To think a five year old should not be left to play outside...

[yerblurt]

daughter 5 1/2 yr old (although looks a lot older, she is in 7/8 yr old clothes and is 122cm tall)

daughter is with ex partner atm for a couple of weeks during summer school holidays.

anyway I phoned ex for the normal "night night" phone call at 6pm and ex answered, sounded a bit disinterested and distant, said "oh, she's outside playing in the street with some kids, I'll just see if I can get her"

... naturally I was shocked as ex lives in a pretty rough innercity area.

I asked concerned "who is she playing with? Who's looking after her? Are you supervising her". Ex said they would search outside and get daughter... at this point I was feeling quite worried actually.

Eventually daughter came on the phone, said she had been playing outside with a couple of other children (one name i recognise from school), said they were playing in the street, then said they were playing in the street area infront of the house. I asked if an adult was with them and she said that XXX's mum was there (but couldn't work out if she was watching through the window/in the general area/within earshot etc)

... am I wrong or over-reacting that ex didn't seem to know or be keeping an eye on daughter when she is in ex's care? At 5 years old I'm really really NOT happy about this. Especially in the area ex lives in , it's well rough, it's back-to-back terrace housing with cars regularly racing down the street, kids running out, there is also a history of knife and gun crime in the area.

I mean ffs a 5 1/2 year old???

[elmoandella]

i grew up rural and i wasn't allowed out beyond yard until alot older.

YANBU

the cars you mentionned are the worry.

make it clear to your ex that this worries you, ask him not to allow her out unless he's willing to go watch.

[tweeni]

Not all children are the type to run in the road though. If yours is - no they shouldn't be out unsupervised. If not - no problem.

[macdoodle]

MY DD1 plays out every day till 8pm in the hols - she will be 7 in sept - has done so unsupervised (well me peering out the window every 10 mins or so)...since last summer when she was 5 and half (FFS )...
There is a group of kids who play out - all about the same age - though the 2 littlest are just 5...am more worried about their car sense - our older ones are good (but that is their parents business not mine)...but we do live in a nice suburban cul de sac....
TBH I don't think it does kids any good to be wrapped in cotton wool - I must admit I was a bit nervous last year but it has done them all the world of good - fresh air bikes playing games socialising - not sta in front of TV or games console - happy summer memories

[elmoandella]

op ex doesn't live in nice culdesac.

stays in busy innercity street with lots of cars!!

[beadingandtrimming]

YANBU

5 is far too young to be playing near roads, and unsupervised.
3 is just irresponsible in my opinion and I'm guessing the poster wasn't being serious.

[Collision]

My 3 and 6 y olds play outside unsupervised (as in I am not there constantly watching them) but we live at the end of a cul de sac and they know the rules about cars and are very good at standing still when they see a car approaching them.

Do you not think your ex has assessed the situation and deemed it safe for his dd to play out? I do think that most of us feel that no one can look after our children as well as we do! Surely he wouldnt want anything to happen to her either and he knows the area too.

[pointydog]

My children were allowed to play up and down our pavement and at a grassy bit at the bottom of the street aged 5.

[Collision]

I think the traffic is more of a worry than anything...........

[mamaberta]

She is your child. If you are not happy then that should be that. Am currently being nicely bullied by local "street play mafia" to allow DD4 to play out front with other kids but cars drive up to 50 and 60 mph up our road as it isn't busy so they get a clear run. DD has no road sense and some slight hearing impairment - I'm really sick of the "let'em run free and wild from an early age lobby". I have some irrational fears about stranger danger (for good reasons, I know the creep you know is a lot worse ) but my fears about traffic are rational and borne out by accident statistics. Stand your ground with your ex. If your gut feeling is that she isn't safe - go with it.
GL

[mamaberta]

Sorry, should have specified DD is 4 yo

[Kbear]

I played out when I was a child but not until about age 9. Five year olds out on the street is a no no to me. Because of road safety mainly. I don't get why anyone wants them outside on the street when they could be in the garden and safe. Plenty of time for building childhood memories of bike rides and climbing trees but at 5 they don't have an ounce of sense IMHO. I can't even contemplate letting a three year old play in the street. Front page of local paper stuff "3 year old hit by car" etc. Forget it.

