AIBU to not go on my friend's hen night because of potential exposure to swine flu?

[kitsmummy]

Will try to keep this brief: My friend chose to go to Milan for her hen do which I (I'm a bridesmaid btw) and most of her friends couldn't afford to go on. Because of the poor turn out her friend has arranged a surprise hen do for this Friday. I was really pleased about this and have bought my 80's outfit in readiness for this Friday.

Now I've had a text saying my friend has swine flu and her clearance date is Tuesday, so she should be ok 3 days before the hen-do.

Now if this was all, I'd still go, but her future SIL (who sees my friend regularly) and her lodger will also be on the hen do. Her SIL's other half has had swine flu and obviously my friend's lodger lives with my friend so is exposed to it. I've looked at the NHS website and the incubation period is 2-5 days generally but could be up to 7 days, so they could both quite easily be carrying the virus without showing any symptoms yet.

I have a DS who is 5 and a DD who is 10 months. DD has also been really poorly this week with a virus. I'm 99% certain I'm not going to go now. I know that I, and/or my children could catch the virus from a stranger in the street, but I don't want to knowingly put myself in the situation of socialising with people who could very easily be carrying the virus, given I have children who are in the highest risk category. However, I do feel v guilty about my friend and feel that I'm now letting her down for a second time. Wwyd and AIBU to not go? thanks and sorry it wasn't brief!

[mumeeee]

I would go. You could catch swine flu from anyone by just goin about your normal business.

[PixiNanny]

Pootle - most people I've spoken too who have 'had' it have been the same, one or two symptoms being the main ones (usually appetite and fatigue, though one or two have had feverish sy,ptoms as well and diahroea which I cannot spell ) A lot of my friends have had it as they've been at PGL working, where it's gone around most of the sites by now and affected huge amounts of the staff members, they've mainly been complaining about boredom as they've been isolated to their bedrooms for 9 days

I know that some people are getting it terribly, but the majority aren't, it's the same as normal flu in that respect, some people get seriously ill and maybe even die from it, but the majority will be better able to fight it if it even is swine flu. It's not so much of a concern right now that you need to avoid going about your daily business and going out to have fun. You can get it whenever and whereever you are, so why worry about a single event when you're just as likely exposed to it popping to the shops?

As blondes said, you don't know for sure unless you have a blood test, and as they seem reluctant to do those unless you have severe symptoms so anyone could have it and people who have it may not even have it at all.

[wannaBe]

yabu.

It's entirely possible that she doesn't even have swine flu anyway, given that people arent being tested for it, and it is estimated that most people being "diagnosed" with it don't actually have the illness but a seasonal flu/heavy summer cold.

Fwiw I aledgedly had swine flu two weeks ago. That is to say I was diagnosed with swine flu, I did have something more than a cold so who knows, maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. But not one person I was in contact with before diagnosis or during my being ill got it.

And tbh even if it is swine flu, it's flu, not the black death.

[kitsmummy]

Update: 2 others are ill with it (including the lodger I was worried about!) and so it's cancelled [pleased but not wanting to appear smug or uncaring emoticon]

[kitsmummy]

Update: 2 others are ill with it (including the lodger I was worried about!) and so it's cancelled [pleased but not wanting to appear smug or uncaring emoticon]

[frasersmummy]

what are you going to do if someone at the wedding might be carrying it

are you going to let you friend down on her big day?

She made you bridsemaid because you are a big part of her life.. dont let the flu come between you

[jellybeans]

YANBU I would be the same, I have a baby too. There was swine flu at my kids school and I was nervous as there were still siblings of those off with swine flu attending. Surely they could be incubating? It's not worth it tbh as long as you go to the wedding, just say you are ill. You got to put your kids first at the end of the day. Like you say, you can't avoid everyone but can avoid some situations that you know about.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

"It's honestly not as bad as everyone makes it out to be, I had it a couple of weeks ago and though my apetite is still not 100%, I'm fine otherwise, and was barely even that ill, mainly sleepy/heachey, as if I'd pulled an all nighter on MN a few nights in a row"

some people had swine flu badly - my brother was seriously ill with it, in hospital and then had 3weeks off work - others say that they had it, but sure they didnt, ie its a cold, but doctors are worried so just say yes its swine flue and give tamiflu to all who say they have it

unless you have the blood test you cant 100% prove you did have swine flu and not a cold

but i regress

to op, i would go the the hen do

[Devongirl]

The wedding is in a month and there is going to be lots of people there I presume - what if you catch it there?

I am pregnant, but I think I would still go. You can't say for sure you'll catch it or not catch it but that's life isn't it.

[pootle09]

PixiNanny - it might not have been that bad for you, but clearly that's not the case for everyone is it.

