I would have a different child?

[AugustMummyxo]

Saturday afternoon boredom sending me a little crazy....

Just thinking if you and OH had sex an hour/minutes/even seconds later and conceived would the baby be a completely different one to the one you got

We have a DS but if OH had stayed in the shower just a minute longer that fateful day I could potentially have DD a completely different child if the winning sperm was released at a different time.

Crackers I know, is this a thing?

[Stopcollaborateandlisten77]

It is really strange.
I had an emergency ectopic eight years ago and lost my right tube, consequently struggled to conceive after that and went through years of ivf until we had our miracle Dd, two and a half years ago.
I feel very sad for our first loss and wonder who that child may have been, but on the other side, our Dd wouldn’t be here as we most likely wouldn’t have needed to have fertility treatment or may have stopped at one etc etc...all crazy when you think about it.
We also have two embryos left frozen and it blows my mind to think about what a previous poster said about ivf embryos.

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

@fiddlerstune

Name changed for this.
My parents always said that they hoped for a wonderful child but instead they had me. After they had both died I was going through some papers and found my mother's records from the hospital when she had me. She had lost a baby at a late stage of pregnancy 6 months before she got pregnant with me. Now I know why they said that. Their life would have been much better with my older sibling because I didn't make them happy.

That’s heartbreaking to read! This is why I worry about people obsessing over ‘rainbow’ babies. It’s a huge amount of pressure on the child to fill the void.

[RatsolutelyFabulous]

Although I don’t have my own children. Me and my older brother of 4 years, we may aswell have been born twins. I literally am him but with women’s bits and long hair!
Same for my best friend and her older brother of 4 years. Pretty much identical and same in terms of personality.

Weirdly enough, my brothers eldest son and middle daughter are literally the spitting of me and him. So much so, to the point I went through old photo albums at my mams and pulled a picture out of what I thought was my nephew and niece for it to actually be me and my brother as bairns. Sent it to the family and all of them said awwww isn’t that a lovely picture of niece and nephew! Blows my mind!

His 3rd and final daughter, although she has the exact same hair colour as me and him (it is unusual) looks nothing like me or my brother, or my eldest niece and nephew, it’s mad when you think about it all.

[SleepingStandingUp]

@FolkSongSweet

I also like to think that as every girl is born with all the eggs she’ll ever have, the eggs that grew into my children developed when I was in my mother’s womb. So they’ve (at least partially!) been part of her body too. And I’ve been part of my grandmother’s! Weird.

This is why I'm so sad I have boys

[Muddywellies10]

Robert Frost had it right... 'Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.'
So much chance and tiny decisions influencing our lives.

[SleepingStandingUp]

@fiddlerstune

Name changed for this.
My parents always said that they hoped for a wonderful child but instead they had me. After they had both died I was going through some papers and found my mother's records from the hospital when she had me. She had lost a baby at a late stage of pregnancy 6 months before she got pregnant with me. Now I know why they said that. Their life would have been much better with my older sibling because I didn't make them happy.

I'm so sorry @fiddlerstune it sounds like they never got over their grief. That isn't on you, or a reflection of your worth

[Souther]

I thought about this too. Alternative choice in life, if my life had been different.
I've had some losses and sometimes think about what my life would be like if I hadn't.
I wouldn't have the kids I have now. I love them a lot. But then again just as I love the kids i have now, I'm sure I'd love any other kids that would have been born instead. So the two or three kids I missed out on I would love as much as I do my current kids.
I wouldn't be without my kids I love them a lot.
So even if I wouldn't have the kids I have now I would instead have other kids that I know I would love just as much.
The love you have for your kids comes from you. Any kids you have instead you would love just as much.

[Souther]

@fiddlerstune

Name changed for this.
My parents always said that they hoped for a wonderful child but instead they had me. After they had both died I was going through some papers and found my mother's records from the hospital when she had me. She had lost a baby at a late stage of pregnancy 6 months before she got pregnant with me. Now I know why they said that. Their life would have been much better with my older sibling because I didn't make them happy.

They said this to you.
But from their actions I assume they would have said the same to any child of theirs even if they hadn't lost the child.
You were not responsible for making them happy. It had to come from themselves.

