to feel broken and in pieces because I'm not going to see the children of my now ex-boyfriend anymore?

[Chandra]

That's it, we talked yesterday, we hug each other, agree it was for the best (I'm not that convinced anymore...), I wish him a wonderful life so he did, we joked, we agreed that we will continue to be friends when the pain of the break up eases a bit.

Then he said "oh god, hos is DS 1 going to take it???" and that reduced me to pieces, been crying like a baby most of last night, and this morning at seeing their toys, I'm going to miss them so much!

I'm no longer sure this is for the better, but I'm afriad I have scared exb away of any possible reconciliation at seeing me this upset. I have prepared my mind for breaking up with him but this with the boys is simply too much

[Chandra]

Skyatnight... I'm careful with DS, he met his children at the same outing where I met their father.

Good for you to be careful, however don't forget that life is made out of risks. I took a risk by loving this man and his children, and now it is being incredibly painful. HOwever... . I supose that joy and pain are part of a relationship package, I took the joy, now I'm trying to deal with the pain. But there was so much happiness at being all together, I have not yet regreted taking this chance.

[skyatnight]

Don't have any advice but commiserations. It is a difficult situation. My brother was in a relationship (admittedly a bit long-distance but they went on holidays etc., together) for a long time with a woman who had a son. They split up and he cut the relationship with the son at the same point. I asked him whether he could not have still seen the son but he said it was for the best and maybe she would not have allowed it anyway. I just feel sorry, perhaps wrongly (?), for the boy. He has his mum as the constant in his life but it can't be nice to get attached to her friends and for them then to disappear. I am a single mum myself with a dd but haven't had any boyfriends yet since the split. It is something I will be very careful about (dd's feelings) if I do ever get into a relationship again.

[Chandra]

bump

[Chandra]

I don't think that our problems are impossible to sort out, but the problem seems to arise from the fact that we have had our bad times (read divorce here) and after a realtively bad month when we have had a few arguments he has decided that it is best to finish now rather than wait until it could hurt more. I agreed with that but now, after a very sad night I have started to wonder about it, it could get far worse but it could also get better... however, he really had a bad time in the past so I understand why he is less willing to take the risk.

As for the children... DS adores them, and me too, I have had such a good time with them all. I think they were happy too, last week they were playing with paper airplanes sending messages to each other and one landed at my feet saying " DB,Chandra'sDS, Chandra, DAddy. I love you" I'm in pieces... and I'm unreasonable because I have not been in their life for much time but I have got very attached to them.

I have asked to have them over for a sleep over which exb agreed it was a good idea, I think they will be fine, but I'm sad that they are not going to continue being such an important and regular part of our life.

[overthemill]

talk to him. you are bound to be upset, it is still raw. if you are simply scared then dont reconcile. but you should still see teh kids - you are part of their lives too and its not their fault

[mayorquimby]

if i was you i wouldn't be looking for a reconcilliation.
as you said before,you were ready to break up with your now ex.there must have been valid reasons. he sounds like a pretty good guy, seeing as you want to remain friends with him post break-up, and i think getting with him because you can't bear to miss his kids would not be fair on either of you.
unfortunately the best you can hope for is to talk to him and that he'll be understanding and the two of you can try together to put the break up behind you quicker so that you could still have some relationship with his kids,although obviously a more distant one than before.

[lucyellensmum1]

Oh how sad for you. How long have you been in the LOs lives? It would be bad for them to have you just be not there anymore. If your ex is as understanding as you both seem to be from your OP then talk to him. Of course it is complicated and a clean break is often easiest, but when children are involved then easy isn't always right. How old are the boys?

[tigger32]

I don't really have any advice for you but really do feel for you, you must really be hurting.
Is there no way of you sorting things out or is it definitely over?

Is there anyway you could sort something out re the los, maybe take them every now and then?

I hope you can talk to exbf and come to some decisions that you all all happy with.
good luck

[noonki]

Poor you

how long have you been together and know the kids?