To think that this is workplace discrimination?

[poshsinglemum]

Or am I just shite at my job. I suspect I am.

I got pregnant two months into a new job that had a lot of potential. It was shit timing for me and my employers. I felt really guilty telling them. They also knew that I was facing the pregnancy alone as my boyfriend was being an arsehole.

Before I told my employers that I was pregnant I was an emotional wreck and could not focus on work as my boyfriend was putting a lot of pressuer on me to get an abortion and I was really torn about what to do.

I was teaching btw and during this time I upset one of the students as I told him off. You have to understand that nowadays, syudents get very indignant at being told off as they ''know their rights.'' To be fair, my teaching was poor as I was a mess.

This said student started a hate site in on the internet about me. A few of my students wrote some very nasty comments about me including a violent comment about me. When they found out I was pregnant then one of the students threatened violence to my unborn child.

Of course this all came to light and I was devastated. My manager had a meeting with me and told me that they had to examine why this happened. He told me that I should not have told the students I was pregnant. (Hello- I had a bump and they guessed anyway.) He also told me that if my teaching was better then they wouldn't have written this stuff about me.I walked out of the meeting.

AIBU to think that he was being out of order. Even if I was the worst teacher on the planet it dosn't excuse students writing violent comments about me.
I feel that they disapproved of me being pregnant alone and wanted to deflect blame onto me ratrher than the students.

i feel like I left that job on a bad note and I am worried about references. Although after the way I've been treated mabe teaching isn't the best option for me.

I can admit that I was a crap teacher and that I didn't react to the revelation in an entirely professional manner but then I was pregnant, alone and scared. I am very upset about all this and am not sure how to come to terms with it.

[poshsinglemum]

I wasn't sacked.

I came to an agreement with the management and I decided to resign.

I wanted to resign anyway. It wasn't a supportive place for me.

[poshsinglemum]

I also did go to the police but I didn't press charges as I didn't want to inflame the situation even further than I had already.

[violethill]

There's no harm in acknowledging to a class that you are pregnant (indeed, if you have a bump it's pretty obvious anyway!)

However, allowing your personal life to affect your job negatively is a valid reason for your employer to be concerned. That's nothing to do with pregnancy per se - it applies to all of us. Teaching is a full-on, demanding job, and you admit yourself that your teaching was 'crap',you were an 'emotional wreck' and your teaching was sub standard. I've seen NQTs fail their first year for far less than that. I'm not excusing the behaviour of the kids at all, or the way the management responded (as it sounds as if they fell short here) but the bottom line is, you can't let your personal situation affect your job to that degree. If you were unable to work for health reasons, you should have got yourself signed off sick for a period of time. Teaching is hard enough anyway and the NQT year is notoriously challenging.

[oneopinionatedmother]

@dollyparting - is your mate my sister? that could be her

[honeydew]

hello posh,

I was a teacher for nearly 10 years.

I taught secondary and have worked in both one excellent school and one failing secondary modern.

2002. I was 31, Head of Dept and had only worked at the school for 6 months when got pregnant by the IT media arts technition! Well, he was 21! Oh yes, a big age gap there!

To say it caused some gossip is an understatement but everyone was very nice to me and I talked to my students about the baby and carried on teaching until my mat leave.

I am horrified that you have been threatened. Where is your line manager in all this? Have you seen the Head?

My Head was a complete arsehole and made a few rude comments about how my brilliant career was down the pan and that I had let the school down. I do agree with him in many respects but it happened and I had to deal with it.

But the Assistant Head, my line manager and staff were all supportive. You are an NQT and should get more support, not less.

The problem I think you have now is not just you job at the school but your future. You NEED to start focusing on what you are doing to do long term, if you don't mind me saying so.

Try to forget about the threats and the nastiness if you can and focus on what you are going to do once that baby is in your arms.

I as in a similar position to you- unmarried and living in a small rented flat with no real savings. The father thought did stick by me and suppported me but lived with his parents.

So I stayed on my own in the flat, had the baby then found that my wages although good did not cover full time childcare, rent, bills, food etc in London but I could not afford to move back home to the countryside either! My parents are divorced and far more interested in their lives and not mine so I had no family support either.

The school couldn't offer me my old job on a part-time basis because it was a full time post requiring a high level of commitment, but they did find me part-time elsewhere in the school. But it just did not cover my bills and with a new child to care for, I gave up and went on benefits.

I was still seeing the father,although not living with him and I adjusted to being a single mum on my own all day with a baby. It's bloody tough!

Well ,I got pregnant again 6 months later and so we moved in together and came off benefits To cut a long story short, the father got a good job up in the city, I had a third child and we have been married for 2 years.I am a full tiem mum and we have managed.

But in your case you say there is no father so I'm concerned for how you will cope as a single parent. I was not at all prepared for the responsibility of motherhood and I think you really should be focusing now on getting your life together, making plans for you and this child.

Forget about the childish threats of the students, this will all pass- kids are kids and although illegal, it will most likely come to nothing. GO back to your line manager and complain.