[ItsAllComingBackToMeNow]

I really don’t like to think too much about this. DC2 was a happy accident, we weren’t trying, so it seems even more fragile that they arrived here at all.

[ItsAllComingBackToMeNow]

@fiddlerstune

No, they wouldn’t have been more happy with your older sibling. For many, if not most people, their experience would have made them realise how precious you are.

It wasn’t you.

[garlictwist]

I think about this when I see the radford family. 22 kids from the same parents and all of them totally different people.

[indemMUND]

@Conkergame

My best friend was only born because her mum had a miscarriage with her previous pregnancy (4th child). I know it sounds awful but I’m so grateful that miscarriage happened as I couldn’t be without my best friend, she’s an absolute gem!

But yes it blows my mind!

Sorry, but that's a fucked up thing to think, let alone say. You can be glad that you have your best friend without also being glad that her mother had a miscarriage...

[SleepingStandingUp]

@tinylittleyou

I saw in the paper a gay male couple who had some ivf babies, they had identical twin embryos frozen, had a baby with one embryo then used the other frozen embryo years later for another baby. So identical twins years apart, I’d find it really weird if essentially my clone was born whilst I was older

I assumed they froze them too early for division to have occurred hence the people who have one egg implanted and end up with twins?

[shamalidacdak]

Not once in my entire life have I considered this issue

[DamnYouAutoCatRectal]

I should have had a baby Nov 2018, but sadly miscarried. I sometimes think if I'd had that baby I'd have had all my maternity leave before covid, which would have been preferable to spending some of it in lockdown, but I would have a child who wasn't DD, so I wouldn't change a thing even if I could.

[SleepingStandingUp]

@shamalidacdak

Not once in my entire life have I considered this issue

Until now....

[SleepingStandingUp]

My best friend was only born because her mum had a miscarriage with her previous pregnancy (4th child). I know it sounds awful but I’m so grateful that miscarriage happened as I couldn’t be without my best friend, she’s an absolute gem! Oh well so long as YOU benefitted from her parents going through that then who cares. Jesus, never share this sentiment with her.

[SenecaTrewe]

I sometimes look at DH's ball area (now there's a sentence I never thought I'd write...) and think "half of DD used to be in there".

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

@Conkergame

My best friend was only born because her mum had a miscarriage with her previous pregnancy (4th child). I know it sounds awful but I’m so grateful that miscarriage happened as I couldn’t be without my best friend, she’s an absolute gem!

But yes it blows my mind!

My DD2 wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t had a miscarriage. I am NOT grateful for that miscarriage because it was a year of heartache and depression for me. I am so grateful to have my DD2 though.

[7catsandcounting]

If your mum's mum's mum's mum's mum's mum's mum's mum's mum's mum's mum's mum's mum and dad had had sex an hour before, you wouldn't be reading this. Allllllllll the way back to when we were fishy things or birds or squirrels or whatever we were.

[thelightishere]

Never thought of this - but I love it.

Shows how special our children are

[Alicesweewonders]

Such an interesting thread and something I've also thought about, but thought I was mad lol

I remember thinking, if not anything else, I've at least won the race of life.

[I was the winning sperm.

[wintertime6]

@AugustMummyxo this is weird but I was having the exact same discussion with myself in my head yesterday! I'm not even sure what triggered it.

I was trying to comprehend if it would be the same child but just in a different body if you know what I mean e.g. different hair colour and looks, but the same child inside with the same personality.

Glad to know someone else's mind works similar to mine!

[EachBleachBlairTrump]

I fell pregnant very quickly after coming off the pill despite being told I didn't ovulate and would need fertility treatment. I was part way through a really important secondment involving a lot of travel and had to cut it short, it also means DH and I were only married two months before I was pregnant so didn't get the whole newly wed just us time. I slightly regret that sometimes, I maybe would've waited six months if I'd known it would happen so quickly, but then I think of exactly this, if we'd waited we'd have a child who I'm sure we'd think was amazing, but he or she wouldn't be our DS, who is just the best thing in my life, he's smart, funny, very loving and has such an individual personality even at two. I wouldn't change him for anything, so it must be right it all happened the way it did.

[SleepingStandingUp]

@thelightishere

Never thought of this - but I love it.

Shows how special our children are

And us