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AIBU?

AIBU to say that we are not here to provide tour child's education.

111 replies

Curerofsouls · 20/09/2021 15:12

This was prompted by the homeschooling thread and just reminded me of an email I received from a potential new attendee in our scout group. The parents have been homeschooling their children and appear quite target driven with things they would like the child to learn or cover. The parent sent me their child's learning objectives and asked how we could meet them!
I replied politely and stated that I was unable to go theough his learning objectives but would be happy to send our itinerary for the term so the parents could see. Not a happy camper the parent proceeded to tell me how I should be linking with homeschooling learning objectives. I told them I was not being paid to be a teacher so wouldn't be doing that but child was still welcome to attend. Needless to say he never showed anyway. I was discussing it with a colleague today and she thought I was mean🤣
What do you reckon...mean or not?

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

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TheRebelle · 20/09/2021 15:56

Some people are just nuts! I remember when I was at uni in the holidays a friend of my parents asked me to cover a week while their nanny was on holiday so I turned up with some stories and games to play with the kids (aged 3 and 5) and the mum handed me a pile of work books and told me she expected them to study all day!

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shouldistop · 20/09/2021 15:58

@TheRebelle she expected a 3&5yo to study all day? I take it she didn't spend much time with them? 🤣

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littletinyboxes · 20/09/2021 15:58

YANBU

I also volunteer in scouting and the entitlement of some parents is staggering. Our group is permanently full with a waiting list and we quite often get really stroppy e-mails from parents complaining that we are causing their DC to miss out on essential life skills/excluding them from activities with friends when we can't accommodate them immediately. I particularly like those who have taken the trouble to find the e-mail address of the district commissioner to cc her in too- presumably expecting her to back them up.

Luckily at our group the grateful, nice parents outnumber these entitled arses

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averylongtimeago · 20/09/2021 16:06

We have had several homeschooled girls in our guide group. We don't fit our program around their lessons, but have shared the planned activities so it can be fitted into their lessons.

There is a big difference!

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TheRebelle · 20/09/2021 16:08

[quote shouldistop]@TheRebelle she expected a 3&5yo to study all day? I take it she didn't spend much time with them? 🤣[/quote]
Yes, literally sit and fill in books, we did not do that! I think she was living in another world to be honest, there were “kids” drawings on the fridge with perfectly set out scenes all carefully coloured in and shaded inside the lines that had so clearly been done by the regular nanny, I think the other nanny must’ve just nodded and smiled and gone along with what she wanted. She asked if I wanted to go back the next summer but unfortunately I was “busy”

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IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 20/09/2021 16:11

I take it your colleague has volunteered to do it...

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Droite · 20/09/2021 16:11

If you need to link with their homeschooling learning objectives, then you also need to link with the learning objectives of every school that children in the group attend, and indeed those of any other child who is home educated. If those objectives don't coincide, goodness knows what you're supposed to do. And the bottom line is that you are volunteers so all you have to do is whatever the Scout Association requires.

They should let their unfortunate child attend extra-curricular activities irrespective of whatever the hell their learning objectives are - that in itself will be valuable for the educationally in terms of learning independence skills etc. If they want to know what their child might learn from joining the group, then what you have offered is all the information that they need.

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itsgettingwierd · 20/09/2021 16:15

Of course you're not mean.

Your running a scouts group and meeting the needs of a whole group not ones education!

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TinyTear · 20/09/2021 16:20

wow

AIBU to say that we are not here to provide tour child's education.
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Ionlydomassiveones · 20/09/2021 16:20

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Ionlydomassiveones · 20/09/2021 16:20

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alloalloallo · 20/09/2021 16:21

@averylongtimeago

We have had several homeschooled girls in our guide group. We don't fit our program around their lessons, but have shared the planned activities so it can be fitted into their lessons.

There is a big difference!

DH used to be a scout leader and used to do the same if asked.

He would share the planner for the term and it was up to HE parents to work round the plan. Not the other way around.

He dealt with some pretty entitled parents, but I don’t think there was ever one quite that entitled.

Not mean at all.
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ScaredOfDinosaurs · 20/09/2021 16:22

CFery at its finest. Well played, OP.

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Returnoftheowl · 20/09/2021 16:26

I used to be a scout leader... The entitled parents were too much for me, so I gave it up.

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RavenclawesomeCrone · 20/09/2021 16:29

I run Rainbows and Guides. A while ago I had a similar family - home educated little girl, they wanted all the information about our "curriculum" (their words). I showed them a draft programme for the term (draft because it can change based in what the girls choose to do) - they thought we'd be able to provide something more detailed. Also requested we didn't play game A because she didn't like running. Requested we didn't play game B becuase she was upset she didn't win. Requested we didn't give standard snacks (only gluten free- due to a mild intolerance NOT a true coeliac. We brought in gluten free snacks for the child herself). Refused to stop sending nuts as snack for child even though my Young Leader is highly allergic and carries an epipen. Insisted grandma stayed for the session to make sure she was enjoying it. It was such hard work. They didn't stay long. I felt bad for the little girl, she was lovely, and after a few weeks was beginning to make some friends and join in. They pulled her out as it was too "active" for her.

