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AIBU?

to have felt helpless to intervene in this awful situation today?

44 replies

FleurLeChaunte · 11/10/2008 19:32

Walking back from shopping with my dc. I saw a mother shouting at her child. She had a few kids and a few mates with her. The child was about 6 or 7 and her Mother was telling her to "fcking get here". The child was clearly terrified. The Mother saw me looking and screamed at her child "Don't make me take my fcking belt off here in the street and smack you down and anyone else that wants to say anything as well", she was extremely angry and aggressive. Not sure it was aimed at me. There was a lot of people about but I had been obviously looking. I was in shock a bit I think.

I had my children with me and just could not think what to do. I will admit that I was scared that she would attack me in front of my dc. So I walked on and said nothing. I basically left that child to it. My exh said I should have called the police but I cant really see what they could have done tbh. It is a really busy street and she would have been long gone. Cant stop thinking about that little girl.

OP posts:

Report

TskullsScreaming · 12/10/2008 11:37

I honestly can't think of what could have done.

If you were shoppping though the chances are it's on cctv so possibly could be followed up if you choose to raise the issue.

God aren't some people awful? I don't care how stressed someone is (and I do know shopping with children can be hellish), that is unforgivable.

itgetseasier · 12/10/2008 11:17

Poor kid. There was not a lot you could do TBH.Poor you too.

izyboy · 11/10/2008 21:36

Yep but Freaky that sounds very different IMHO

FreakyLadyFrightALot · 11/10/2008 21:11

well...no, the belt is not a concept here...but a smacked bottom may well be suggested...
at my worst i GOT TO THE POINT WHRERE I said to ms that if he doesn't stop I will call social services myself, and that they can have him....not proud of that, but was just at the end of my tether, and tbh, once I got to the car I just cried....as he had spoiled what was meant to be a treat for all of them by behaving that badly that I felt evne being in Maccy D was inappropriate, he behaved that bad....sigh....

it was , at the time just another bad turn out of the vents...he had been naughty for a while and nothing seemed to work...had several notes home from teacher, etc...and tbh, never had that with es nor with ys now...but ms is differently wired.,...

izyboy · 11/10/2008 21:01

Titty report it.

izyboy · 11/10/2008 21:01

Fabio it is so upsetting.

Tittybangbang · 11/10/2008 21:00

The same thing happened to me this afternoon and I didn't do anything.

It was a family with 4 small and very lively girls. While they were at the checkout the dad lost it with one of the girls, who can't have been more than 4. He shouted at her so aggressively that I felt terrified. He ran at her, shaking his fist and swearing. Everyone near them went quiet and still with shock, but nobody said anything.

I went home thinking - if he behaves like that to her in public, what on earth is he doing to those girls at home....

edam · 11/10/2008 21:00

Freaky, I bet even on a bad day you wouldn't dream of threatening your child with a belt in public and any adult who dared to object?

The woman sounds like a violent, cowardly bully. Poor kid.

WeLoveFabio · 11/10/2008 20:58

But Freakylady surely you wouldn't swear at them and threaten them with a belt in public?

izyboy · 11/10/2008 20:57

Elasticwoman nice sentiment probably a similar outcome in that you would be told to naff off.

Well Freaky, if I shouted at you in the street threatening to beat you with a belt I would expect to be reported (dont worry I wont!). Ditto if I shouted similar to my kids.

WeLoveFabio · 11/10/2008 20:57

Oh I really feel for you

A few months ago me and the kids were walking along a main road with my mother, and wqe bumped into this couple who were having a blazing, shouting row in the street, with a little two year old (or maybe younger) in a buggy that they kept taking turns pushing around and crossing the road, walking away from each other and chasing and so on - all the time fighting.
They were clearly very disturbed people or on something, perhaps, the man seemed saner than the woman who obv had some mental health issues (I mean it really was obvious, she wasn't well)
At one point they came right past us and I said to the man (who had the buggy at this point, and was calling the woman) 'Shall I have him for a bit till you sort yourselves out?' (in a nice way) and he said 'Nah it's Ok' and carried on.
We stood and watched quite openly, then crossed the road as we didn't know what else to do but to go home.
luckily at that moment, a police car came along and stopped by the junction and I just marched up to the window and told them what was happening down the road - they actually drove off and about 10 minutes later, we went past them in the car and they have stopped and were questioning the man and woman. I was like, 'Yess!' as I think once the police are involved then it's protocol to call SS. (I hope anyway)

That poor little child just looked tearful and had scratches on his face and I longed to kind of save him from the chaos.
I don't know if anything was done but i bloody hope so. I was impressed that the police actually did something as I assumed they'd ignore me or not be able to find the people.

