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To move 30mins away for kids school?
72

dooneby · 06/08/2022 08:14

We've given notice to leave our rental property. We're now in a position to buy and have been viewing some properties.

We've found one that is great value for money but 30 mins away from where we currently live and our kids school and in a lovely rural location.

What we could get for the same money in our area is not great. Tiny, mid-terraced houses in rough areas. That's all that seems to be available just now.

Or they need a lot of work done, we can handle changing the decor but not on top of a new roof, bathroom, kitchen and possibly windows. That's without having the damp investigated in the roof spaces/rendering etc.

We're in a tight spot because we need to leave our rental. We're on the hunt for another rental but there are too many people applying and too few houses.

The kids don't want to move schools understandably, they're both at primary. I was googling it last night and seemingly it can be traumatising having to move schools in childhood!

Family members are telling us it's too far but they aren't being faced with homelessness...

This move would mean my husband would be in the car for 2 hours every school day. That's a lot of dead time, and petrol!

AIBU to consider this move?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Dammitthisisshit · 06/08/2022 08:21

If you want to move area (the rural area sounds much nicer though do think about if you’ll miss having shops etc on your doorstep) then you look to move schools. Primary age children are pretty resilient and will make new friends. think about where they’d go to secondary too though.

the 1 hour commute each way for your husband… is that to do the school run only as you say it’s just on school days?

Finally see if you can extend your rental contract - house sales can take ages to go through.

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sunshineandshowers40 · 06/08/2022 08:24

How old are the DC. I would probably move to a local school if they weren't going into Y6. Would it be the same secondary school?

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Velvian · 06/08/2022 08:26

If you take into account the fuel cost of the 2 hour driving each day, can you add that to your rental budget for the area you live now?

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PuttingDownRoots · 06/08/2022 08:27

Have you actually timed the journey on school days? We lived 2 miles from DDs school at one point... it took between 7 minutes and 45 minutes... it actually took a toil on my mental health at one point. (The worst day we left at 8.15. I got home at 10.15 , but that was including the difference in drop off times during Covid... they started 20 minutes apart)

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Whatever00 · 06/08/2022 08:27

We moved in December and kept our daughter in school until July. It was 45 minutes drive in the morning traffic and 20 minutes drive in the afternoon. That made it around 2 hours round trip a day. It was exhausting and stressful. We were often late what with accidents and road works. It cost a fortune in fuel. I'm glad we did it because moving house and school, in middle of the year, would have been a lot of transition. However, we only did it for 6 months. I wouldn't have done it for years.

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DDivaStar · 06/08/2022 08:29

Firstly consider the timeline for buying, you may well need a shirt rental in between.

Kids can easily move school in the earlier years, perhaps a little more difficult in Yr 5/6. But also consider your secondary school options and travel then.

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Indoctro · 06/08/2022 08:29

I grew up with a RAF father.

I had 3 primary schools my sister had 5 . We most definitely haven't been traumatised

Within about 2 weeks you have new friends and the move is all forgotten.

I would 100% move schools.

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KatherineJaneway · 06/08/2022 08:31

Have you lived rurally before?

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arrogantorwhat37 · 06/08/2022 08:32

Forces children moce schools regularly, as do children of parents with 'itinerant
' occupations, children of divorced parents,children whose parents emigrate... the list is endless.
Speaking from experience, I loved it, but a lot depends on how you explain it to them

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Endlesslypatient82 · 06/08/2022 08:33

Absolute no brainer OP. I can’t believeyou’re even considering. Not. A. Chance. I would move to this property.

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Dotcheck · 06/08/2022 08:35

I’d move schools. It would be so hard to be far away and manage friends/ clubs etc
I think the financial stability of the family should come first. Can you tempt them with something, like could you get a pet?

