To be pissed off with family buying DD sweets all the time?!

[SENMUM95]

DD is 8 and our family live very local so we see each other multiple times a week. My mum couldn’t give two shits about our teeth growing up - we was never encouraged to eat healthily, never shown how to brush our teeth properly - so as a result I have awful teeth which I’m now spending thousands of pounds fixing.

As a result of that I am very strict about DD’s teeth - I still brush them (she does have autism though and wouldn’t be able to do them properly on her own at this point in time), I don’t allow many sweets (only a small amount once per week as a treat), I only offer water and milk to drink etc. DD has fantastic teeth because of this.

My family know how I feel about the sweets and yet they continue to buy her loads and some of the worst kinds too - such as candy floss which is basically just sugar in a plastic pot - and they know I get annoyed because they say things like “oh I know you would hate this but I got it anyway!”. Of course, whenever they do buy stuff it goes unopened until they leave and then goes straight in the bin, but they often give it in front of DD and even though I’ve drilled into her what loads of sweets can do to her teeth etc and she often chooses healthier alternatives when offered anyway, she is still a child and doing that in front of her does cause temptation and then upset when they are chucked away.

I am starting to really believe that all the crappy E numbers and things in these sweets do affect her behaviour too and she copes a lot better autism wise when she doesn’t have them.

AIBU to send out a family text message saying that they are not to buy her anymore sweets (the sweets will be turned away at the front door if necessary) and that if they want to buy her a treat to buy healthier alternatives (like fruit for example that she absolutely adores - and yes I’m aware it’s still natural sugar so again that’s given in moderation).

[Daffodilsarentfluffy]

Just bag them up and bin them. Let them see you do it.

[MumChp]

Wouldn't do a fuzz.
10% to kid. 90% to a food bank.

[dancingdaisies]

You wouldn't be unreasonable to send the message but I think you could word it more kindly.

[SENMUM95]

@dancingdaisies unfortunately I’ve tried wording it kindly and explaining why it’s so important but they haven’t listened so now I’m getting to the point where I am getting harsh and snappy about it because it’s like they are intentionally set on trying to ruin my child’s teeth.

[SENMUM95]

Also just to add that because of DD’s autism she would find any dental procedures extremely distressing and would probably need putting to sleep - another huge reason as to why keeping them in good condition is so important to avoid her having to go through that.

[MrsSkylerWhite]

I think you’re really sensible to clean your daughter’s teeth. Most kids don’t do it properly until they’re older.

[Crumpleton]

If you've been decent about asking and they don't listen I'd be inclined to tell them not to bother visiting if they have sweets with them.
Then it would be their choice as to whether to visit you or not.

[MummySam2017]

You’ve told them not to buy sweets. I’d also tell them you throw them in the bin, so its a waste of their money. Would they still keep buying if they knew it didn’t reach DD? Just keep bining or offer to give it back. My kids only have sweets on a Friday, my Mum sometimes gets sweets but it she gets ones I don’t approve of, I just say ‘sorry Mum, they can’t have these, you may aswell take them back with you or they’ll just end up in the bin’. She’s not offended.

[Lilyhatesjaz]

I used to throw away lollys, chews etc from party bags and give my DC some chocolate buttons instead as they are eaten more quickly and spend less time in the mouth and can be followed with a glass of water, could this be a compromise?
I totally understand why you are annoyed my teeth are really bad due to all the boiled sweets and toffee I had as a child.

[AquaCrow]

Would it be possible to get your daughter involved. If it's possible it's much better to get her to understand what she should eat. There will be lots of other times when she will be able to get sweets when you aren't there. I used to let my kids have one sweet treat a day (I know that's too much but it's what I did🤷🏻‍♀️) They liked the power of being able to choose what they liked. Then when people offered them sweets they refused.

I understand her autism may not make this possible.

[Hugefan]

I appreciate that you want to drill into your DD good dental hygiene but would caution a holistic approach. Too much restriction in a child's diet can lead to a real temptation in adult life.

[jobinterviiew]

Tell them a lie. Say you've taken her for a checkup and they have noticed her teeth have some damage to the enamel and have advised a cut back on sugar. So there will be no more sweets.

Let them know you don't mind the occasional treat but you would prefer a small pack of chocolate buttons rather than huge amounts of sticky sugary sweets and candy floss. And they should ask you first to ensure moderation.

This way you are not banning all treats, and you have a reason to say no to the worst of the stuff they give her.

[MariaVT65]

I think this might be a generational thing. The default present from all my 3 year old’s grandparents is chocolate. Particularly Freddos. I don’t give most of them to him, except for bribing/reward purposes.

Food bank is good suggestion.