Second date fucking weird

[seconddateshithead]

Is this just me?!

Just went for a lovely second date with a guy from old. All good. Doesn't seem crazy or obsessed with ex.

His phone keeps pinging throughout our meal from his friend. Asking how the date is etc

He keeps saying oh I should turn this off. But he doesn't. He replies each bloody time.

End of meal. I'm thinking nice walk. Maybe chill on the terrace.

Oh my friend has asked if she can meet you. Really. It's a second date. I want to get to know you not your pissed up mates.

We walk home. But oh the bar is on the way. I say don't you just want to go home? He says oh we could just stop for one.

We get there and the barmaid brings over a drink for him. So they knew he was coming cos he'd said yes. (I get nothing cos I'm an afterthought obviously...)

I'm sure they're all lovely. But they're out celebrating with shots etc. I wanted a date with one person. Is this just weird?!

[BudrosBudrosGalli]

Would have been tempted to steal the dog and run off...

[seconddateshithead]

@Tal45

I'd just explain the situation from your point of view and explain what you were hoping for. Then I'd give him another couple of dates to see if he listens - and to see Parker again. I wouldn't take what he said about Parker as emotional blackmail though, I think that's reading too much into it.

I have explained it. He doesn't get it. He thinks it's perfectly normal to introduce second dates to his pissed up mates.

There are lots of niggly things about him that concerned me (lying about his age, lying about smoking and apparently dating anyone nearby/who asks/who likes his dog)

He struck me as being emotionally quite immature. I don't have the time to hand hold him through relationship 101.

The dog thing annoyed me. It was definitely used to play on my heart strings. I have a low tolerance for that kind of shit

[Tal45]

I'd just explain the situation from your point of view and explain what you were hoping for. Then I'd give him another couple of dates to see if he listens - and to see Parker again. I wouldn't take what he said about Parker as emotional blackmail though, I think that's reading too much into it.

[VeganCow]

If he appeared otherwise normal I would have had it out with him and asked him what he was playing at. But I don't suffer fools

[Seesawmummadaw]

He has no manners. You can do better.

[Polkadots2021]

@seconddateshithead

Is this just me?!

Just went for a lovely second date with a guy from old. All good. Doesn't seem crazy or obsessed with ex.

His phone keeps pinging throughout our meal from his friend. Asking how the date is etc

He keeps saying oh I should turn this off. But he doesn't. He replies each bloody time.

End of meal. I'm thinking nice walk. Maybe chill on the terrace.

Oh my friend has asked if she can meet you. Really. It's a second date. I want to get to know you not your pissed up mates.

We walk home. But oh the bar is on the way. I say don't you just want to go home? He says oh we could just stop for one.

We get there and the barmaid brings over a drink for him. So they knew he was coming cos he'd said yes. (I get nothing cos I'm an afterthought obviously...)

I'm sure they're all lovely. But they're out celebrating with shots etc. I wanted a date with one person. Is this just weird?!

I personally wouldn't see him again as he has terrible manners and when you turned up there was no drink for you. That'd be a 100% deal-breaker for me.

[Blindleadingtheblind]

Eurgh what a creep! I'd text him and tell him his manners are substandard and texting at the dinner table is just plain fucking rude and ar his age he ought to know better. Then block the twat and thank your lucky stars.

[TimeForTeaAndG]

Debriefs are done with friends, not the date. Anything he has bought for you is unimportant to retrieve when you want to go home.

He sounds terrible. I agree with PP saying he wanted to show you off to this friend for some reason, probably cos he fancies her and she's not interested.

Don't even bother replying to his message. He doesn't get it. I'm sure even if you spelled it out to him he wouldn't. Don't put in the emotional labour for a man who can't even have his full attention on you.

[tara66]

Sounds like he does not know how to behave on a second date or at any social event that is not involving his mates. Just bad manners. Also immature for his age - why did he lie about that?

[seconddateshithead]

I forgot this was aibu...

To answer a few questions. I'm 41. I'm not particularly fussed about age. He only told me because on our first date we were talking about 'nightmare' dates and I told him about a guy who had shaved off 10 years on his profile.

I didn't leave anything at his. He had bought me some flowers (I hate flowers) plus I kind of wanted to debrief what just happened but I was too dumb founded.

Why didn't I speak up when he was texting? I did! I asked who was texting and was it important. Every time. I probably could have been more forceful but I expect normal people to get the hint. He explained it as 'she's just nosy'. Which pissed me off as what she wants/feels was more important than our date.

Why didn't I leave when we got the bar and he had a drink and I didn't? I thought we might just say hello which was bearable. But when his drink came over and it was apparent he was staying he asked if I wanted anything and I said no I was going. I said he could stay to finish his drink (possibly with a tinkly laugh) but it got very awkward... and that's when I think he realised.