Do you have any family help? Once you are on mat leave, you will have more chance to focus on this baby and your future.

Are you planning on going back to work after you mat leave?

If not and you want to leave teaching what job will you do? I don't wish to sound all doom and gloom but becoming a mother changes the way employers view you , trust me. With no experience in a new field and a new baby , you will have to really convince them you are committed.

If you want to go back to work you are better off passing your NQT year and fighting for you career as a teacher. DON@T give up on something you are are qualified for! Not once you have kids!

I'm sorry to sound so patronising, I don't mean to be but you do sound naive and unaware of what struggles you will face as a single mother, without a good foundation career ( if you leave teaching) and how you will provide for you family.

Do you have any immediate future plan? I would recommend you stay at the school until you mat leave starts and sort out all these issues you have detailed.

In a year or two those students wil have left and the other bitchy teacher might have done as well. You know , teachers move around an awful lot so start focusing on YOU instead of THEM!

I had to ignore gossip, the odd looks, the bitching from staff member who were gobsmacked I'd got pregnant by someone 10 years younger with no proper plan made for my or my child's future.

But here I am married to the man, with three children in a good area and have a lovely home so I showed them and so must you. My daughter goes to the best school in the borough and that 21 year old now has a great career in the city. But you are going to have to be very tough to get what you want and worrying so much about what others think so much could cost you dearly.

It's time to be strong and get what you want for yourself that baby.

Have you actually resigned because it;s not a supportive environment? That';s what they want of course! To sweep you under the carpet.

My Head told me I was setting a bad example to the teenage girls by getting pregnant without being married and he was embarrassed to have me on the staff. So, I threatend him with legal action! He shut up after that and I made that school accommodate me while I was pregnant. They had to by law so why have you let them dominate you like this?

It is bullying and unforgivable when you are pregnant but you have to fight back.

Forgive me- but how old are you? As I said I was 31 when I found myself in your situation. Do you have family and friends to help you?

I am very concerned for you as you say the father is not in the picture and you have all but left teaching.

[more]

"Oh come on now- How can I not let a pregnancy affect my working life? There's a personal life and a pregnancy. I didn't tell the kids any of the details about dd's father buggering off but as a Miss I was clearly not married."

Pregnancy is not a get away for free card. My husband had to do this with us just having moved from abroad, us owing £10,000, two kids (4 and 2), me looking for work, living the first 2 months in emergency housing, then underneath a drunken woman who was waiting for her paedo husband to get out of jail that year, spending the next couple of months reporting her to the noise control team before she was finally evicted etc. etc. goodness I had forgotten how much nonsense was happening at that time.

Anyway he did it brilliantly, struggled a few times like anybody else, however he was determined to do it and do it as well as he could.

I really don't think it is wise for a teacher to bring their personal problems into the classroom. As you have learnt the hard it is of no benefit to you or the children. Plus the children are not mature enough to "deal with it". Quite a few of them (students) "blame" all adults for them having to be in school. You are their teacher, you are there to teach a subject, not to confide in them.

Please note that I do feel sorry for you having to do this alone. I am just trying, probably quite clumbsily, to explain that there is a time and place for an employee to deal with their problems, and that a teacher really, has to leave their personal problems outside the classroom.

[violethill]

Your post sums up exactly what I was getting at, more. Many people, men and women, have horrendously stressful situations to deal with - housing problems, family illness, debts etc. You simply can't bring all these into work with you.

Your DH sounds as though he coped marvellously more - glad things are easier for you now.

[honeydew]

BTW it took me 5 years to become a really good teacher- you make so many mistakes as you begin. Go back to if you can and try again.

But be very careful of confiding in your students, they are still children. Always, always be professional.

As extremely awkward as my situation was, I kept my cool as did my DH. Keep your options open. Perhaps primary teaching may suit you more.

Secondary is very tough and stressful. I personally would never go back now- those years were plenty, thank you! Combining it with having kids of you own is daunting because you never get away from s
children!

I do some private tuition, A level and GCSE exam marking and once the kids are all in school, I am hoping to teach at an adult education centre. Perhaps consider TEFL teaching at a local language school. There are other options in teaching.

Don't give up just because you have had a rough time at this school.

I wish you the best of luck and as you can see from my story, things mostly turn out for the best.

[londonone]

poshsinglemum - If you fail your NQT year you CANNOT ever work in state schools. So if you think that is going to happen then you are better off resigning.

[tethersend]

Just to say, this school sounds appalling, and for one reason or another, not for you. Don't base the career of teaching on the experience of one school- I have taught for many years, and found the experience totally different from one school to the next. Find your school. They will appreciate you, and you will make connections with the kids.
What the students wrote on the website was unforgivable, and when they eventually have children, their words will haunt them. It was not your fault. They didn't really know what they were saying. They should have been made accountable for it (by the school).

And finally, the school are not allowed to give you a bad reference, so don't worry. Move on.

And congratulations on your baby.

N.B. not sure which union you are with, but def follow prev poster's advice and go further- join the NUT, NASUWT are completely ineffectual IMO.

