To think a five year old should not be left to play outside...

[yerblurt]

daughter 5 1/2 yr old (although looks a lot older, she is in 7/8 yr old clothes and is 122cm tall)

daughter is with ex partner atm for a couple of weeks during summer school holidays.

anyway I phoned ex for the normal "night night" phone call at 6pm and ex answered, sounded a bit disinterested and distant, said "oh, she's outside playing in the street with some kids, I'll just see if I can get her"

... naturally I was shocked as ex lives in a pretty rough innercity area.

I asked concerned "who is she playing with? Who's looking after her? Are you supervising her". Ex said they would search outside and get daughter... at this point I was feeling quite worried actually.

Eventually daughter came on the phone, said she had been playing outside with a couple of other children (one name i recognise from school), said they were playing in the street, then said they were playing in the street area infront of the house. I asked if an adult was with them and she said that XXX's mum was there (but couldn't work out if she was watching through the window/in the general area/within earshot etc)

... am I wrong or over-reacting that ex didn't seem to know or be keeping an eye on daughter when she is in ex's care? At 5 years old I'm really really NOT happy about this. Especially in the area ex lives in , it's well rough, it's back-to-back terrace housing with cars regularly racing down the street, kids running out, there is also a history of knife and gun crime in the area.

I mean ffs a 5 1/2 year old???

[Hulababy]

Oh, and our cul de sac doesn't have pavements either - so it is a drive way or a road, and that is it.

[mamadiva]

I come from a pretty rough place near Glasgow, which I moved away from as soon as I found out I was pregnant, and it wasn't uncommon there to see 3YO possibly younger playing in a long narrow street and I used to hate seeing them. YANBU. Where we live now my 2YO DS plays out in our front garden and I wont go upstairs if he's out because you don't know who can reach over these days do you? Anyway my DS on't be playing out unsupervised until he is atleast 8 I reckon even though the area we are in now is lovely and quiet.

[macdoodle]

Hula are you aware that you come across a leetle patronising - some of us don't have gardens (and all they need in the gardens)...some of us are single parents with a second DD who is a baby and needs actual looking after, some of us have very bright capable confident 6 year olds ...I would at a guess say that all of us do what we feel is best for our children....
If you are happy to wrap your child up then that is your choice but don't look down your nose at those of us that don't - I wish I had the luxury of a stroll to the park and a read of a magazine ...but I work look after kids and there are no parks we could walk or bike to.....

[OrmIrian]

Depends on so many things.

My 5yr old DS#2 was outside until 8pm last night playing with DD and 3 other friends. I wasn't watching all the time but was keeping an eye. We live in a 'rough area' according to many people but in reality it's full of very considerate, generous people. Admittedly it's a cul-dep-sac so cars not an issue.

[rebelmum1]

I'd be nervous about cars

[bozza]

I have started letting 7yo DS play out unsupervised but not 4yo DD. We live on a very quiet cul-de-sac in a village but like hula it is cars that are my main worry.

[bozza]

I am slightly trying to loose the apron strings with DD but still feel she is very young.

[bubblagirl]

we were always able to do it i know the world is different but as longa s the rules are the same you should have no worries

if in front of house playing its tough as both sets of parents have different levels of parenting the let them be and the need to protect at all times

as long as she is safe and he is keeping an eye or another parent is then dont see it as a problem and if at home your not comfortable then dont allow it

but each parent will have a different level of trust and im afraid while she is there its his rules of parenting and as long as she comes to no harm then his doing ok

[sugarpeas]

mama - does your front garden have a fence/gate?

hula - if your cul-de-sac doesn't have a pavement i can see why you don't let dd play out there. front garden wouldn't be an issue for me but if none of the other children are out there then there isn't really a need.

[ReallyTired]

I think that playing out allows children to form social relationships in way that being in the back garden and Mum watching doesn't.

I think a lot depends on the area and level of traffic. I like my son going to the adventure playground because it supervised by people employed by the council.

Children sometimes need freedom from their parents to develop, take the odd risk and learn to make friends.

[barnsleybelle]

Depends on the street/area i suppose.

My son plays out ALL the time when we are home. It's a cul de sac so no cars and is not classed as a rough area.

