to think that grandparents should give my children pocket money?

[SerendipitousHarlot]

I'm quite cross about this actually. We're going on holiday tomorrow, our first holiday in 4 years, and we're all really excited.

However.. my MIL has given both dc £10 each spending money for their holiday - she wanted to give £20 but we told her off...

But my parents haven't sent my dc anything! I would have thought that a fiver wouldn't have killed them! I can ALWAYS remember getting a bit of ice cream money from GPs for holidays, and I'm a bit pissed off.

I live 200 miles away from my parents - they see my dc about 3 times a year, and send them pocket money of a fiver each about twice a year.

AIBU? Or is this a bit tight?

[pranma]

Gosh I am the most indulgent grandma around and it would never occur to me to send money!I take pressies when I SEE THEM AND IF i AM WITH THEM i MIGHT GIVE MONEY BEFORE i LEAVE BUT ACTUALLY sorry caps lock got stuck[not shouting honest]I dont give money as presents at all for Christmas or birthdays it feels so wrong to me.I give them all the love I have,talk on the phone,send books regularly but money-never.

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

Sorry but I think YABU. My parents and in-laws have never done this and its never crossed my mind that they should.

[angrypixie]

Harlot, indeed you have, all power to you for your gracious acceptance of BU

[LadyGlencoraPalliser]

SH - it is a reasonable question, but the only person who can answer is your mother. You really do need to have this conversation with her.

[bubblagirl]

lol

[SerendipitousHarlot]

custardo - exactly. It's not the money, it's the gesture.

Should I start a mother-bashing thread to pass the afternoon until I go on holiday?

[SerendipitousHarlot]

no pixie, I really didn't, did I? Can't change it though... at least I've admitted IABU - with the tone/content of the OP at least

[SerendipitousHarlot]

Thanks kitty.

I'm not jealous and/or resentful of my sisters relationship with my mother - just her dc. I am happy to admit to that - but why shouldn't I be? My dc are lovely too y'know. And why does my mother favour them over mine? Reasonable question, dontcha think?

[angrypixie]

The OP did herself no favours with that opening post/thread title though.

[kittywise]

Yes I am guilty of not reading the thread properly , sorry.

[Tortington]

YANBU

your parents sound a litle thoughtless. and whilst we could all forget these kinds of things from time to time - i am sure this irks you becuase its not the only thing they forget. i know exactly how it feels to have children that are or the most part - ignored.

YANBU - becuase i think you mean -t he thought - the idy biddy little effort that would go into remembering that your are going onholiday and making a nice gesture.

screw 'em their loss

[bubblagirl]

yes i know was just pointing out for op that its moved on i think feeling a bit more sensitive now the real problem has been outed maybe do another thread op with real problems leading on from this thread so you dont sound so unreasonable

[LadyGlencoraPalliser]

Yes, I now realise it was AIBU by stealth. SH is obviously jealous and resentful of her sister's relationship with her parents, and she needs to address that.

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

See, this is one of the problems with not giving all the information in the OP - many people only read the op then comment on it.

[bubblagirl]

the thread has moved on from the money issue to real route of problem now

[LovelyTinOfSpam]

Yes it is bloody grasping to hope that GPs would be even handed with their treatment of their GCs. Quite natural that they should treat one set of children regularly and not the others, their money, their perogative. Only a loony would resent that.

[LadyGlencoraPalliser]

What?! YABU with knobs on. My children don't get money from their GPs nor do they expect it. Stop being so bloody grasping.

[SerendipitousHarlot]

kittywise, if you bothered to read the rest of the thread you would see that

a) I have explained myself and admitted that IABU, and

b) Have provided my dc with pocket money.

[kittywise]

What you want is your mother's attention, quite understandable, but don't bring your dc's into it.

[kittywise]

bloody hell I have NEVER EVER expected my parents PIL to give my dc's anything. YOU are their mother YOU give them pocket money.
Yes you are grasping, horrible.

[LovelyTinOfSpam]

Another thread with people playing favourites etc.

Always find it odd when people show preferences for eg one child over another or one GC over another.

Our family very even handed so guess am lucky.

FWIW booyhoo I would be gutted if either my parents or in laws made it clear they didn't like my DD and i would not be inclined to seek to see them if that was the case. it's just mean poor little kiddies haven't done anything wrong.

[bubblagirl]

i do feel for you my dp parents live close by 40 min drive and always say if you lived closer we'd look after him but its too far to come and baby sit for one night so all responsibility falls on my parents who don't mind at all but it still makes you cross

my dp mum lives 6 hrs away and we know she would make that short journey if she lived nearer and when we stay there she always wants to watch ds for the night

i think maybe its time to try and make things happen a bit more offer for them to stay maybe have some food and some quality time and talk about how much you would like them to spend more quality time with gc and yourself

i know its easy to resent when they appear to do more for others but it may not be as it seems to you iyswim they may think you cope better for eg that you dont need extra help maybe they feel you sis needs that help

who knows but it may not be a favoritism thing you wont know unless you have that chat

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

ok, based on your op - totally unreasonable and cheeky! however, your post about how they treat their other grandchildren gives it a different slant, because it does hurt when your children are being treated less favourably. Yes, it's their money (and time and effort) yes it's their choice, but it is not at all unreasonable to feel hurt on behalf of your children when you see them making an effort for your siblings kids that they don't make for yours.

And I disagree that it's ok for grandparents to have favourites - by that I mean clearly show everyone that they have favourites! - because it hurts the kids who feel less loved and it hurts the parent of the less loved child(ren). Not nice at all. Very cruel.

[booyhoo]

just because they give other gc money doesnt automatically entitle your dc to it aswell. its up to gp who they give their money too and aslong as they arent mistreating your dc then they havent done anything wrong, perhaps they just dont feel your dc need it.

btw, grandparents dont have to like all their grandchildren the same, they get to have favourites. theyve done the equality thing when they raised their own children. just my opinion btw.

[SerendipitousHarlot]

bubbla, you're right. These issues go waaaay back, and I really should say something, but we're not that kind of family - everything's all repressed and unsaid

I ask them regularly to come and visit, but they still only come about 2-3 times a year, and then only for a few hours. My mum is retired now, so it's not like she has to arrange around work and stuff.

It just pisses me off. From the time my dd was born until we moved here when she was 6, my mum only had her to stay overnight twice. But she has had my nephew every other weekend for 14 years! So there is other stuff bubbling away in the background.

I feel a bit ashamed that it's come across like I want money, but that's not it, it's just the catalyst for how I feel in general really.