To want to stay part time

[Firsttimemummy33]

Currently work three days a week, have two primary aged children. I’ve been offered a new job which is full time and it’s a job I’d really like. I have been coasting since having the children and am not really enjoying my job that much anymore. The new job is closer to home, more senior and more money but would mean working 5 days a week. I really enjoy having two days a week to myself at the minute and also the thought of not doing the school run which I couldn’t do very often in the new job is upset me! I really want this job but am scared to commit to full time work again. We could do with the extra money, am I being silly and lazy to be close to refusing because I want to stay part time?

[FeelinHappy]

Things are a bit weird still with covid but 3 days pw will give all of you a better work life balance. Having 1 parent 3 days PT really changes the holidays in particular I think - our children ended up doing very little holiday club rather than FT hol club for several weeks a year. Plus things like playdates and after school hobbies are easier and therefore more numerous. I can't believe people are calling you lazy for working less than FT!

However beware of "rusting out" in your current role. A change can be hugely helpful in keeping you engaged with work and your brain switched on.

[gollymissdolly]

There's nothing wrong or lazy about doing part time hours if you can financially afford to do so.
I went back to work part time when DC were 5 and 2.
I never went back full time even when DC were older as my parents had serious health issues and I became their carer. I couldn't work full time and care for my parents.
Everybody's circumstances are different and what we would like to do and what is actually practical are not necessarily the same.

[ThornAmongstRoses]

I’m with you OP.

I currently work part time and have a 3 year old and a 7 year old.

My husband likes to make light hearted references about me going back to full time work once the youngest is in school. I won’t be though

I wouldn’t be prepared to sacrifice the extra time I get with my children in order to earn more money that we don’t really need for anything.

It’s different though if you need the money so I guess this is something you need to factor in to the decision.

[GintyMcGinty]

No harm at all in asking new employer if they will consider part time / flexible working.

I'm an employer and we get asked all the time and most of the time we agree. I would much rather have the right person 3 days a week than the wrong person 5 days.

The worst they can do is say no.

[Poptart4]

2 years ago I went full time and lasted 2 months. Honestly it was exhausting. I was out the door at 7am every morning. Back at half 5 in the evening with no time to relax because I had to jump straight into making the dinner, then helping with homework, bringing the kids to whatever activity they had, getting them ready for bed. Weekends were spent catching up on the heavy cleaning I didn't have time to do during the week.

I also felt very guilty for not being around for the kids more. I hardly saw them anymore and when I did I was rushing from one thing to another.

I went back to 3 days per week and will be staying that way until my children are older. 3 days give me the perfect work-life balance. We could do with more money but we are fine as we are for a few more years. Certainly not going to starve.

You'll have alot of people on here telling you to go full time because MN seems to be very career driven. But you have to do what is best for you and your family. Only you can decide what that is.

[DungeonKeeper]

@DungeonKeeper But OPs first post says they could do with the extra money

Ah I missed that bit.

Having the extra money is lovely of course but then surely the workload/mental load, chores etc has to then be discussed. As too often women start working full time or increase their hours but are still doing everything else they were doing before as well.

[purplemunkey]

I agree with others saying ask about a 4 day week. I went from 3 days to 4 days this way. Applied for a full time job, asked about a 4 days week. I ended up doing condensed hours, so 4.5 days over 4 days (extra hour each day). This meant I was on 90% salary and I had a day to myself.

[Oblomov21]

Could you ask if they'd consider a 4 day week.

A 4 day week is the objective for many firms such as Google and Microsoft, who have already implemented this in NZ. And Japan.

[greyinganddecaying]

It depends on so many things:

• how much more money you'll get once you factor in the cost of wrap around care, getting a cleaner/gardener/other outsourced jobs. Sometimes the gain is so small that it's not worth turning everything upside down for it
• who's going to do the jobs you currently do that can't be outsourced (family admin etc, preparing/cooking meals etc). If you try to continue doing these jobs and work full time, you'll be exhausted.

