to be angry with my 4yo dd for keeping me up half the night ?

[noonar]

a bit of background...its been a really shit week. for many reasons:

1. my FIL had open heart surgery yesterday and we still don't really know how he's doing.
2. self employed dh has decided he can no longer afford to draw a salary from his company so we are in financial difficulties.
3. we had to cancel our skiing holiday- balance due on friday.
4. am feeling low and am trying to salavage something from a rather shitty half term week, so decided to take the dds-4 and 6- to london to the natural history museum. we were going to go today as soon as we hear how fil is doing (he's too poorly for visits)

but...dd decided to make things even harder for us. as well as being v attention seeking and calling out for an hour at bed timelast night, she kept us up for a good hour plus during the night having a tantrum. i couldnt get back to sleep, so now feel even more shit and have decided we are not going to london.

i feel really cross with dd2 for adding to our stress and am really resentful that she has spoiled our day.

i know that its not her fault that its been such a dreadful week, but AIBU to expect a 4yo understand the consqeuences
of keeping us all up half the night??

[LaSpooky]

I agree with morningpaper's post but it is very, very difficult when you are at the end of your wick.

My mother recently died very suddenly and I got a horrible vomiting bug just after the funeral. Poor DD has been terribly disrupted I know and her sleep has gone bananas. Even though I know why she's sleeping badly I do find it hard to cope with her. So, sympathy. I do have a fixed smile on my face for her and I have lost my temper on occasion.

I hope FIL is doing well.

[Boobalina]

I think you might be being a bit hard on DD... sounds like you are all under so much stress and DD is aware and trying to steal a bit of the lime light too. But she is only 4 years old, and if she did this on a night when you didnt have all the major life worries would you be quite so cross?

When we get stressed sometimes its easy to find the things our kids too more annoying / on purpose etc adn they become a scape goat for our emotions.

Take her to the Nat Hist museum, have a really super day. Tell her she had naughty behaviour and you will not stand for it again tonight and then jsut move on.

Have a nice day away from all the stresses of life at the moment.

x

[liahGeneMutatedMonster]

filz. We are in kent too. Bloody crossing is the bane of my life when we go anywhere.

needmorecoffee. Your dd sounds quite hard work. Has she sn?

[needmorecoffee]

don't go anywhere at half term. Lukcily teen boys play computer al day (actualy, think my electrcity goes up!)
The happy pills are to keep me sane cos dd hasn't slept for 4 years and is unlikely ever to sleep.
Whe she is older we'lll get a couple of nights respite a year but she's too little for me to trust any stranger (am over protective mummy)

[Madsometimes]

I think you should go out and make the best of it. The children are almost certainly picking up on the stress of your situation. It is half term and your children probably need a holiday. The weather has just turned cold, the clocks have gone back which always buggers up children's sleep and they probably all have runny noses and viruses which disturb sleep.

Has your 4 year old just started in reception? This could be another reason for disturbed sleep and tantrums. Then on top of all that you have your other worries. Go and have a lovely day

[filz]

no, expenditure on food is one of my concerns aswell. Its the same if they come here as they expect to be taken out and they treat it like a holiday!

I met my parents half way this weekend, just for the day and it was alot easier....still spent too much money though! Plus it seems to takew forever to get out of kent. The majority of the journey was spent at the dartford crossing.........

[noonar]

thanks, miss.

i really am going now. have been invited to a teaparty with the dollies and i need to eat xxxx

[liahGeneMutatedMonster]

my rellies up north, fuel comes in at £90 a visit, and that's if i dont drive about while i'm there.

£25 on a weeks treat is reasonable imo.

[compo]

filz- it's a nightmare isn't it? and then when we get there whoever we stay with often suggests a takeaway and it's never taken into account that we've just forked out for the trip. Although I guess they would say they put us up so we should be grateful, but I Like a good old whinge.

