To feel this behaviour is not appropriate

[Satsuma1]

When I went to collect DS (18 months) from nursery at lunchtime, the staff in the room were running about screaming (very loudly) because there was a wasp in the room. The children were all sitting at the table having their lunch, but you could see on their faces they were shocked and confused at the staff's behaviour.

I really feel that to act in this manner (even if you are scared of wasps) is inappropriate and not really a good example for the children. In my opinion the wasp should have been dispatched in a calm and quiet manner.

I am thinking of mentioning to the nursery manager. I don't want to cause trouble for any of the staff, but I do feel they should have some level of control in front of the children.

What do you think? AIBU to find their behaviour unacceptable and AIBU to speak to the nursery manager, or should I mention it to the staff directly?

[ApplesinmyPocket]

I'm the calmest most placid person you could meet (amid a family of shriekers and flappers) but I have a slight phobia of rodents, particularly dead ones.

Knowing how silly this is, when my father-in-law asked me to help him get rid of a dead mole in the garden, I was resolute and determined - for goodness sake, the thing's dead, I told myself.

I held an empty cereal box, calmly, in non-shaking fingers. I chatted about the weather, perfectly at ease, as I waited.

FIL shovelled up the poor old mole and let it slide into the box I was holding.

I felt the weight of the mole in the box and -

• I SCREAMED and SCREAMED and hurled the box as far away from me as I possibly could!

I didn't see my extreme reaction coming at all, it took me by surprise. That's what phobias are like, irrational and out of your control.

All the same I think a roomful of women screaming at a wasp are not all phobic and have 'allowed' hysteria to take hold. Obviously they should make every effort they can not to let children see their fear so no, YANBU to have a quiet word.

[smokinaces]

hambler I have no idea why I am so scared of them

why are some people scared of enclosed spaces? or heights? these things cant hurt you, yet people can have horrendous phobias of them

I would love hypnotherapy or something as I am so phobic, but at the moment its bottom of my priority list

[thumbwitch]

Well done LTTN!
I don't like dogs either, although not as bad as you, and am having to help DS befriend his DGM's dog, despite my own feelings.
Can't avoid the flapping around the wasps tho - we were mobbed by a gang of 3 of the stripey bastards one day a month or so ago, while eating ice cream on the way to the car. They kept going for DS (20mo) as the weakest of the group so I took the icecreams and ran away with them, while DH flapped at the wasps - they chased us into the car and across the carpark.

[LastTrainToNowhere]

YANBU and I'm glad the manager has taken it seriously.

I have a terrible phobia of dogs after a childhood incident and before having dd I'd cross the road at the mere sight of a dog. I wouldn't even visit friends who owned dogs, I was that paranoid. I was determined not to pass that phobia on to dd, so every time we see a dog I stay calm even though I'm screaming my head off inside. DD isn't at all scared of dogs, on the contrary she loves them. We often stop to pat dogs while on our walks (after asking the owners of course) and I have to stand by with a stiff grin while she coos over them. I'm proud of myself and no one is allowed to contradict me

[alwayslookingforanswers]

YANBU I doubt they were all phobic.

to those who say that anyone that behaves like that is a lunatic or asks "why are you afraid of wasps" - well just be glad you're not phobic.

No-one else in my family is scared of them, but I'm blood terrified, I've also done the leaving child standing perfectly still and calm and run a mile, and packing up picnics before we've started. I don't know where I "learned" it from - I just am.

It's totally involuntary. There's a HUGE difference between "hating" them (and therefore being able to deal with them - I hate spiders - but I can deal with them) and being phobic.

I'm not sure what the wages of someone has got to do with whether they have a phobia or not??

Hambler - I have been stung by a wasp once - many many years ago - but years after my phobia became apparent - yes it hurt and I thought "ok I've been stung - I'll be fine now" - but no - all that happened was my entire arm went red and became swollen and I'm just as phobic now as I was then.

[thumbwitch]

junglist1, I hardly think that you can compare directly someone's ability to deal with an emergency to their reaction when they see a wasp.
Lots of people, as shown by this thread, have flappy panics when they see one (self included) but it doesn't impair our abilities when wasps are NOT involved!
What a ridiculous extrapolation.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Oh damn, this may be where DS has got his wasp-panic from. Because last year he was remarkably unbothered, even when he got stung three times in an hour, poor little beast (he just said, 'Mummy, nasty fly!') - now he yelps miserably when he sees one.