I hope there is some footage of the situation you witnessed, sadly there are some incredibly damaged people around with children. if you are a willing witness and they have camera evidence maybe they can do somthing.
Don't feel bad - most of us would have been scared too and there's not a lot you could have done tbh. xx

FreakyLadyFrightALot · 11/10/2008 20:52

Hm...in two minds here...because it might just be what you are seeing in this situation....my Kids, at times, don't listenvery well, and especially on road sides I may well come across as aggressive by shouting at them (AFTER running off) come here now, or....
because I don't want them to run off or, worse run onto the roads without looking....
and some days, when the Kids have been really horrific in playing up i town, to be honest I am ready for SS to step in and take them away....but I do love my Kids, I do want to be a lovely perfect mu, and I try every day to be a better mum...but sone days it wrks better then others...
and my Kids can pretent to be the terrified lot...they know me well enough to know that I lve them, I tell them everyday, I apologise if I was wrong , I cuddle them lots and lots....but they still try to show me up and if they think it can get them sympathy they will try to get that by looking afrais....

however, of course there are children that are in need of help....so, difficult to know...do people in the area know this mum, what do they think?

Elasticwoman · 11/10/2008 20:47

Fleur I would probably have done the same as you, but I'd like to imagine that I would have spoken to the woman, saying something that indicated i could see she was struggling and was there anything I could do to help?

izyboy · 11/10/2008 20:33

Fleur I think it will help to put your mind to rest.

FleurLeChaunte · 11/10/2008 20:23

Brilliant idea about the CCTV. Am going to call them.

SqueakyPop I like to think I would have done something if I hadnt been with my kids. At least I could have put up some sort of a fight if she went for me.

I feel worse because my Mum used to physically abuse me and my sister and I always prayed someone would step in but no one ever did.

OP posts:

SqueakyPop · 11/10/2008 20:19

Fleur,

I would like to think that I would have marched up to the woman and asked if there were a problem, but perhaps (more likely) I would have done exactly as you have done.

Don't stress. Think about it, and perhaps be energised that you would do something in the future. You may have even influenced Mumsnetters to step in too.

(I say this in total sincerity, and without a trace of sarcasm).

SqueakyPop · 11/10/2008 20:19

Fleur,

I would like to think that I would have marched up to the woman and asked if there were a problem, but perhaps (more likely) I would have done exactly as you have done.

Don't stress. Think about it, and perhaps be energised that you would do something in the future. You may have even influenced Mumsnetters to step in too.

(I say this in total sincerity, and without a trace of sarcasm).

mawbroon · 11/10/2008 20:17

Would it have been a street with CCTV?

Maybe worth telling the police just in case there is CCTV.

I have often thought about things that I maybe should have reported (not ever stuff like this though) and have thought I would be wasting police time, until I met a detective who said that these things could be part of a bigger picture and it is better for the police to have non relevant stuff than not to have enough info. IYSWIM

izyboy · 11/10/2008 20:13

I wonder if it may be still appropriate to give a description to the police it may match similar incidents on record IYSWIM.

Ronaldinhio · 11/10/2008 20:11

bloody hell how awful...there was nothing you could have done without large and lurking backup.
I'd have called the police as a verbal threat that puts you in fear is actually assault and that might have saved the matter buut might have made it worse...dunno.

izyboy · 11/10/2008 20:11

Sorry Fleur you are the OP oops. Look its ok, hindsight is a fine thing.

FleurLeChaunte · 11/10/2008 20:10

Very true SqueakyPop, thats why I feel so crappy. Out of interest what would you have done?

OP posts:

izyboy · 11/10/2008 20:09

True Fleur. Not wishing to make the OP feel awful, but, because it happened in a public place the behaviour must seem validated to the victim. Noone even raised a concern.

FleurLeChaunte · 11/10/2008 20:08

You are right izyboy I should have walked further away and then told her that I was calling the police, that would have been the best and most effective thing to do I think.

OP posts:

SqueakyPop · 11/10/2008 20:08

'All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing'

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