I completely identify with you about work post-kids. I felt pretty stuck where I was and wasn't enjoying it. I found another job that agreed that I could work 4 days a week and it's been great. More money and better job satisfaction for a start.

Although I agree that you need to consider long term financial things such as pension contributions, you also need to have a decent work life balance.

[PerveenMistry]

Do you currently have a large cushion of emergency savings, and decent retirement savings already? Those are factors to consider.

Living hand-to-mouth for the preschool years is ok but beyond that, straining finances just so no one has to clean or grocery shop on weekends seems a bit misguided. You don't get these earning years back once they are gone.

[TakeYourFinalPosition]

@DungeonKeeper But OPs first post says they could do with the extra money...

I’m with you that if it works for everyone and it’s all agreed and comfortable, part time hours are fine, but I couldn’t do it knowing I was making things tight... it just feels like that’d breed stress and resentment all round.

And I’d never be doing everything at home. I’d do more if I was home more, but not everything.

[Whenwillitmakesense]

I would do part time. I have just gone back to full time and its hard to keep up with all the things that need done at home, family life etc. We spend all weekend doing chores etc. So our family life is no where near as good as it used to be

[DungeonKeeper]

Well if you’re married you get some sort of life insurance pay out and your husbands pension I imagine. Surely the ‘burden’ and family dynamic would be discussed before one half went part time.

[PerveenMistry]

I don't think it's fair to burden one's partner with being the main breadwinner perpetually.

Also, relationship break ups, widowhood, disability can happen without warning. Then what?

[Chasingsquirrels]

Some of these replies have made me laugh, I want part time when I went back after maternity leave for my now 18yo. I have been part time ever since and am never working full time again if I don't need to.

[DungeonKeeper]

For now, you owe it to your family and your pension to work full-time

Rubbish. It’s about work life balance. If you can afford it why would you not work part time? I work 3 days a week and enjoy being able to take my children to a school, having the flexibility to attend assemblies, sports days etc. On days off I do the chores/food shop so we get to spend time as a family on the weekend. I owe that to my family.

[CalamityJaneDoe]

A pension is all well and good but personally I think a life that’s worth living is more important. If you go for it, make sure you’re having a good time

[frifrifri]

I can't believe you are getting such grief for considering putting your families quality of life higher than career/financial reward. There is a lot to be said for remaining a happy family and if you think the extra money and work will add too much stress and make you all miserable then that is something to consider in your decision making.

[TillyTopper]

I literally do everything at home which would need to change if I was working full time

Have you already negotiated this with your DH? Otherwise you need to do this first before losing your 2 days a week.

[VegCheeseandCrackers]

Are you in the UK? I believe that after six months if you want to apply for flexible working it has to be considered so could you find out if there would be a possibility of changing your hours once you start?

[PinkiOcelot]

Jesus it’s hardly lazy and selfish to want to stay part time!!
I worked pt until mine were both in secondary. I’ve worked ft now for 5 years. I work longer hours Monday to Thursday and have half day Friday. It’s great for appointments etc and doesn’t feel so much like ft. Could you do something like that?
I would take the job but obviously you couldn’t do everything in the house as you do now.

[iwantadogdhdoesnt]

Contrary to what most other people have said I'd stay PT if you can whilst your kids are primary age. I have friends who work full time (when the other parent does too) and all they ever do is rush around dropping off and picking up from childcare and desperately waiting for the weekend so they can all spend some time together

[Misty9]

I think if you can afford it I'd ask if they'd consider 4 days. I'm a single parent and work 4 days and I have friends who work flexi/4 days in a couple (with dc). I think work life balance is really important and that one day a week is invaluable to do all my appointments, errands etc, and have a bit of time to just breathe!

[worrybutterfly]

I'd see if they'd accept 4 days a week and get a cleaner with some of the extra money.

You're not enjoying your current job, the new one is nearer to home and more money.

Unless the hours each day are significantly longer than in your current role, you'd not be loosing much time with your DC.

[minniemomo]

If you were full time you could afford a cleaner etc! Is that good incentive. I found a lady who would collect my kids twice a week and clean, even cooked a meal for us all - highly recommend