Child getting ready for school

[Createausername1234]

Hello there, I hope you are all well. I wanted to check if this is a regular thing in every household with a 7 year old please?

Our daughter wakes up after a lot of attempts, brushes and gets downstairs to have breakfast. Some days, it takes longer and she gets told it is not correct by me who is upstairs constantly reminding her to hurry up. Downstairs my husband will be making breakfast and if she is really late, she gets shouted at by him and he tends to stay angry at me and her for the rest of the morning.

I understand the angry part but I think that sulking for the rest of the morning for that cause is a bit too much. Most of his family sulks(sometimes for years, so I am not surprised he does that). I am thinking of better ways to handle it like getting her to sleep early etc. instead of constant fights everyday which definitely spoils the mood for me. I really want another child but the thought of arguments and fights really put me off.

Please share what mornings looks like in your households? Also, any good tips for us please? Thank you.

[idontlikealdi]

No it's not a regular thing in our house. Your husband sounds like he has anger issues.

If she can't get up she needs to go to sleep earlier. DTs were pretty self sufficient by 7, they were always up before they needed to be. is she on time for school?

[DrJoanAllenby]

Would you want to get out of bed and go downstairs if your dad is a miserable old ogre?

He's the problem, not her.

Get him to go for a walk or a run in the morning so that your daughter can get up and get ready for school in a calm and tension free environment.

Imagine going to school feeling anxious, because of her nasty father. Poor child.

[LegoDeathTrap]

He is definitely the problem here. And she should go to bed earlier.

The mornings are chaotic and there might be shouting for where is my bottle / is the bathroom free / your breakfast is cooling please hurry / please move along, but no one gets so angry that they stay angry for the rest of the morning.

[RainbowZebraWarrior]

This is not a child getting ready for school issue.

This is an angry husband issue.

Most kids take a while to sort themselves out and have to be asked 9 times to brush their teeth. Mond, my DD is Autistic, so that's a whole different ball game.

[Sera1989]

Getting shouted at in the morning is no way to start the day. With the arguments you must all be stressed. Your daughter needs to go to bed earlier or you need to wake her up earlier. How is she generally? Is she very tired in the morning or does she stay in bed to avoid starting her day?

[Icanseethebeach]

I wouldn’t want to go downstairs and get shouted at either.

Have you asked her what the problem is? Obviously if your having to wake her up she isn’t getting enough sleep - how much does she get? Mine needs about 11 hours a night. Are the mornings too rushed? Does she need time to wake up fully before eating breakfast?

What should be happening at different times? Has this been communicated to her clearly? Can she remember what she needs to do? Our morning are much better now my 7 year old has a list of what needs to be done.

[Icanseethebeach]

OP reading your other thread you say DH has an anger problem which is only directed towards you and your children.

You’re expecting a 7 year old who is being emotionally abused to display the kind of emotional and social skills which isn’t been modelled to her by adults at home. Abuse is a cycle and you say in your other thread that your ‘D’H learnt it from his father. Who is going to be the one to break the cycle?

[Singleandproud]

First you have a husband problem.

Secondly you have a you problem. Telling her she's not doing things correctly and giving constant reminders to hurry up is not helpful. Nor is it going to make her speed up. Change your morning routine.
Get everything ready the night before, including lunch in the fridge so it can be grabbed, cereal into tupperware with lids so literally all you need to do is add milk and chuck some bread in the toaster.
Parents get up and dressed so you are ready.
Get DD up, in the bathroom and washed and then put some nice happy music on whilst getting dressed. Sit with her whilst she's doing this and talk to her it's a nice way to start the morning and you can assist her to prompt her on the next task. Once she's dressed put a dressing gown or cooking apron over her clothes to avoid breakfast accidents. All sit around the table together, teeth brushed and a face wipe in the kitchen. Shoes on and off to school.

If she struggles to wake up try a Lumia sunrise clock, have some gentle music playing whilst you get ready and have her bedroom door open so the noise of you getting ready rouses her.

[SkyBloo]

"Wakes up after a lot of attempts" what does this mean?

She should be waking naturally with plenty of time to get ready. Eg if you leave at 8.30 for school she would probably need to be fully awake by 7.30 at the latest (my kids wake naturally around 6.30). My 7 year old goes to bed between 7.45 & 8pm. In the mornings he gets himself dressed etc, makes his breakfast and eats it, with very limited prompting.

[juniorspesh]

Mine wakes naturally anywhere between 6.30 and 7.30. Has a clock on his wall and knows he's not meant to wake us til after 7. DH and I take it in turns to get up.

Whoever's turn it is goes downstairs, makes breakfast and a school packed lunch (sandwich, yoghurt, cheese, fruit, water bottle) while he's eating it. There is usually time for some sort of 30 min activity - no screens in the morning but maybe a jigsaw, marble run, watering the plants, or a bit of light homework (e.g. revising for spelling test).

Gets dressed approx 10 mins before we need to leave the house but I can see how this wouldn't work for everyone. I still lay the clothes out for him and remind him to brush his teeth.

Maybe get her to get dressed as soon as she gets up so when she gets down all she has to do is eat breakfast?

[Createausername1234]

Thank you all..very valuable inputs..I was also thinking about changing bed time habits than upsetting her in the morning.
I remember growing up a loving environment. My parents never argued in front of us. My husbands' parents are constantly arguing to the point that father spends most days in front of TV and mother in the kitchen. They hardly talk. He tried therapy sessions, got some good advise, no much change. He seems to think about the situation very differently than how it actually happened, I don't know how to help him. Having said all this, if you meet this chap outside, he is the most kindest gentleman that will win you over! Anyway my rant is over, I am living with a hope that he will change someday.

[Flopsythebunny]

@Createausername1234

Thank you all..very valuable inputs..I was also thinking about changing bed time habits than upsetting her in the morning.
I remember growing up a loving environment. My parents never argued in front of us. My husbands' parents are constantly arguing to the point that father spends most days in front of TV and mother in the kitchen. They hardly talk. He tried therapy sessions, got some good advise, no much change. He seems to think about the situation very differently than how it actually happened, I don't know how to help him. Having said all this, if you meet this chap outside, he is the most kindest gentleman that will win you over! Anyway my rant is over, I am living with a hope that he will change someday.

He won't change. He he is abusing your daughter

[BoohooWoohoo]

Why would he change when you stay with him and send out the message that his behaviour is normal?

Your dd has no choice but to stay which is very sad.

[takealettermsjones]

I'm not going to comment on the husband being angry, you know that's not okay... I just wanted to say that the "needs to go to bed earlier" refrain is not always the case. All my children have always been late risers, even as babies, and it makes no difference whatsoever what time they go to bed. The things that did make a difference were the way they were woken up and the lead time they were given (so basically a gentle alarm at least 30 minutes before they actually have to be up). Then they can arse around spend some time doing what they want in their room for a bit before they have to start getting ready. They all also have their own "morning routine" charts with plastic sliders to "tick off" each task, which I got from Amazon. They really help to keep them focused.

[stayathomer]

everyone shouts sometimes- there’s four children here with varying degrees of willingness to get out on time- sometimes it’s the bathroom that holds us up, or can’t find socks or something that they forgot they needed. We have to get to the train station at a certain time, then onto two schools. Dh always said he hated how cranky his dad was in the morning but sometimes I know either/both of us can be the same but you need to talk to him and tell him that people sometimes take longer to get ready and the whole morning can’t be ruined by it.

ps in our house we have shoes and uniforms, coats and if necessary hats ready the night before but still barely make it out on time sometimes (sometimes animal related though😅)