I don't mind a "quick run"

[helenabonhamfarter]

Is it me?

DH announces frequently he's off for a "quick run" or "quick bike ride"

Fine no problem.

It's what follows after which is annoying.

Quick run= 90 mins (or cycle ride)

Then comes home and has "cool down" period- normally over 30 mins (think lying on floor drinking water and being generally useless)

Then hour of bath, faffing around, putting smelly kit in laundry.

So "quick" exercise turns into nearly three hours whilst I do childcare, homework, house work etc

Anyone else's other half do this? And don't get me started on the 30 minute poos!!

(And for what it's worth my hours of work during the week are considerably longer tab his)

[Imissmoominmama]

Sorry- the quote didn’t post 🙄

[TooMinty]

Love your username OP!

Yes, this would annoy me both for using "quick" when it's anything but and for taking 3 hours off to himself while you have to manage kids etc. I would only let it go if you get the same amount of time to yourself while he does an equally good job of looking after kids/doing chores. So if you also get 3 hours to do a hobby/exercise/relax or whatever then fine. If not, point this out and start taking your "me time"!

[Fe345fleur]

Another runner here agreeing 30 mins is a 'quick run'. With short amount of time either side for washing, dressing etc.

[AtrociousCircumstance]

He’s a selfish prick.

[brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr]

My wife goes out for 5k runs that take 90 minutes because it’s running and chatting and getting there and getting back. And it’s fine, it’s a meaningful connected social and fitness thing. Small pleasures. There are 10’000 minutes in a week, 90 of them is less than one percent.

[mynameishilary]

A quick run probably does take that amount of time (for me it does anyway) and yes there is the faffing of getting changed to go.

However, I don't understand why he's lying around on the floor drinking water afterwards. I don't do that. I sometimes walk the last few minutes and drink water then, as a sort of cool-down but then I go in and make dinner or do whatever needs to be done, if anything (I'm a newish single parent ).

I'd probably have a word with him.

[RandomUsernameHere]

Just make sure you get some time for your hobbies too, then it's fair?

[mynameishilary]

It sounds like a lot of unnecessary faff if it's turning into three hours. It certainly shouldn't be impacting on him doing his share of the housework.

[itsgettingweird]

@SnarkyBag

Just start “popping to the shops” and go for coffee and a mooch for 3 hours each time.

This.

But I'd go further and when he walks through the door announce

"Oh great you're home - I just need to pop to the shops for 30 minutes".

Then come home 3 hours later.

If he says anything just point out his quick 30 minute runs are the same 3 hour timescale and if your 30 minutes shop trip annoys him he needs to work out why the equality pisses him off so much

[ChiefFinderOuter]

I’m not seeing the problem if you know what to expect of his ‘quick runs’, unless he is somehow stopping you from doing the same. I run a lot. Quite often 90 minutes at the weekend. And then yes, I stretch and have a shower (although that doesn’t take as long as it seems to take your husband). While I am doing this my husband holds the fort, but I expect to do the same for him when he wants to do something.

[SkankingWombat]

@brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

My wife goes out for 5k runs that take 90 minutes because it’s running and chatting and getting there and getting back. And it’s fine, it’s a meaningful connected social and fitness thing. Small pleasures. There are 10’000 minutes in a week, 90 of them is less than one percent.

It isn't the 90 mins run that is the problem here (although I'm not sure an hour and a half qualifies 'quick run' either). It is the faffing either side which takes it to 3hrs that's the problem. Does your DW spend 30 mins prepping for her run, 90 mins running, 30 mins cooling down/stretching, then another 30 mins getting showered?

OP my DH is like this too, although he cycles and the core 'cycle time' is an hr. He spends longer faffing though, so the overall time is similar. His prep takes an hour: carefully planning his route, getting dressed, preparing, adjusting and tuning The Bike. Once home, The Bike needs cleaning and re-tuning from all the wear and tear that has occurred during its 60 minutes of use (another half hour). Then a shower is needed (30 mins again). I can understand the bike cleaning and tuning after a ride so it is put away 'ready to use', but why does it then need doing again before the next ride?
He does try to be considerate though, so he goes out early-ish and it is only the second part of the cycle and post-exercise faff that impact on me and DCs, which is fine.
In comparison, I swim and once a week do a 'quick swim' (I have a longer swim another night). 5 mins to get ready, 15 min drive, 30 min swim, 10 min shower and change, 15 min drive: 1hr 15 mins start to finish and done at a time when it has a minimal impact on the family. That is 'quick'!

[Quartz2208]

That isnt quick though is it even at the start

You need to have a conversation about equal time to do these things and an equal split of responsibilites

[InFiveMins]

He is doing it to get out of his father and husband duties. Stop putting up with it and make sure you get the exact same time to yourself!!

