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AIBU?

My husband is lazy and it's driving me insane

91 replies

Ek232 · 24/09/2022 17:14

I don't even know where to start with this tbh.

My husband acts like a slob and I've tried everything I can think of to get him to try harder or to lower my standards but it's getting to breaking point. He's always been on the lazy side but it's getting too much for me to deal with.

He has really poor personal hygiene. He doesn't wash very often despite having a job where he gets dirty. He smells and tries to cover it with body spray - which really doesn't work. Plus he's visibly dirty a lot of the time. His hands are often grubby and he gets lines on the back if his neck which are gross. He leaves dirty finger marks on the banister and door handles etc until I nag him to wash his hands. We don't have sex because he smells. I usually end up sleeping on the sofa most nights because he's dirty and smelly. The pillow cases are stained because he sweats on them.

I've told him - nicely and not as nicely- that he smells. I've said I won't have sex with him unless he washes and brushes his teeth better. He just says I'm being bitchy. Earlier, I was cleaning and went to wipe the bannister which was filthy again and I complained that it shouldn't get that dirty so often and he denied it was him. Apparently he never touches the bannister. (Our son is 14 so it's not even toddler grubby fingers).

He doesn't get changed when he comes jn and will sit around in dirty clothes for weeks without washing them.

His attitude to housework is pretty much the same as his attitude to his personal hygiene. He dumps things everywhere. Dirty socks all over. Rubbish overflowing. He never puts anything away. If I ask him to help with housework his answer is always 'but the house isn't that messy' or 'but noones coming'. I can't live in a mess so I end up doing all the housework myself. Only for him to leave keys and rubbish and everything else everywhere.

It's the hygiene thing that's bothering me the most. It's a Saturday and I just want to sit and watch a film and snuggle tonight but I know I can't because he smells. I'll probably be sleeping om the sofa because he doesn't think he's dirty enough to shower. He hasn't showered in a full week.

He doesn't think any of this is his problem. I'm being ' a bitch' or I 'have ocd' etc. Sometimes it's like he takes a weird pride In his laziness. He went to kiss me the other day and I wasn't even trying to react but I instinctively pulled away because the smell was too much. He laughed and said 'oh yeah. Not brushed my teeth today...maybe not even yesterday ' then breathed in my face.

I honestly don't think I can take much more. It feels so silly to be considering divorce because he won't shower but this is where we're at.

I've tried suggesting we shower together. I've tried running him baths for when he gets home. Nothing works and tbh it's exhausting to constantly be thinking of ways to get him to wash.

It's not a mental health thing - he's always been lazy but it's getting worse/bothering me more. It's not sensory. When he's kn the bath or shower he can spend hours in there. It's more a 'can't be bothered' thing.

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Stopthebusplease · 04/02/2023 23:38

If you're not already busy packing this disgusting creature's bags for him, can I ask please, how your DS feels about his father, does he comment on the smell to you, or directly to his father's face, or has he just got used to it, as from what you've said, it seems like he's barely old enough to have known him any other way? Also, is your DS showering regularly and maintaining good hygiene, or is he going the same way?