[londonone]

tethersend - schools are allowed to give you a bad reference! Don't know where you got the idea they can't.

[KembleTwins]

tethersend - NASUWT are far better than NUT IMO.

[tethersend]

londonone - sorry, should have been clearer: it is generally regarded as extremely bad practice to give a bad reference, and the request for a reference can be declined if necessary, although in my experience a good reference is almost always provided. There are no GTC guidelines for this, but the NUT makes it's position very clear- anything bad said in a reference MUST be supported by evidence; otherwise it is libel and therefore illegal. If the OP met her targets, it would be extremely difficult to cite anything bad to put in a reference- especially if the school had not given formal warnings/consequences of any malpractice.

In the event of failing the NQT year, it is possible to appeal to the GTC- the school must provide evidence of why you failed. Having said that, I think the appeals process is tough to navigate. Talk to the Union and the LEA NQT person if you are worried the school will fail you. It is the final assessment that really counts, and if you have the chance to complete the third term in another school, that is a good situation to be in, as any time you have spent on the NQT year is 'banked'. As long as you can prove you meet all the standards by the third term's assessment, you should pass your NQT year.

[londonone]

I see what you mean Tethersend. Of course they can't put anything unture but if you have continually failed to reach targets etc i would seem clear that this must be part of the reference etc

[KembleTwins]

I think Tethersend is right - I was taught that negative things must be left out of a reference, even if it then just reads along the lines of "X taught at Y School from date to date, teaching subject to year groups" It's easy for a new school to read between the lines though.

[tethersend]

KembleTwins - each to their own!

[KembleTwins]

Absolutely tethersend. My Dad was on Nat Exec for NAS though so I was able to get top notch advice whenever I needed it!

Posh - you say that you chose to resign. How much of your NQT year did you have left to complete? Are you thinking of applying to schools again?

[londonone]

Taught by who kembletwins? It seems to be one of those big myths in teaching.

[tethersend]

I think it's very unlikely that they would put continual failure to meet targets as part of a reference, as if called up on it, they would have to provide written evidence of each target, dates of assessment, and evidence of failure. Rather, they would do as KembleTwins states- and leave the school to draw their own conclusions.

[KembleTwins]

Taught by the head of dept I was working with before I became head of another dept. He was a very well respected and experienced teacher who had written numerous references over a number of years. Why do you care? Even when writing references for students it's good practice to dwell on any positives and leave negatives out of it. I believe it's very bad form to write a patently negative reference.

[londonone]

I care because if someone is terrible at their job then they should not get a good reference it is not fair on the new employer. As I said it is a common belief but most heads are perfectly clear that they are entitled to give a negative reference if it is warrented. Just because the NUT don't like something that doesn't make it law despite what they might try and have you believe. There are teachers who are woefully incompetent and giving them unduly positive references isn't helping anyone. References should be accurate.

[KembleTwins]

I think it's bad form whatever the job is. As far as I know, and not just in teaching, giving a negative reference is just not done - if a negative reference is the only type that can reasonably be given, the usual thing is to refuse to give one. As Tethersend said, giving a bad reference can, as a worst-case scenario, lead to accusations of libel.
I agree lying in a reference is wrong, hence the action outlined above. I totally disagree with you statement that "most heads are perfectly clear that they are entitled to give a negative reference". No. Definitely not. Bad form.

[tethersend]

I think the NUT is a little more influential on teaching/working practices than you think- them 'not liking something' has led to massive changes in teachers' working conditions over the years (PPA time is a good example). Please remember that 'someone being terrible at their job' can be a subjective point of view- I have seen terrible NQTs blossom into fantastic teachers, and some teachers are 'terrible' in one school and amazing in another. I am not suggesting for a minute that there are not incompetent teachers out there, but I think we should keep the posts relevant to the OP, and take into account some hugely mitigating factors that were present during her first year of teaching, and think about what kind of reference she is likely to receive, although I appreciate we don't know all the ins and outs of the situation.
A negative reference is rarely warranted.

[violethill]

Agree that it is bad form to dwell on negatives in a reference. As someone who has written numerous references over the years, if I had a request to be a referee for someone I did not feel comfortable to comment on, I would suggest they use someone else. When I have been in a position of having to write a reference for someone about whom I have professional misgivings, it is perfectly possible to write a factual reference which is not remotely libellous and which makes clear that the candidate is not up to scratch. What is left out is often as important as what is included.

Also, although sometimes I am asked to provide a fairly general reference, I'm finding that more frequently, reference requests are very specific, with targeted questions about particular skills, abilities etc, and usually a specific request for number of days absent over the previous couple of years etc

While I accept that in some cases, a trainee teacher can have a hard time in some schools yet flourish in another situation, it also has to be acknowledged that sometimes people don't make the grade. Why should we be afraid to say this? It's extremely unfair on the future employer, and more importantly, future pupils, to portray a candidate as better than they are.

[londonone]

I think tethersend that the NUT like to think that they are influential but in reality they are not.

Well said violethill.