[Lisbeth50]

My quick runs are 20-30 minutes long. I quite often get home & start making tea before managing to have a shower or shower quickly whilst waiting for the oven to heat up. When the kids were younger I used to go to parkrun & frequently be still in my running clothes at 1pm because I'd had no time to shower & change.

[ChangedNameAgain99]

I know how long it takes but he does run it past me (not literally of course) and in his head yes it’s a quick run but I know it’s run, then 5-10 home complaining about how slow he was today, anyway whatever it is I say it’s about 2-2.5 hours

[rookiemere]

It's the refusal to acknowledge the solo time taken here and the minimising of it by calling what is definitely not a "quick" duration of time by anyones definition.

If instead he had said "I'm planning to do a 90 minute run tomorrow morning- that ok with you." I doubt OP would be posting here.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

I wrote down the time spent on work, chores and hobbies for me and DH once. I know he was convinced he was doing his fair share. It really shocked him to see how big the gap had become. He does far more now and it's much closer to 50:50.
Keep a diary for a week and show it too him.

[LongSufrin]

I feel your pain, OP.
My DH used to pop out for a quick run in the morning sometimes, taking in total around 2.5 hours inc getting ready, slow breakfast and bath while I did everything for baby. He can only run about 2k. He then accidentally let it slip that he had a sit on a bench by the sea halfway. After about 6 months of negotiations he has cut out the run and now gets ready in 45-60 minutes daily, this is the same amount of time I take for a 30min quick run and shower but at least he gets up early enough that I have time for my run now.

[Blahdeebla]

If it happens every time its just an expression isn't it? JUst tell him it's irritating and ask him to stop calling it that.

[Fizbosshoes]

How long are his long runs....?

I'm going for a run tomorrow, I'll probably be 90 minutes. I call it my long run, it certainly feels long 🤣 it's my longest run of the week, and unless I'm marathon training 1.5-2 hrs are my long runs. A quick run is about 20-30 min

[YumYummy]

OP plan a ‘quick’ coffee with a friend.

[brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr]

@SkankingWombat

It isn't the 90 mins run that is the problem here (although I'm not sure an hour and a half qualifies 'quick run' either). It is the faffing either side which takes it to 3hrs that's the problem. Does your DW spend 30 mins prepping for her run, 90 mins running, 30 mins cooling down/stretching, then another 30 mins getting showered?

OP my DH is like this too, although he cycles and the core 'cycle time' is an hr. He spends longer faffing though, so the overall time is similar. His prep takes an hour: carefully planning his route, getting dressed, preparing, adjusting and tuning The Bike. Once home, The Bike needs cleaning and re-tuning from all the wear and tear that has occurred during its 60 minutes of use (another half hour). Then a shower is needed (30 mins again). I can understand the bike cleaning and tuning after a ride so it is put away 'ready to use', but why does it then need doing again before the next ride?
He does try to be considerate though, so he goes out early-ish and it is only the second part of the cycle and post-exercise faff that impact on me and DCs, which is fine.
In comparison, I swim and once a week do a 'quick swim' (I have a longer swim another night). 5 mins to get ready, 15 min drive, 30 min swim, 10 min shower and change, 15 min drive: 1hr 15 mins start to finish and done at a time when it has a minimal impact on the family. That is 'quick'!

Well of the 90 minutes only 30 is actually the running and the place they run is local. Bear in mind I am not complaining about this, it’s something she enjoys and it’s a social thing as well as for health.

[theydontspeakforus]

I have friends (men) who do ultra marathons, iron men competitions, cross country cycling....... all of them have wives who pick up the housework / childcare / life admin slack. This is usually at least one full day per weekend, and usually a weekend day and an overnight at least once a month. As well as 6-7am daily runs / cycles etc.

Fuck that. If you don't want to be involved in family life, don't have a family.

Tell your husband he has 1.5 hours to stretch, run, cool down, wash and be ready for family duties, or absolutely do what a PP days and go for a "quick coffee", for 3 hours, every Saturday until he gets the bloody hint. Just because he's staying fit, it doesn't come at the detriment of spending time together and helping out with family time.

[WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps]

@theydontspeakforus

I have friends (men) who do ultra marathons, iron men competitions, cross country cycling....... all of them have wives who pick up the housework / childcare / life admin slack. This is usually at least one full day per weekend, and usually a weekend day and an overnight at least once a month. As well as 6-7am daily runs / cycles etc.

Fuck that. If you don't want to be involved in family life, don't have a family.

Tell your husband he has 1.5 hours to stretch, run, cool down, wash and be ready for family duties, or absolutely do what a PP days and go for a "quick coffee", for 3 hours, every Saturday until he gets the bloody hint. Just because he's staying fit, it doesn't come at the detriment of spending time together and helping out with family time.

This. ^

[WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps]

@helenabonhamfarter As pps have said, when he comes in, just say you're going out for half an hour to the shops/with a friend, and come back 2-3 hours later.