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Fireyflies · 06/08/2022 08:35

I moved a shorter distance than that and left DCs at the same school initially. It meant DC1 had to go to a different secondary from all his friends as we'd moved out of catchment which was hard on him. And DC2 was missing out a lot on play dates after school as noone wanted to come and pick their child up from where we lived. In the end I moved DC2 half way through Y3, which went fine and she settled very quickly and had an easier time moving on to secondary. It was much nicer being able to walk to the new school

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GoAround · 06/08/2022 08:37

Lovely rural location, an affordable house and the security of owning versus renting sounds great. It’s utter nonsense that it’s traumatising to change primary schools unless there’s a hell of a lot more going on at home than just a bog standard house move. The change of school would in fact be a good way to meet people in the new area and have local friends. Living so far from school could in fact prove more limiting for playdates and socialising. The kids might be resistant at first but they would adjust.

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Ontomatopea · 06/08/2022 08:37

you need to live somewhere so if it's an option to live there I'd go for it. Like you say the houses just get snapped up in days now

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Bayleaf25 · 06/08/2022 08:39

I think I would also be considering where they will go to secondary school, is it easily accessible from the new location (assuming you won’t want to move again in a few years)?

does the location have public transport so teens can travel to a town/activities/meet friends? Being able to easily see friends seems much more important to teenagers than younger children.

However on balance the move sounds good but I would think about the picture in a few years time.

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Br1ll1ant · 06/08/2022 08:40

There is research that moving at primary age is great for children. They realise that places and people are the same all over and that they can make new friends wherever they go. It is an aide to building resilience.

A long drive to school, plus the inevitable increased difficulties with clubs and play dates etc. would likely be harder for them.

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welshweasel · 06/08/2022 08:41

Assuming the secondary school options in the new area are good then buy the house and move schools. The kids will adjust!

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FAQs · 06/08/2022 08:41

30 minutes is normal for rural homes, 30 is the closest we have been for primary, secondary was a 1 hr 20 mins on the school bus. My daughter moved schools once with no problems (end of year 4)

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TailSpinner · 06/08/2022 08:45

The kids don't want to move schools understandably, they're both at primary. I was googling it last night and seemingly it can be traumatising having to move schools in childhood!

I was service child and moved 4 times… I’m not traumatised. Stop googling. All children are different - you know your own children - if you had a child with SEND who is settled and happy and generally struggles with change then maybe leave them with there are. If your children are generally resilient then they’ll be fine.

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tiggergoesbounce · 06/08/2022 08:48

Is is a clear 30min run? Or is it 30 min with the potential of 45/60 min often.

We lived 30mins from our school and the area we lived was rural and beautiful. There were no shops unless we travelled, but that was fine as we were in the shopping area everyday for school anyway.

Im glad we grew up in the countryside, it felt safer and we played in the forests and fields but had the luxury of still being able to go to friends, scouts, football club etc but we would need to be collected (the 30 min drive) each time. Factor in fuel costs for all the trips, stress test to see how much disposable income you have.

I would do it with our DS. Expecially if it affords you a nicer home as well.

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SpiderinaWingMirror · 06/08/2022 08:57

I would. I would also explore the school nearby as well. My DD moved schools year 4. No issues at all.

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Endlesslypatient82 · 06/08/2022 11:13

Did posters miss the OP’s partner will be in the car doing the school run for 2 hours a day??

how does he feel about it?

do you drive op?

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Endlesslypatient82 · 06/08/2022 11:17

i came across the other property thread you started (I love the Property threads!)

and you post We are 2 mins away from their school just now and going any further than 5-8 miles would be unmanageable. Plus we have 1 car and I will need to get to work 30 miles away a few times a month by public transport which isn't possible in a rural location

So what has changed since then to make it “manageable”

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balalake · 06/08/2022 11:19

I think you should move schools.

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dooneby · 06/08/2022 11:23

@Endlesslypatient82 What has changed is the lack of suitable properties nearby plus this house we're considering will allow my mother-in-law to move in with us and my husband is her full time carer. This house is 13 miles away from where we are so not that much further than my previous max of 8 miles all things considered.

To the PP, yes I drive. I WFH, my husband looks after our children and his Mum. I will be commuting once a fortnight either 40 or 70 miles away for work.

We've realised we need to make big compromises and we're trying to figure out what's best so I'm trying to garner advice from a variety of people to help us make a decision.

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