MiL gave baby first ice cream

[maloney123]

Please let me preface this post by acknowledging that my in laws look after our baby once a week and I’m hugely grateful to them for this. They were desperate to be grandparents (this is their first grandchild) so the arrangement suits us both as they get time with the baby and I get time to catch up on laundry, cleaning etc (I am still on mat leave).

Today my MIL gave our baby her first taste of ice cream (DD is 9 months). I’m not so bothered about the sweet aspect (although we’re not giving her sweets, juice etc as yet) but I feel upset that we didn’t get to give her her first ice cream. I feel like this is a cute milestone moment for a baby and instead of being there I had my MIL describing to me how my daughter reacted to the taste. Previously she has also tried BLW my baby one day after we started weaning her which I was livid about, so we’ve already spoken to her and asked her not to give her new foods without checking in first.

I don’t mind MIL giving “normal” foods but I do feel like something like baby’s first ice cream is a bit special and I feel annoyed and upset that she took this moment away unnecessarily. I don’t think I’m going to say anything about it as I don’t want to appear ungrateful so I guess I’m just venting, feel free to tell me YABU!!

[Letterasaurus]

Be glad that your baby has grandparents who love her and want to spend time looking after her. So what if they get to enjoy a few 'firsts'?
It's unimportant in the scheme if things.

[GatoradeMeBitch]

If you want all the firsts you'll have to have her all the time. She's tiny. She won't remember icecream the next time she has it. Or just give her another flavour.

[Jooode01]

Don’t beat yourself up on the way you feel. It can be hard in the early days leaving your babies even with your loving caring family members. I found it was especially hard with my first. I remember I heard that my dd just loved her first chocolate button aged 1 from my MIL I was aghast! Have a conversation with her, keep things light, laugh at yourself even with her, but you feel the way you feel and that’s that. At the end of the day I guess every taste of ice cream is going to be a big event for your daughter. I say accept your feelings, try to share them in a jokey way with your mil and be open. If it’s too hard to control everything that happens when your baby is with your mil you could ask her to video certain times to share with you? it’s ok to show your vulnerability/ feelings of fomo right now ❤️ You are being normal

[YouCantTourniquetTheTaint]

YABVVU and very much PFB.

It's fucking ice cream fgs, please get a grip.

[Josiewosiewoo1976]

Going against the popular opinion here....I agree with the original post. It's out of order. MIL knows what she's doing by giving baby their first ice cream and bragging about the experience. With in laws it's all about one upmanship. I have 2 boys and if I am ever lucky enough to have grandchildren I will be VERY careful not to pee off my daughter in law with this kind of thing. I would forgoe the help if that was me. You obviously feel bad about missing things and you have therefore answered your own question by making this post.

[Raisedbywolves92]

I am sorry that you feel you missed out on something. That is not a nice feeling. I think it's ok to mention to them not to give juice, or other things you want her to avoid at the moment. You are her parent, you are allowed to feel a little sad when you miss things, especially as a first time Mumma!

[Max14165]

I think the saddest part is that you are alienating your in laws because of an ice cream … you came on here asking AIBU and then basically dissed every comment that said you were ..if you didn’t want the truth why come here ???
If they had had the first word / step / wee in the potty I would have understood but an ice cream ???? Seriously … if you want to experience every single first then you don’t have grand parents as a free child minders

[SatCat]

It is absolutely normal to feel annoyed and I don’t think you are over-reacting at all.

I still remember the indignation I felt when I caught MIL privately offering an After Eight Dinner Mint to my own baby (pre-weaned!)

However the indignation does pass and as other milestones happen, this one will seem less important to you. I made my feelings clear to MIL but this didn't stop her bragging that “baby loves Nanny’s (*insert numerous food items here) the best.

I know it’s hard, but try and let it go - it’s not worth the stress. Your MIL is looking after your baby for you, and so just enjoy that luxury. As others have said here there are many many more milestones and quite frankly your baby will have absolutely no recollection of who it was that gave him/her first, a bit of ice-cream.

Finally, remember that you will be in your child’s life much longer than your MIL :) You have so much to look forward to!

[PlumsInTheIcebox]

It’s time for you to start paying for childcare.