ON the other hand, though, I do think nursery staff are dreadfully underpaid and, as is unfortunatley very common with underpaid people, far more is expected of them than is reasonable.

[Mumcentreplus]

I'm not afraid of any conventional bugs ..I can pick up or at least chuck out a spider..wasps don't phase me nor mice (once I picked one up to save it from certain death..lol)..only thing that makes me shudder is centipedes ..but i could still hold my water..my mum and sisters on the other hand are shriekin freaks when it comes to bugs of all kinds..sometimes people can't help their reactions..

[waitingforfanjo]

YANBU. I don't like wasps, bees, and creepy-crawlies in general, but I try not to make a fuss in front of three-year-old DS cos he does pick up on things.

If the kids see all the staff flapping in screaming, then that is quite frightening for them. More so than if it's just one having a flap.

My great-aunt once took me to hide under the stairs during a thunderstorm when I was very young. I remember it vividly, being very scared & thinking something terrible was going to happen, and that's why we had to hide. After that I had a phobia about thunderstorms for years. That hot summer of 1976 nearly gave me a mental breakdown at the age of 8!

[hambler]

why are you so afraid of wasps?
The worst that can happen is they sting you. I got stung last week.It was sore but not scream and flap your arms sore

[smokinaces]

I have a genuine phobia of wasps - I cannot under any circumstances be near one. There is no way I could be, even with 30 kids watching me. I have been known to leave my newborn child in a carseat on a picnic bench and run away as I am so scared, and to pack up picnics before we've even started eating.

My 3 year old is quite calm, tells me to stand still and they go away, but I cant. He then lovingly tells me they're in my hair or on my clothes to get me to freak again.

I agree this was over the top though - almost like 1 persons genuine phobia launched the others into a hysteria, which shouldnt have gone on. If that were me I would have left the room and got someone who could deal with it - there is no way I could have flapped or screamed around a wasp, I have to leave immediately.

so YANBU to mention it, and I'm glad the manager is dealing with it.

[Wonderstuff]

Good result

[Satsuma1]

Thanks for everyone's replies.

I spoke to the manager today and she agreed that I was right to be concerned and was very pleased I had brought it to her attention. She has taken it very seriously and has discussed it with the staff this afternoon.

The staff are excellent in every other way (they aren't teenagers btw, but all in their late 20's/30's) and I do genuinely think that it was an isolated incident.

[pippel]

apparently I'm a monkey

[oldspeckledtam]

I'm wasp phobic. I can't help it. I'm also a teacher and if a wasp comes in, I go out.

For this reason I am very glad my current classroom doesn't have opening windows... Touch wood, it's been 3 years since I was faced with one when I was at work.

I regularly scream and flap over my own children though. I'd love not to, but it's totally involuntary... I talk to them about it, though. I tell them that it's silly to be frightened and that they need to be like Daddy.

I do make sure everyone knows I'm wasp phobic.

That said, it's doubtful that every nursery member of staff is phobic. So YANBU. I'd mention it to the manager, I think.

[Wonderstuff]

YANBU. I hate wasps and bees and spiders but when I was teaching a class and a wasp flew in and the teenage girls got hysterical I scooped it up, removed it and told them not to be silly. Inside I was cacking myself but you have to be calm in front of kids.

[MissSunny]

Message withdrawn

[morningpaper]

My brother once kicked through a glass door trying to kick a wasp, when I was about 6 and he was 20

I still recognised that he was a big girlie wuss rather than facing an actual life-and-death situation

[TheCrackFox]

My dad is like this - but then he is allergic to wasp stings.

[morningpaper]

lol I used to have a male boss that was like this

I really wouldn't give a toss - they are young women liable to over-excitement

[junglist1]

Oh screech away then.
These young children were probably quite scared. They see 17 year olds as adults.
What if a real emergency happened then?

[bigchris]

By junglist1 on Tue 01-Sep-09 20:47:24 Ridiculous. If they can't be mature they shouldn't be left in charge of children. They are encouraging phobias FFS.

lol
that's me in the garden every time a wasp comes near
quick someone call social services, I'm not fit to be in charge of my kids

[superduperminder]

YANBU. That is a surefire way to make children terrified of wasps.
I have a bad spider phobia. However, as a childminder I make sure that if I see one whilst I am working, I'm all "oh a lovely spider, who wants a look" (whilst breaking out in a cold sweat and trying not to freak out!)

[MissSunny]

Message withdrawn

[junglist1]

Ridiculous. If they can't be mature they shouldn't be left in charge of children. They are encouraging phobias FFS.