I also have a HE Guide (aged 12), lovely girl, very social, parents can't do enough to help and thank us after every single session. Never ask for anything extra.

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EmeraldRaine · 20/09/2021 16:29

What is the point of Scouts etc if it's not educational though?

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3scape · 20/09/2021 16:30

You were very accommodating and reasonable. Their expectations were batshit!

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cookingisoverrated · 20/09/2021 16:32

I'm no longer surprised at the sense of entitlement so many CF parents have of other people's time and efforts.

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3scape · 20/09/2021 16:32

@EmeraldRaine
Friendship; confidence; independence and teamwork. Useful life skills stuff. But they're not there to educate.

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MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 20/09/2021 16:35

Jeez, you've dodged a bullet there. Poor kid with those parents, though.

As for your colleague who thinks you're being mean - I'm afraid she is heading for burnout. There are some people who will take and take until they break you. I'm afraid she is going to learn that the hard way.

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BiddyPop · 20/09/2021 16:36

Scouting is a learning and development organisation. But an INFORMAL version of this. Run by volunteers.

So while there will be an objective to touch on all aspects of the programme during the course of the year (in Ireland it is the SPICES - Social, Physical, Intellectual, Culture (or Character?), Emotional and Spiritual) - it is done by drawing elements into the programme.

The KIDS set the programme - through the Sixers Council or just the entire Group having discussions with the Leaders. (As they move up from Beavers to Cubs to Scouts, they get more say in the programme, and greater levels of responsibility to organise it too). So it is not set in stone at the beginning of the year like a school curriculum would be. So that the Youth Members can have a say, and so that we can take advantage of opportunities that pop up (whether an event we can join in with, a chance to visit the local emergency services, a parent or another contact offers to run a really fun event they are skilled at, the weather being great allowing more outdoor activities etc) AND make changes based on other things that happen and affect us (such as weather which is so rubbish that we have to cancel a meeting altogether, or things like Covid stopping all meetings in person, or something like a Leader not being available for a period so big things stop and we go back to more basic plans if we can still meet to manage the gap).

It is run by VOLUNTEERS, who are not paid.

And it is as much about having fun and developing young people in a less structured way as it is about learning specifics. Not everyone is adventurous, but less adventurous Scouts often still have a great time gaining independence and lots of different skills, making friends for life, and having some adventures within their comfort level but sometimes being the designated photographer or "carrier of the water bottle to wash bog out of Cubs' eyes" instead of jumping into boggy muddy gloop with the rest of them. We have had people who love adventure but need an hour quiet time to read to recover themselves. We have had quiet people who are great at story telling or singing/playing music at campfire. We've had boisterous boys who cause chaos everywhere being the person who will spot someone who is upset and listen to their fears/worries and cheer them up. We've had quiet girls who are very good at seeing how things could be done better and stepping in to tell the boys what to do. We have people with physical or mental disabilities who push themselves to their limits and participate in different ways but still get involved and have a great time.

We can't allow each of those types to have something that suits them and to make friends and enjoy their time in Scouts if we are following a rigid programme.

So yes, there are learning objectives that we work towards. But they are quite general in nature for the Group as a whole. They are not specific to any 1 youth member - there are risk assessments and arrangements that may be specific to 1 YM, but the objective is for everyone to enjoy themselves and achieve what they can individually and as a group. Some of that is learning new skills, some is dealing with emotions and "soft skills", and quite often (realistically) some of that is babysitting.

But while I will accept a lot of different things in potential new Youth Members, as a Scout Leader, I would have laughed in that parent's face.

(OK, not quite laughed in their face, we are too diplomatic for that. But I would have pushed back gently but very firmly that this is not what Scouts is about and that it is an INformal learning organisation).

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PermanentTemporary · 20/09/2021 16:37

Scouts and other non school activities are educational. Just not necessarily according to a fixed curriculum.

I was a Woodcraft Folk leader for a few years and the big thing the parents wanted was time outside. The overall ethos is about cooperative working.

Apart from anything else, it's the children who make it work and hopefully make choices on what they do. Home educating parents should be the first to get that really.

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Ionlydomassiveones · 20/09/2021 16:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

waybill · 20/09/2021 16:40

@EmeraldRaine

What is the point of Scouts etc if it's not educational though?

You could say that about any activity or hobby though.

What's the point? Having fun and enjoying yourself, making friends and doing things you'd never get the chance to do otherwise.
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LadyCatStark · 20/09/2021 16:41

@EmeraldRaine

What is the point of Scouts etc if it's not educational though?

It is educational; team work, friendships, sports, all sorts of different badges… fun! But it doesn’t require learning objectives and it certainly doesn’t require all activities to be tailored to one particular child’s learning objectives! The volunteers are not teachers either (although some might be).
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