[soph28]

We have a lane at the back of our house (access to all the cottages) that you have to go over to get to the garden. My 2 and 3yo freely wander back and forth and my 3yo is now allowed to go on the lane on his bike as far as next door neighbours on one side and 2 neighbours down on the other side. There are probably about 4/5 cars a day.

In answer to op- purely depends on how busy the road. My 3yo is very sensible playing out on his own- never wanders any where, very car aware etc so I imagine a 5yo would be fine.

[butterflyperidot]

I cannot believe 3-5 year olds are let out to play unsupervised like this.
How can parents be so blasé about their children's safety. If and when their children are involved in an accident they would no doubt claim they only let dc out of their sight for a moment.
It really saddens meI can hardly bear to read any more comments. The op is not being unreasonble.

[BlueCornflower]

My DD is four and I am certainly not letting her out to play in our cul-de-sac. Cars race up and down. My next door neighbour lets her kids out (now aged 3,4,5 but she let the youngest out at 2!!). They play all over the road and don't get out the way when the cars come down - they always approach me in my car to talk and I have to tell them to get out my (my car's!) way. How they haven't been hurt, I don't know.

I know DD will ask to play out soon but I am not letting her - simply because of the cars.

[raindropsonroses]

Too young! YANBU!
It's not worth the risk.

[onefootinthegravy]

It really does depend on where you live - The biggest danger by a mile is the road - My DD 5.6 has played outside during this summer holiday outside for the first time - but we're lucky the whole estate is pedestrianised and there is a park 50m from my front door - I would feel differently if cars could drive up and down outside.

[bergentulip]

mummyofone- you really don't let your 5yr old play in the garden on his own?
Is there no gate? IS there a dual carriageway running through it? Do you own a rottweiler..... what do you think will happen to him in the garden?

[ReallyTired]

I think that provided someone is keeping a general eye on her there is no harm. Provided she is not actually playing in the road.

I think that children need experienced of very loosely supervised play to mature. Its better for her than sitting in the living room watching videos or playing on Nintendo Wii.

My son has played out at a supervised adventure playground from the age of six. It has done wonders for his social skills and made him more confident.

[Roboshua]

enough about looking for cars.

I said they should not be playing out in the street however i have been over ruled. I did drum into the boys that they must not go out into the road. Usually DS1 is v sensible but I went to pick them up one day to find DS1 crouched in the middle of the road examining a remote control car.

I feel sick with worry when they are there and pray for rain so they won't be playing out.

[ReallyTired]

We are lucky in that our council provides supervised play areas. Even so children are free to come and go from the adventure playgrounds.

Its a bit of a chicken and egg situation. Children need independent experiences to mature, but they need to be fairly mature to be safe.

[Roboshua]

Sorry I messed up my last post. I tshould read as follows:

YANBU. My sons are allowed to play out on the street when they are with their Dad. I am not concerned aabout the peadophile issue as I realise most of that is hysteria caused by irresposible reporting ( I do work in this feild). However I am concerned about cars. it is a cut through with cars parked on either side and the kids jsut come out from between cars without much thought.

I said they should not be playing out in the street however I have been over ruled. I did drum into the boys that they must not go out into the road. Usually DS1 is v sensible but I went to pick them up one day to find DS1 crouched in the middle of the road examining a remote control car.

I feel sick with worry when they are there and pray for rain so they won't be playing out.

[tweeni]

why would i post it if i wasn't serious

[Hulababy]

Loosely supervised play - for us that would be in the garden. DD is left to her own devices to play either by herself or with friends. I don't supervise. We have a gate, but it stays locked.

I can't think of any reason at all why DD would need to play unsupervised outside of the garden at the moment. She is 6. She just doesn't need to. She has all she needs in the garden, or at the park suervised TBH.

If she wants to ride her bike/scooter, or go to the park, I take her. I may take a book or magazine and while away the time. Sometimes I just watch. Recently I have beem more active as she has been learning to cycle on her own.

Just because she isn't allowed on the steert by herself doesn't mean the alternative is sat indoors on a games console.

None of her friends play outside the garden, on the street, unsupervised either, so obviously not that common round here.