To the OP, I would do some research and find out if people are contagious during the incubation period. If they're not then you're good to go, and if any of your friends are displaying symptoms then presumably they won't feel well enough to go.

[WesternBelle]

I would make excuses and say DD is still weak from her recent infection rather than say outright you want to avoid swine flu.

Your friend might well be miffed that you're not there but she'll get over it. As for Milan, that is besides the point. Just because she set the bar for an expensive hen do in Milan (I mean, recession? Hello? That's a bit cheeky even if there isn't a recession on IMO), doesn't obligate you to attend the cheaper hen do under all circumstances.

Do what you feel is right for you and DCs. Hen do's are not the be all and end all of a wedding.

[Bellsa]

I'd go-you are a bridesmaid, your friend will expect you to be there, and she will be upset if you're not. If you missed Milan (for a perfectly good reason) this will be doubly so, as you are one of the people the night is aimed at-ie people who couldn't go to Milan. Someone you're in contact with will either have it or get it soon, and you can't avoid everyone.

[PixiNanny]

It's honestly not as bad as everyone makes it out to be, I had it a couple of weeks ago and though my apetite is still not 100%, I'm fine otherwise, and was barely even that ill, mainly sleepy/heachey, as if I'd pulled an all nighter on MN a few nights in a row

Don't worry too much about it, go and enjoy yourself!

misspollysdolly: I see it as the next birdflu. They made a huge fuss out of that and look what happened; nothing. I know that things are more serious this time around however it's the same as normal flu, people are dying just as they would anyways. The stats that the media are giving out aren't even correct. Not many counties are even testing suspected cases anymore as it's no use to them, it's over before the suspected cases have been identified as positive or not. The media just like stirring things up and they do it well, we can't go into hiding because of something that might happen

[kitsmummy]

Not sure about date change, wedding is a month away, so getting a bit close, but will suggest it?

[kitsmummy]

Thank you both, and Westernbelle, that is exactly how I feel. The bride doesn't know about the hen do as it's a surprise but I'd certainly explain why I wasn't there and hope she'd understand, but not entirely sure she would understand (she didn't seem to understand about Milan

[tryingtobemarypoppins]

Out of interest, if OP WAS pregnant would you say to go??

[pamelat]

IF you and others are genuinely concerned could your friend change the date, considering that she is not out of the 7 day time?

[WesternBelle]

Er, YANBU!

I wouldn't go if I was you, nor would DH (have just checked).

Your responsibility is first and foremost to your DCs and your DD in particular is very young and vulnerable.

Yes you could catch it from someone on the street BUT that would be something unavoidable, whereas spending time with people who have been exposed to it IS avoidable.

If the bride is a good friend then she should understand. Put the other way round, I would hate to be responsible for any of my friends' DCs to get swine flu particularly a baby. I would actually ring them if I was the bride and let them know it would be totally understood if they didn't want to attend.

[imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy]

HEavens, i dont know - i wouldn't go - because im so crap at being ill that i wouldn't want to go if someone had a cold in case i caught it!

But you are the bridesmaid - i would think that is reason enough in itself for you to be cautious, you don't want to be catching swine flu and be banned from the wedding.

Tis a difficult one really. The advice is if you are asymptomatic to go on as usual.

[nickytwotimes]

Go.
It is uncontained now and you could potentially be exposed at any time, any place. Of course I would avoid someone WITH it, but not those who might be incubating it.
Take some hand sanitiser with you and keep your hands clean to relieve your worry. I do this all the time as I hate being ill and it has reduced the number of colds/bugs I get.

[Lilyloo]

Either sorry , not both can completely understand Milan.

[Lilyloo]

I would go as others have said you are very likely to be in the company of a carrier at some stage this year through general day to day buisness.
They may not have it anyway.
If i was your friend i would be very upset that you hadn't come to both my hen do's.

[pamelat]

Go.

I can imagine your indecision. My DD is 18 months. I don't care about me getting it but, despite knowing that its unlikely to become serious, I would be very very worried if DD got it.

However, it sounds most unlikely.

I got married 2 years ago and would have been very upset if my bridesmaids did not come out.

[kitsmummy]

No, you can see from my op that I'm well aware I could catch it from someone in the street etc and have no intention of shutting myself away from normal life, but for me the problem is KNOWINGLY socialising with potential (probable?) carriers. However I'm grateful for all your comments as I'm genuinely not sure if I'm BU, and it looks like maybe I am.

[misspollysdolly]

Apologies for the possible thread hijack but can sombody, anybody explain to me - in the light of Northern Lurker's recent statement "Swine flu is a mild and extremely common virus" - what all the swine flu fuss is all about...? Don't mean to be dim but I don't get whether it's all a big media/government fuss about nothing, or whether to be genuinely concerned....