to think that this is a tad insensitive

[Quadrophenia]

right am having a really tough time financially, really tough. Mortgage has just shot up by £250, problems remortgaging, the stress is impacting my mood, my relationship and quite honestly I'm feeling really really shit. So best mate rings me tonight, we have a very open friendship i tell her my financial crap, not because I wnt to go into the details of my finances but becuase of how it is making me feel. Her response is to tell me about the £800 dining suite she has just bought. I don't mean ten minutes later, or even two, it was a direct response. Quite honestly i'm rather annoyed I'm pouring my guts out and that is her response! Please tell me i'm entitled to feel a little bit irked, i don't begrudge anyone anything in life, I'm frankly pleased she is doing well but as a friend I want her to be just a little more sympathetic.

[poorbuthappy]

I have a very similar relationship with someone close in my family...after having a discussion about our mortgage going up by £200 per month, me being pregnant and all the associated costs during maternity leave etc...she made all the right noises, then told me to go part time cos I'm getting older and how happy she was that Harvey Nicks was opening in Bristol so didn't have to go all the way to Birmingham to shop there...

You can just imagine my face can't you?

I didn't speak to her for a week cos I was so annoyed with her being insensitive and I don't think she noticed!!!!!

[NotABanana]

Amphibimum!!!

You have got to be joking!

[Quadrophenia]

I change conversations alot too, today though I really did want a sympathetic ear. I don't think i've ever felt so uncertain about my future and i think the way she dealt with it has made me slightly contemplative about our friendship.
I kind of pride myself on being a listener and think maybe i just expect others to be the same, in truth though I listen alot and don't share my crap much so when she didn't respond in a way i identify with i felt a bit hurt.

amphib honestly don't worry am using mn as a sounding board, you didn't upset me

[peacelily]

I just change the conversation when she starts v hard, whinging after turning up with yet another "restyle" i.e. cut and colour about £100 a pop. Or I leave an invoice from the nursery in an obvious place

she's worked v hard and she's clever but brash and insensitive when it somes to money.

[Amphibimum]

aw, thats a bit , that you laid yourself out there only to be kind of ignored (or thats how id feel i guess)
and then i was shitty too.
SORRY

[Quadrophenia]

I don't know about you peacelily but I can't say anything because the last thing I want to look is like I'm being resentful, i ight feel irked with her but i don't resent her hard work.

[peacelily]

YANBU, I'm more skint than when I was a student now and mortgage has just gone up, buy shoes from charity shops etc. BF has v well paid job which she deserves but I cannot listen to her going on about how "poor" she is.

She has half the mortgage, no childcare and earns 20k more than me!!And she rants on about how she can't cope carrying round the latest mulberry handbag (she has 4)

[Quadrophenia]

I don't resent her buying a dining suite, its fine just bleeding well don't tell me straight after i tell you I'm scared my life is about to fall apart - was telling her I didn't think my relationship would survive the added pressure- maybe she didn't know how to respond!

[somersetmum]

She probably bought it on tick, on one of those deals that are all over the tv at the moment - you know the ones, where you only have to pay about £20 a month for the next million years.
So, she earns more than you, but her lifestyle expectations are a lot higher too, so she's probably no better off than you, struggling to pay her humungous mortgage too.

[Love2bake]

YANBU - Your friend sounds very self-obsorbed.

[Amphibimum]

but an abortion is a horrible experience too. oh blimey, difficult.
i wouldnt have done that, but to my mind they are similar experiences. (sorry if feelings hurt)

[Quadrophenia]

hmm slartybartfast she probably is, I'm usually thicker skinned!!

[Amphibimum]

who me? yep!

[Quadrophenia]

aww notabanana some people are very crap and that definately falls into that category

[SlartyBartFast]

is she normally tactless?

[Quadrophenia]

and you really don't need to apologise am being indulgent and moany

[Quadrophenia]

I really don't think her intention was to upset me, course it wasn't, but i felt it was maybe an inconsiderate response and fresh from feeling generally rather crap I thought I'd mention it here!!

[NotABanana]

YANBU

Reminds me of the woman who talked about abortions just after I had told her I had had a miscarriage very recently.

[Amphibimum]

(oh, sorry, am boyz)

[Amphibimum]

sorry quad, i over stated it.
sorry you felt let down.
im sure (i hope) that as your bf, she had no intention to let you down in this way.
i really think you should say this to her... i bet shed be horrified to think shed hurt your feelings.
(sorry again for being blunt)

[Quadrophenia]

I didn't realise being financially obsessed equalled being shallow and uncaring, they are not mutually exclusive but on this ocassion i felt let down by her response.

[BoyzntheShire]

oh
'she is v finacially obsessed...every conversation somewhere has some reference to her earnings'
so if shes such a shallow and uncaring cow why is she your best friend?

[Quadrophenia]

just wanted to say am not slating her for being driven by money, thats up to her, I really really felt needy and like I needed some reassurance, and what i got was a kipper in theface!!

[BoyzntheShire]

you are supposed to be best mates, no?
so you share stuff, no? all of it, good and bad?
she listened didnt she?
i think yabu.
best friends are not supposed to be on eggshells round each other.