There are about 4 of them from the same school and they have a ball. I keep checking from the window but don't watch.

He comes in every night black from head to toe! They have made dens, mud pies, chased ants etc etc.... Better than sitting in the house or playing in the back on his own..

Think a lot of parents are over cautious these days and playing out with mates is what being this age is all about.

[barnsleybelle]

Can i just say.... Totally well put macdoodle... Bang on and well said.

[Hulababy]

sugarpeas - also no enclosed front garnde, and no lawn, etc. - Just drive way, a small path to door and then shrubbery to side.

[Hulababy]

macdoodle - with respect, I think the same critism could also be applied don't you think. I also have a bright confident six year old, and actuaally no - she isn't completely wrapped up. But yes, I do what I feel is best for my child, as many of us do. I am confident that my bright and confident 6 year old does not need to play unsupervised outside the garden. If others wish to allow therir children too fair enough. But I am allowed my thoughts on whether it is something I would do or not. As said before round here it is not common to see children of this age out on their own. And despite growing up in a very different environment, some 30 years ago, I was also not allowed to play outside the graden unsupervised either. I still grew up to be relatively bright and confident too.

[macdoodle]

Hula I thought I was clear that of course everyone is entitled to do what they feel is right for their DC...
What I found objectionable/patronising was IMO your attitude that we all have gardens which are suitable for playing in, a local park in walkable distance, and the time and luxury to walk there and read a magazine (I wish )...

[MrsMattie]

I wouldn't be happy if my 5 yr old was playing in the street and the adult responsible for her (ie. her father) didn't know exactly where she was at all times. Rough area or not. I'll be quite blunt about it - I think it's totally unacceptable.

[cupsoftea]

yanbu - I would have a 5yr old playing outside in the street & not know where they were.

[Rhubarb]

DON'T BE SO SILLY!

Our front garden is across the road from our house. We let dd (8) and ds(4.5) play in there happily and they can also go round the corner and play in the school playground out of sight.

I wouldn't let ds play outside by himself, given his age, but if there are others with him then I'll happily let him wander off. So long as I know where he is it's fine. In fact it's more than fine, it's healthy. Stop worrying and learn to let go, your children need the freedom, they only get streetwise by having that freedom, if you suffocate them you put them more at risk.

[cupsoftea]

Ahhh!! - I meant I wouldn't have a 5yr old play in the street on there own.

Not all kids can play on their streets and it doesn't harm their development.

[mamadiva]

sugarpeas - yes my garden is enclosed but the fence is only about 3.5ft high and my DS went missing for 20 minutes one day when DP went upstairs to the toilet so am paranoid about it now.

[MrsMattie]

I cannot for the life of me see how letting a 5 yr old play in the street unsupervised is 'good for nurturing independence', sorry!

Giving children small, incremental steps of responsiblity / freedom = yes.

Letting very young children play completely unsupervised and 'not being sure where they are' (as in the case of the OP's husband = barmy.

But each to their own.

[Heifer]

My DD is now 4.5 and I certainly don't see me even contemplating letting her out on her own to play in the next 6 months, so YANBU.... imo.

She plays in the back garden on her own, but I won't let her play out the front unless I am stood watching her (which I don't want to)..

I guess if she was with a load of sensible older children in a nice safe cul de sac than I may let her out in a year or two but not before.

[nappyaddict]

our garden isn't enclosed and is also only a drive and some gravel but if ds wanted to play out there on his ride on car or whatever i would probably do so in 12 months if he had road sense and knew not to go in the road. at the moment he has no road sense and if he is the same in 12 months time then no i won't be letting him play in the front garden on his own.

[lowrib]

Might find this article "A right to play" from New Scientist interesting ...

www.newscientist.com/article/mg16322025.800-a-right-to-play.html

It was written nearly 10 years ago, and says

"In Britain, unfortunately, parents have ... become not so much wary about letting their children go out unsupervised as plain terrified.

In the early 1970s, 80 per cent of seven-to-eight year olds were allowed to travel to school on their own or with other children. By 1990, only 9 per cent did. And in 1995, a survey by Barnado's found only 30 per cent of children over 9 years old walked to school on their own. Over that twenty-year period, the proportion of children described by the parents as "outdoor children" fell from 60 per cent to 23 per cent."