Why did I go to his? Yes probably not the wisest move. I had a couple of friends on standby who knew where I was and I was sharing my location with and I'd found his details on companies house. So I knew his real identity. To be honest if I hadn't been driving (and therefore sober) I wouldn't have. I've felt far more vulnerable after a few drinks in town than I have sober. But I take that on board.

I did text him that to be with his friends suggests he just wasn't that interested. He has replied that he was very interested. It was only meant to be a hello drink (!) so he still doesn't get it.

I've been Googling dog breeds.

[Fiddliestofsticks]

Why did you go on a second date with him? The first thing you learned about him was that he's a liar.

Why did you leave stuff in his house?

Why, when you went to get the stuff, did you get comfy on the sofa so the dog could sit in your lap? Couldn't you just take your stuff and go?

This is all very strange.

[KingdomScrolls]

Early twenties late teens I would've been up for meeting his friends, going to a pub/club etc, over 25 no way and 56!!! FFS

[Lovemusic33]

Sounds like he was looking for a trophy girl friend to show of to his mates rather than a meaningful relationship. No wonder he is single. I have been on loads of weird dates and have come to the conclusion that most people on OLD are there for a very good reason 🤣

[ItPearl]

There may have been a woman in the pub he wanted to see you, or not you specifically but a message, look, I can pull a younger woman so take notice.

It just sounds so bizarre, dragging you on his stage / pub when he isn't even in that enthralled with you frame of mind.

[saraclara]

"sorry, but you lied about your age, and you spent our date messaging your friends. I'd date Parker though"

[whatkindofdaughter]

It's honestly not worth asking the question OP because the answer is so glaringly obvious.

he's not for you.

But do take a closer look at your own safety when meeting guys you have met online and hardly know.

[TheSockMonster]

I agree with the PP who said he wants a woman who will sit next to him in the pub every night whilst he drinks with his mates.

If this is not the sort of relationship you are after, drop him.

[Rainbowqueeen]

Don’t tell him what he did wrong OP. He’s old enough to know better
Let him continue to make the same stupid mistakes over and over so no other women is fooled by him.
Yuck

[whatkindofdaughter]

@BorderlineHappy

Why, given this was only your second date, did you leave stuff at his house which you later had to retrieve?

Surely the first rule of dating a man you barely know is the ability to make a quick clean getaway in case things don't work out?

I was coming on just to say this.
So *@seconddateshithead* what did you drop off that needed to be retrieved.

Maybe a coat? But that could have been left in her car.

It makes me understand she went into his house at the start of the date, having only met him once before.

Love to know the age of the OP.

And to the PP who said not all men are rapists, that's true.
But some men can apply pressure that's unwanted, that stops far short of rape, and unless you have a crystal ball, you simply can't know who the good guys and the bad guys are.

[BorderlineHappy]

Why, given this was only your second date, did you leave stuff at his house which you later had to retrieve?

Surely the first rule of dating a man you barely know is the ability to make a quick clean getaway in case things don't work out?

I was coming on just to say this.
So @seconddateshithead what did you drop off that needed to be retrieved.

[Thefirsttime]

@VodselForDinner

Oh my friend has asked if she can meet you

He doesn’t want to date you, or anyone but this woman. He just wants someone to make her jealous.

He used you.

^^ this. I was going to say exactly this and also

Just went for a lovely second date with a guy from old. none of the date sounded very lovely to me. If that’s your idea of a lovely date you need to raise your standards.

[Pedalpushers]

Im going to assume that his friends arranged a night out when he already had plans with you, he had fomo and the messages were all actually about how the night was going for them and how soon he could get away. I don't think he had any intention of prioritising you that evening.

[Shehasadiamondinthesky]

56!!! Oody hell I was assuming early 20,s. Id dump this penis right off.

[crimsonlake]

Tbh first or second date I would not be visiting someones flat, let alone being in a car with him. Does he know where you live,you need to put safety first.

[FlowerArranger]

So many things about this tale don't make sense to me...

Why, given this was only your second date, did you leave stuff at his house which you later had to retrieve?
Surely the first rule of dating a man you barely know is the ability to make a quick clean getaway in case things don't work out?
Not to mention the safety concerns about going to the house of a man you don't actually know!!

Secondly, why didn't you speak up when he kept answering those bloody texts?
And why did you stay when he didn't offer you a drink at the bar and instead seemed to be entirely focused on showing you off?

Sometimes women are just too bloody nice and accommodating!!
In the nicest possible way (as they say on MN...), OP needs to grow a pair.