20 minutes. I love people on buses...
That said, last time I went, I had to get out of the wheelchair space for a wheelchair, and when I tried to fold my buggy down, hold onto an excitable toddler and not lose bags, packed lunch etc, the lovely old ladies in the set of 4 seats nearby all sat sideways and made me go in between their seats. So I guess it isn't all bad...

[bethylou]

In order to try and lighten your mood after a horrible day, just thought I would share my experience the last time I ventured onto public transport (have been put off ever since):

I was sitting on a bus when an elderly lady got on and asked for a ticket to ... When we got to that stop she didn't stand up. The driver remembered that someone had asked for the stop, pulled the bus over and asked if anyone wanted that stop. The lady carried on looking out of the window. I thought she was a bit deaf, so being the friendly soul that I am, said, "Excuse me, I think this is your stop."

Elderly lady turned into angry woman who spat at me, shouted at me to mind my f -ing business and was clearly trying to pay for less of the journey than she was really intending to take!

As a very inexperienced public transport user, I had only intended to be helpful! Note to self: mind one's own in future...

She continued muttering at me so I got off the bus at the next stop and walked the rest of my (paid for) journey as one lot of spit was enough for one day!

[whydobirdssuddenlyappear]

abra1d, thanks. I shan't (let him get me down, that is). I think I possibly would have just ignored him if I hadn't been feeling so shit anyway (hell I live in London, it's what we do. Never engage the nutter on the bus. Pretend to be deaf, pretend to be on the phone, read the Sport someone left on the seat if you have to...). Would prefer not to encounter him again though...
I hope for his sake that it isn't dementia.
Have already had the bubble bath. Stiff drink probably out of the question. Head still bloody killing me, and no painkillers in the house apart from baby ibuprofen. Which I am most definitely NOT taking....

[abra1d]

The only thing I can say in consolation is that some old people literally do 'lose' the parts of their brains dealing with inhibition and reason. He may not have been all there. Really.

Probably dementia or pre-dementia.

I've had similarly bizarre encounters with old people that have really upset me.

Just pour yourself a stiff drink. Or have a bubble bath. You sound like a nice person. Don't let the old bugger get you down.

[whydobirdssuddenlyappear]

Oh and also, it's old men on a bus, not the parents of a child, who are appropriately qualified to gauge whether said child could hold on if the bus driver started suddenly. Because if a doddery old man can't grip hard enough, a 4yo who can MOVE MY SOFAS (something I do NOT encourage, by the way) couldn't POSSIBLY manage. Because of course I've NO idea what my own kid is physically capable of, and I've NEVER got the bus with him to that particular (weekly) group before...
I think I'm ranting. Sorry...

[whydobirdssuddenlyappear]

Ugh. Why do people think they have a right to interfere like that? Especially since they probably would never do it when it was actually needed. I could guarantee that if I looked a bit rough, and my kids were swearing, and I was methodically twatting them around the head with a crack pipe, he would have said absolutely NOTHING.

[Sarimillie]

Whydobirds, you have my sympathy. I had a similar altercation with a woman on the bus a few months ago - and she, tho similarly nasty, didn't even have the excuse of being old. Our sons must be kindred spirits, tho - he was the only one backing me up until she got off. At which point, of course, others chimed in. Amazing that our preschoolers have more courage than the average adult.

[whydobirdssuddenlyappear]

FAB no I was already standing. I was tucked in the corner by DD's buggy, trying to ensure she didn't get bored and start screaming. I hate getting on the bus and leaving her, and there aren't any seats really close to the buggy/ wheelchair area on the little buses round here.

[Ronaldinhio]

we were teenagers and loved it

my parents had other views on the matter

[FABIsInTraining]

Could you have got up for the old lady?

[whydobirdssuddenlyappear]

oh ronaldinhio how awful for you

[whydobirdssuddenlyappear]

Actually, mathanxiety, no he didn't. But let's face it, he didn't come across as the chivalrous type. Although to be fair, given that he was fairly advanced in years himself, I wouldn't have expected him to get up, especially since DS (who's only 4.5, and therefore doesn't yet get paid for) was sitting down. Balls to it. Perhaps I'll just let him sit next time, since parents out with kids seem to be able to do no right. Although that'd hardly have been fair on the poor old lady...

[Ronaldinhio]

my grandmother became very inappropriately opinionated and very very nasty before a dementia diagnosis

just a thought

might just be an oul fecker though

[whydobirdssuddenlyappear]

I will stop short of wishing it was early onset dementia, and that he's not just like that, since dementia's not something I'd wish on anyone (obviously), but would someone who was ill rather than just nasty be attempting (and succeeding, until he got off) to get the other people on the bus to agree with him?

[mathanxiety]

So he didn't get up to offer his seat to the old lady either, on top of everything else?

[Ronaldinhio]

yanbu

might be early onset dementia (him not you)

you are upset because it was unfair and made you angry

coffin dodgers, eh?

[whydobirdssuddenlyappear]

It wasn't just that DS told him to shut up, it was the tone of utter contempt in which he said it. And the 'talk to the hand' gesture that accompanied it. Would have been hilariously funny in any other circumstances.

[LynetteScavo]

YANBU

Poor you!

And well done to your DS for telling him to shut up.

[whydobirdssuddenlyappear]

'back to school to learn to look after my children' as well. Don't know whether to be furious or flattered by that one. Am 32.

[whydobirdssuddenlyappear]

Perhaps I should have said 'well if you're that concerned about the safety of my ds, then give him your seat, you self-important, opinionated, misogynistic twat' Except I'd possibly have lost him at 'concerned'. It has 2 syllables.