.......to 'keep an eye' on ex-friends posts on another forum?

[Astrid28]

to keep it brief, have quite recently fallen out a with a friend.

She still uses a forum that I introduced her to years ago. Whilst innocently browsing said forum a month or so ago I found a post by her detailing our falling out and surrounding details (all in her favour of course) and then read 10 or so more posts from strangers calling me a variety of not very nice names! I wanted to respond, composed several responses in fact, but never posted in the end.

Since then I've been cyber stalking keeping an eye on her posts from time to time to see if anything more is said, and generally be nosey about her life.

AIBU or AIJBW??? (just being weird??!!)

[MitchyInge]

well you know what they say about eavesdroppers never hearing anything good about themselves - what did you think of her side of the story though? did you recognise any truth in it?

[QOD]

I like to do that!

[Astrid28]

I can't! I'm frightened she's stalking me too!!

This whole business of being recognised in cyberland has me looking over my virtual shoulder!!

[AliGrylls]

I did something similar once (in fact I confess it was to an ex-boyf after we split up) for about a month.

It was actually really therapheutic, especially when I saw that he had described me to someone else as "slightly bizarre". For some strange reason actually knowing what he thought of me made me feel better (which maybe means I am slightly bizarre). I think if you are going to use that information in a positive way, ie, thinking that she is awful for saying things about you then definitely YANBU.

In addition to this, she has put it in the public domain for all to see.

[Bucharest]

Course you're not the only one.
Ex-boyfies and their wives, ex forum friends.
Pah- show me someone who says they've never done it and I'll show you someone who hasn't yet realised what t'net is for.

[horaceisagreatname]

Hi astrid - have namechanged just in case but just to say I do this too - I noticed an ex friend wrote on a forum (on MN in fact!) about our falling out. So I just did it back on AIBU and everyone said I wasn't. Ha. I follow her posts often though. Shhh - don't tell anyone!

[claw3]

All seems a bit childish to me, she said, he said, she said, i couldnt be arsed with.

FB appears to be nothing more than a nosey playground and should have an age limit of under 16's only.

Bah!

[DuelingFanjo]

"Whilst innocently browsing said forum a month or so ago I found a post by her detailing our falling out and surrounding details "

be honest.

Have you ever done a search on all her posts?

Personally I think you are wrong and YABU to keep an eye on her. If you look for trouble you will find it.
On the other hand she's obviously a bit thick to be posting it on a site that she knows you use.

[VinegarTits]

I bet your friends never fall out with you KM

[Astrid28]

Hi DuelingFanjo - I hadn't then, it was a genuine find (not a very hard one as I said I use the forum all the time - maybe more than she thought and she knows I know her user name)but I have done since! I've actually not done it this week - maybe because she doesn't post anything very interesting anymore!

Mitchyinge, yes I did notice the truth in it, however there were SO many surrounding factors that she failed to mention, she told no lies as such, but it wasn't at all a complete picture. Which is partly why I didn't respond, I thought I'd leave her to get some sympathy. I wasn't interested in making matters worse. I hadn't intended to fall out in the first place, she's very sensitive, and sometimes I'm not sensitive enough. Doesn't make a good combination!

Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has peeped, I feel that I'm over the worst of it now. I think I got just the right balance of answers from yuo MNers, I needed confirmation that it's not really on, but also to know that I wasn't fit to be arrested. Thanks All!

[AliGrylls]

I don't think there is any need to feel bad about doing this sort of thing. If people put stuff like this on the internet then it means they don't mind everyone seeing. If you don't want someone to know what you think of them keep it off the internet.

[scottishmummy]

you are being unduly preoccupied.no internet grudges i say

but on other hand if she drags her she said/i said tittle tattle around internet, then tough titty if folk read it.including her stalkery tendencies ex-mate

did she post about you in AIBU, and the MN jury called you names?

what did you fall out about.
did she copy your baby name?

[Astrid28]

scottishmummy - ha ha! no she didn't steal my babyname, she doesn't even have children! and it was on an entirely different forum.

In a nutsell, she had a go at me for being pre-occupied with my own life when she was having a hard time with her (sometimes) ex partner. It came totally out of the blue and was not the first time she had told me off - I have always found her rather dominating so always said & did what would keep her happy. She could be a wonderful friend, but I had to tread very carefully. She (according to the post) saw this as me having taken all I could from her, then ditched her when she needed it most.

I had been there for her through most of the drama and decided that she then might like some space so didn't contact her to keep going on about it. My baby was also only a month old at the time, so had my own things going on as well.

I went nuts and said I was sick of her attitude towards me and if she didn't know me well enough to know that I had not intended to hurt her then she could....I think I said.....go and fuck herself. I was very angry and is was the tip of a 5 year iceberg!! I suppose I decided I'd actually give her something to take offence from seeing as she was going to anyway..........

I just felt a bit miffed that she failed to mention to her fanclub, that I had called her every day at one point and sent her a card telling her to call me whenever she needed as I didn't know how much support she wanted - she said she wanted to forget him and move on. She also failed to mention I had just got engaged & had a baby - I actually felt that I may have been ramming my happy little life down her throat so was also wary of that. It hurt me really that she could think I was so mean. However I do now see that we actually aren't compatible as friends and never really were as I was always complaining about her.

I feel a sense of relief that we are no longer friends. And thats it!