for not liking my partners drinking?

[emmeloo]

my partner likes to have a drink after work, sometimes only 1 can sometimes more. we disagree about this alot and it has nearly pulled us apart severel times. once a week (like tonight) he will go to the pub after work without saying a word and come home late and drunk. ive asked him to stop as sometimes i worry he cant control it. he trys but soon slips back. i feel he is being selfish and it really hurts me and upsets our son when his dad isnt home. i spoke to him earlier and he never said he was going out. im so cross im a being ott?

[fandango75]

no yanbu he is behaving like an arse - sounds like he has a bit of a drink prob can you get him to see his gp?

[stainesmassif]

i don't necessarily think your dp has a drink problem without further info, but i do find as a general rule (huge generalisation) that men can be selfish when it comes to alcohol consumption. there seems to be a commonly held belief that it is their 'right'. and i speak as one who used to enjoy plenty of nights out.

[fandango75]

if u cant stop u have a problem, simple.

[emmeloo]

Ive asked him to go he says he doesnt need too he doesnt think its a drink problem. his family (mil etc) think he just likes a drink and it is just me being ott.
Its worse because he was being really considerate this morning talking to me as ive been feeling really bad about the 1 year an of my dad dying. he even said i love you on the phone (which he never does when he is at work!!!) now i know it was just cos he was sneaking off out, its a kick in the teeth sorry guys this is a right rant i dont want to talk about it with my friends family

[Seuss]

drink problem or not, he could at least let you know when he is going to the pub and give you a rough idea of when to expect him. yanbu - he is being inconsiderate.

[Lilyloooohhhh]

So you were expecting him home after work ?
He has gone out without letting you know ?
Yep he is an arse

[emmeloo]

yep he was ment to pick his D up from where i work, he said he didnt want to walk her in the rain!! now i know the truth. she had to stay with me till 5.30 with no tea meanwhile our son is waiting to be picked up from after school club. if he finished work early he could of sorted them out. my head tells me this is a losing battle and i should move on but after 2kids and 8 years and he asked me to marry him last month its tearing me apart. i feel like he only did that so he can do what he likes. im sooo lonely my family live far away i feel completely stuck

[tadjennyp]

Can you go and visit your family for the weekend to get some distance from the situation? You might feel a bit less lonely then and have a clearer head to sort out what you really want and how to go about getting it.

[emmeloo]

no i dont have a great relationship with my mum,she doesnt really have the space for us either. what ever i do im on my own, i feel like to much of a fool to talk to her about it she does that mum thing (i told you so etc etc)

[tadjennyp]

Have you got a friend you really trust you can pop round for a coffee with and tell them how you feel? I know what you mean about being lonely - I live 6000 miles away from my family and most of my friends so sending you lots of hugs.
Have you tried discussing an alternative with your dp? For instance going straight to the pub after work on a Friday but popping back to read your ds a night time story? Or putting ds to bed then going out with his mates? Perhaps dh doesn't really understand that ds is upset when his dad isn't around?

[starwhores]

Get him to ring the AA, they will go thourgh a checklist and he'll see whether or not he has a drinking problem.