To think they should have spoken to me..

[WorzselMummage]

My .4 year old Daughter was premature and was slightly speech delayed she had some SALT at 2 years and has come on in leaps and bounds since then, she's a little chatter box infact.

We had a letter though from the Speach and language therapy team last week about a follow up appointment and i thought that she had come on so well that i'd cancell it but decided to speak to her nursery teacher first to find out what they thought as i have nothing to compare her to as she's our only child.

I approached her teacher this afternoon to ask how they thought she was coming along and was floored when they said that they had never really heard her speak. She's been there for 6 month surely if she hadn't spoken by now they should have been speaking to me.. i'd have thought it was normal to quastion things like this with parents not just leave it going on and on. I have actualyl spoken to her teacher on several occasions to be told that she's doing fine when she clearly isnt.

I am gutted and bloody angry, surely its their job to try and engage her not just decide she's shy and ignore her. She can be a bit shy but soon comes out of her shell with persuasion like any 3 year old i would imagine. She never stops talking to me but is also quite self contained child, her Dad is though its just her personality.

AIBU to be a considering changing her nursery and to be bloody furious ?

[southeastastra]

they should have spoken to you sooner, it's pretty bad of them not to but then again i've encounterd the same

[harpomarx]

just reading your post made me so angry.

they should have raised the fact that she wasn't speaking much sooner. That's shocking!

I would complain to the nursery manager and try to get to the bottom of what is going on.

some kids don't speak much at nursery (mine does go through phases) but you should be getting feedback on this, even if it's just her keyworker telling me she was 'a bit quiet today'.

Do you not speak to nursery staff when you drop off/pick up? What have they been telling you about your dd?

[MrsThierryHenry]

It probably feels like an overwhelming task. Choosing childcare is a huge job and once you think you've got it sorted it's a nightmare to have to deal with the possibility of removing your child.

Firstly you probably need to decide what outcome you think would (a) be best for DD, (b) leave you feeling most peaceful. Withdraw her completely, or make a serious complaint and give them time to pull their socks up?

Next, once you've decided this, you might find it helpful to break the task down into individual steps, e.g.

Step one: Write down all my concerns about the nursery, with examples (you can use examples of how other nurseries do things; I think that would be perfectly reasonable). This will form the basis of your complaint and you should take it with you.

Step 2: What do you think? Discuss the situation again with the keyworker, telling her how dissatisfied with your last conv?Tell the keyworker how concerned you are and that you'd like to arrange a meeting with her and her boss? Just arrange the meeting over her head? (I would def not recommend the last suggestion - it will create a lot of antagonism btw you and she'll most likely lose respect for you in the process)

Carry on this way, perhaps it would help you to note down each step. It's like climbing up a steep hill - if you set yourself small, achievable milestones, it's far more encouraging than keeping your eye on the top. Hmmm...think I should go and apply my own advice to sorting out my career!!

Good luck, Wurzle.

[WorzselMummage]

feelingbetterslowely she plays great with my friends children who are 2 and 1, they are best mates and really interact with each other and have their own conversations and discussions and she seems to play well with other children we see on a one to one basis. Maybe she just doesn't like the fact that nursery is so busy ?

MrsThierryHenry My worry now is that she's miserable the whole time she's there and is spending the whole time she's there on her own. As you have said if that is the case or it is a case of her not getting the input she needs neither of them are acceptable atall.

what do i do now though ? arrange a meeting with the head teacher or just start the wheels in motion to change school it really has shattered my confidence in this nursery

[MrsThierryHenry]

I was a teacher for about 5 years. If you had asked me at any given time about the progress of any of my individual students I could have given you detailed feedback. It was really important to me; I took pride in this and actually enjoyed writing up their school reports.

They really should be aware of how she's doing, and after 6 months they have no excuse.

If she's not talking there it quite possibly indicates that she's not happy or relaxed there. If she is talking and they haven't noticed, there's something wrong with the way they're interacting with/ monitoring her.

[pinkyp]

They might just mean, she has spoke but because they were unaware of the situation they didnt listen out for anything if that makes sense? I'd ask the teacher if she could have a chat with dd and to give u feedback on her speach? maybe?

[Feelingbetterslowly]

Oh you poor thing-I would be heartbroken. Would they let you do a "fly on the wall" thing-just so you can see what she's up to without her and the staff knowing you are there? See if you can arrange some playdates with some of her children in her class-it will help you to see how she plays with the other children and will help you meet some mums too, and if she plays with them out of nursery it will strengthen their relationships in nursery too, so she will be more confident.

[WorzselMummage]

I have had worries about it before, she never tells me what she's been up to while she's been there and has only ever bought something home that she has made twice.

I dont have any friends with nursery age children here as we moved here when Grace was a baby, i have no-one to speak to about it really.

A lot of the schools here have terrible Ofstead reports, the one she goes to is the school with the best locally

[MrsThierryHenry]

Do you have any other concerns about the nursery? If they could be so neglectful as to make such a poor effort to engage your DD, and couldn't even be bothered to talk to you about her not speaking, it's quite possible that there are other areas of their incompetence which have not come to light.

Why don't you compare and contrast nurseries with friends who have children at other nurseries, so that you can get an idea of what you're missing? I'd then arrange a meeting with your DD's key worker there as well as the head of the nursery, and lay out your complaints.

You could, if you want to, give them a second chance for a month or so. Or you could tell them at the meeting that you've lost trust in their ability to look after your daughter properly and that you'll be withdrawing her.

If I were you I'd also alert OFSTED as this does sound pretty serious to me.

[micci25]

no you are not being unreasonable to be furious the nursery should have definately discussed this with you and tried to come up with ways to encourage her to join in, i found out that my dd1 found it hard to make friends when she first started nursery, as she liked to play with the older kids who werent always in her group, last week when i mentioned that she would be going to a school not attatched to her nursery. when i believe that they should have told me her problem in the begining so that i could have hjelped her with it, luckily her problem resolved itself and she can make friends easily.

i think that changing schools might excaserbate the problem if she is shy she will not appreciate a change in surroundings and new faces, what you need to do is work with the nursery teachers to try and find a way to encourage her

[eenybeeny]

gosh I am sorry I honestly dont know if you are BU or not as my radar is all off today but my gut instinct is to wonder how they are engaging her if they dont even know that she speaks??? Poor DD! I am really sorry. I hope others come along with more sense than I.

[WorzselMummage]

she's 3 years and 4 months sorry i dont know how i managed to delete that bit.