[YorkshireRog]

Oh I feel so sorry for you on this thread. Can totally see why you wanted to see this. (I can’t even cope with missing things with my dog). People have been a bit harsh on you. Try not to take it personally, rather take from it that there will be lots of other firsts and you will see them but the relationship with these in-laws is precious too for a happy, healthy baby and a happy healthy mum. Good luck :-)

[Tilltheend99]

Hey op, my DD is also 9m and was only today thinking about giving her her first taste of ice cream. I will probably wait till 1 year. I’m unashamed to have pbf syndrome and think everyone should enjoy their first baby in their own way. Guarantee all those criticising were the same.

It was a bit cheeky of your pil as they obviously wanted to see her first reaction too otherwise they wouldn’t have made a thing of describing it to you. It’s not a huge deal but like you said, best to keep an eye on it not continuing with juice and stuff.

Our pil were exactly like this with our niece and would give her stuff and say don’t tell your parents etc luckily they are over that for grandchild #3 so we have not had a prob yet touch wood.

Your baby your rules.

[Tiredoftalking]

PFB is - I think - Precious First Born. Because obviously subsequent children are less precious 🤦‍♀️

[LucyBee666]

YABU, count your blessings. We only have to watch the news to put this one in perspective.

[TimBoothseyes]

The first ice-cream may not have been the "cute face" moment you think it is. I have no idea what DD's reaction was when my DM gave it to her. I can tell you what my reaction was though (as I watched the rapidly melting ice-cream land on the pushchair, on DD's clothes, all over her hands which she then smeared into her hair, oh and up her nose as she faceplanted what was left of the stuff), one of despair at the thought of driving an hour and a half home with the smell of stale milk wafting about.

[Tiredoftalking]

When my parents/childminder/friend look after my children their rules go. Also good luck with what they eat/drink, teens really don’t seem to choose food/drink on what they were/weren’t allowed as baby/toddlers.

[BogRollBOGOF]

I missed DS2's first ice cream... as in it was mine and he hijacked it and wolfed it down and I had to buy myself a replacement.

I don't remember DS1's. He'd had CMPA so was about 3 before I tried him. He's never liked it anyway. I remember his first sprouts though. He still lurves sprouts.

[plzjuslemesleep]

YABU. It's not realistic for you to have all the "firsts"- just let your in laws have that moment and relax. Your child will have lots of special moments when you are there, and also when you are not there.

[Duchess379]

I think you're being very precious tbh. It's not like walking or talking. It's ice cream 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Kjpt140v]

You really do sound like a spoilt child and, on top of that you are being rude to contributors. Get over yourself.

[HenrysMammy]

She’s your baby and you naturally want to be there for all of her firsts, in that respect no you’re not being unreasonable.
Having said that, unfortunately it will happen as she’s in their care, they aren’t to know what you will be happy / unhappy about.
I heard my little boy take his first steps with my in laws whilst j was working from home in the other room, it broke my heart - being a working mammy is hard but it makes the firsts you do see so much more special
Have a grump, then do try to let it go - sending big hugs x

[TiptowThroughTheToadstools]

YABU as others have said, its inevitable that you will miss some firsts if you are using any kind of childcare. The fact that you're still on mat leave and choosing to use your MIL for childcare, makes you ever more unreasonable. Plus, it's just ice cream I don't know why it's so important to you, although you've explained your reasoning, it doesn't make any sense to me. Risking your relationship with your MIL over this would be be crazy.

[Lazzaroni]

@TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo

There's a PFB post running at the moment that you would fit right in with 😳

Just what I was thinking!

OP, it's honestly fine. If you have more DC, you'll look back and blush.

[ZoyaTheDestroyer]

Previously she has also tried BLW my baby one day after we started weaning her which I was livid about

BLW is a whole approach. If you mean that she gave your child some finger food then I’m afraid that’s just normal weaning.

[Shell4429]

I don’t even remember giving my kids their first ice cream and I bet you won’t either. It’s not important and you’re being irrational.

[MyCatIsAJerk]

I feel like you’re being irrational, but my mum sobbed over missing picking me up from the airport when I was 18.

It’s hard for me to criticise you, @maloney123, for caring too much — but please be careful not to alienate your in-laws.