[noonar]

compo, its cos i mentioned that dh is not drawing a wage. it is a fair bit, but not compared to the £2700 we owed for the skiing

[misselizabethbennet]

It doesn't sound as if there's any bad behaviour here - half an hour to settle a four year old at night isn't that unusual. Obviously I don't know what the 'tantrum' was about, but if it's a one-off it should be easy to overlook. My DS has woken in the night on two or three occasions (very rare) and has cried hysterically and thrashed about for about an hour. I think he was just so confused and tired and in a semi-dream state. This would have been about the age or 4 or 5.

You're obviously having a horrible stressful time, so you're not BU to be pissed off and unhappy. But angry with your 4 year old? Yes, YABU.

If you're all too tired to go out today, why not make a 'cinema at home'. Draw the curtains, put a film on, make a few treats and doze on the sofa while they watch TV.

[noonar]

compo, you have expalined...just sen your recent post.

MP, thanks. lots of sense in your post. she wanted to get in our bed...

[filz]

if iits uop to you what you spend your money on noonar and if you feel £25 is okay for your one treat than thats fine. as your only treat its not that bad is it?

compo, I know the feeling regards fuel to visit rellies. it seems our biggest expense

[compo]

I think £25 is fine to spend for one treat over half term and I am envious you are managing the week so cheaply. I know nothing of your circumstances so am confused why people are telling you it is too much to spend for one treat for a whol week!!

[noonar]

compo, sorry, are you saying you dont think it is? am being dim!

[compo]

gah, I meant £25

[morningpaper]

YABU - parenting is not a part-time job unfortunately

I have a 6 and 3 year old who are up every 2 hours at night still for various reasons - everything from sleep-walking to fecking asthsma

Getting angry is a useless response

During times of stress (which she is going through as well as you) YOU find it hard to sleep, YOU wake up at 3am in a blind terror and panic - it is even WORSE when you are 4 and lack the emotional capacity to deal with and rationalise your emotions. She still needs you to reassure her in the night. Don't punish her for needing you, you're her mummy.

The fact that she seeks you out when she is distressed is a LOVELY and GOOD thing and shows that you are a GOOD MUMMY who she trusts and loves. Keep it up.

[compo]

crumbs our half term has already come in at £100 and that was petrol over the weekend driving to see the folks. I think £5 for a whole week is fab

[noonar]

am going to go and eat breakfast and try to do something to put today right. have been vile to dd2 and told her its her fault we're not going . dd1- 6.5 has been so sweet, cuddling up to me and trying to cheer me up. i dont deserve them.

someone pointed out that its not dd2's fault that i couldnt get back to sleep...i often find that if i'm fully awake dealing with illness or a tantrum, that i cant sleep for a couple of hours.i'm just too alert.

[compo]

£25 is a lot for one treat over half term?!

[noonar]

um £25 is a fair bit,i guess, but as i said, it was going to be our one treat.

[liahGeneMutatedMonster]

noo. I hate disturbed sleep. I truly do not know how i do it, and still speak to my kids the next day.

Actually i do know, I remind myself at regular intervals, They are only children, (even my bloody annoying 11 yr old). They will not be children for ever, and i am bloody lucky to have them,
(which is why we are ttc #6)

One of my best friends lost her ds agen 3 couple years ago, and my niece her daughter last year so hold them very tightly most of the time.

(sorry depressing ) However it does us good to remind ourselves sometimes, they are only little, they don't have the same control over their emotions that we do.

I feel for you, you are not a light weight, we are all different.

[baffledandupset]

YABU

But you know that anyway. Children have their own agendas which are nothing to do with ours. It's very easy to forget that they see the world so differently.

Sorry you're having such a hard time.

Hope your FIL is OK.

[filz]

i think £25 is alot too. is there nowhjere local thats free?

[noonar]

needmore, to help you sleep through it or keep you sane??

thanks custtardo.

blimey, liah. thats tough. i'm a light weight.