I don't think I'm not getting paid back, possible CF story.

[HarleyQuinn21]

Hi all,

I think I may have encountered a CF but I'm not entirely sure so I'm wondering if I'm being unreasonable to think I won't be paid back.

My dad's really unwell at the moment, it's a really difficult time (I've posted about it before) and a girl I used to work with about 6 years ago messaged me about it and we had a brief conversation and that was it, this was about a week ago and today she asked me how my dad was so I explained and she was like oh I'm sorry I had similar with my dad and then about an hour later she messaged me to say "sorry to bother you but can I borrow £30, I'm in a tight spot and I'll pay you back on Friday" I was a bit taken back as I haven't seen her or really spoken to her in the 6 years but I know she works in retail and it's been a bit of a shit year for everyone and thought you'd probably have to be desperate to ask someone you didn't know so I agreed to lend her the money (I have trouble saying no) so I sent her the money and then she sent a message saying "couldn't make it £40, could you?" ... From this I don't think she's gonna pay me back and I might probably get blocked on Friday haha but it just felt really cheeky asking for some more money straight after, I said no and said I only had the £30 spare. I know it's my fault for lending it her in the first place but who knows maybe she will pay me back but my husband said it sounds like she's taken advantage knowing I'm in a vulnerable place and I hope that isn't the case but I'll suppose we'll see ... Anyone wanna share their CF stories to make me feel better and less gulible?

[Beancounter1]

Did you actually speak to her or was it all by text/message? Maybe phone her on a number you know is definitely her, and speak to her to check it was her, not a scam. You may have sent the £30 to a scammer's bank.

[ilikebungalows]

I doubt you will get it back, please don't lend her any more. Years ago I got a phone call from a friend who I wasn't so sure was a real friend anymore but we chatted away for ages. Just as I was thinking that it was just like old times and maybe she was a real friend after all she asked me to lend her some money. At that point I realised I was just being 'softened up' before the request for money. I felt a bit stupid, not to mention hurt. I did lend her the money and she did pay me back but I cut her out of my life after that.

[islockdownoveryet]

As people always say never lend what you can’t afford . If it was me I’d be like you and be a bit taken back that someone I’d not seen much of had asked to borrow money but I’d give the benefit of the doubt and think maybe desperate .
I don’t like lending anyone money but I’d do it if asked as a one off .

[HarleyQuinn21]

She actually paid me back! Wasn't expecting it at all but like pp said she'll probably ask again next month but I won't be a push over and I'll say no!

[Tureen]

Not what you asked, OP, and pleased you were repaid, but why would you even consider lending money to an ex-colleague you hadn’t even seen in six years? I would find that an incredibly weird request.

[HarleyQuinn21]

@Tureen

Not what you asked, OP, and pleased you were repaid, but why would you even consider lending money to an ex-colleague you hadn’t even seen in six years? I would find that an incredibly weird request.

I honestly have no idea, we were talking about my dad being at end of life and her dad passing away and I'm sleep deprived from having a new born and I think I was just feeling a bit vulnerable and didn't want to upset her, it's not something I'd usually do but then felt like she must be desperate and knows she works in retail and hasn't been at work for a little bit - I'm a bit of a push over but at least she did pay me back

[Tureen]

Sorry you’re losing your dad, @HarleyQuinn21.

[custardbear]

Hi OP
Congratulations on your newborn but sorry about your dad, my mum died when mr youngest was 3 months and in a way it gave me pease she knew about the new child before she went, snd we had time to say goodbye - my heart goes out to you.

Try not to be too pleased she's paid you back, she may be setting the scene that she's 'trustworthy' and sucker you into lending more, tell her you have a new baby so you're on less money so can't really afford any further lending

She's contacted you after 6 years as she can't borrow from anyone else I'd suspect, I was in a similar situation with a workman when he was doing what should have been a two week job, not finished by 5 weeks, then didn't show up, few weeks later phoned and apologised then said can I have &30 in advance for fuel, but apparently his car broke down that day after getting g fuel so didn't turn up anyway. Another time a week or so later he borrowed £40 off our joint friend who was project managing our job to come over, measured a door, was literally in the house 5 minutes and never saw him again - luckily we weren't out of pocket but he's been tapping my friend still for £30 regularly! What is it with£30??

[custardbear]

*peace

[daisychain01]

@notanothertakeaway

You were kind and generous. Don't beat yourself up. But I would write it off, and not expect to hear from her again

Kind and generous is fine if it's someone you know and have at least had recent contact with. Or if it's a donation to charity or a cause or sponsorship where you have no intention of getting the money back.

It isn't kind and generous to give money to someone who you haven't seen in 6 years and think you're going to be repaid. It is giving your hard earned cash to a chancer. That's bonkers! Do yourself a favour and say to yourself I'm never doing that again and stick to trustworthy people and organisations.

[OnlyJoking1]

I’d be tempted to set the scene of you needing to borrow £100, should stop them trying to tap you up for more money.

[Porridgeoat]

This is entirely your fault. She’s a chancer yes but you need to take full responsibility for your choices. So the question is will you ask for your cash and what will will you say next time there’s a request. You hold the cash, it’s nobodies decision but yours

[Porridgeoat]

Generosity with a good friend or charitable cause is kind but I would t expect the cash back in either of these situations. A random loan to an ex work colleague who might be taking the piss is something that needs thought

[honeylulu]

I'm glad you got it back OP but I am old and cynical and think this might be a long game. She may borrow small amounts a couple of times and repay you promptly to lull you into a false sense of security. Then she'll ask for a large sum, you give it to her thinking "well she always repays it" ... and you won't see her for dust.

On a more general note it does seem extremely common for people to ask to "borrow" money but have no intention of paying it back. My husband's siblings are like this. They get all indignant and self-righteous when asked to repay because finding the money is a hardship for them and they think because my husband is better off than them he doesn't "need" it back and is selfish for asking. It annoys me a lot. Why pretty it up by saying "borrow"? Why not just ask nicely for a gift of some cash ? It would be so much more honest.

[Sapho47]

"thought you'd probably have to be desperate to ask someone you didn't know"


Its easier to not pay someone back who you don't really have contact with anyway.

[Goatbriar]

@Porridgeoat

This is entirely your fault. She’s a chancer yes but you need to take full responsibility for your choices. So the question is will you ask for your cash and what will will you say next time there’s a request. You hold the cash, it’s nobodies decision but yours

@Porridgeoat, read the full thread. The OP has already been repaid, and her dad is in end of life care. There’s no need to put the boot in.

[Cottagepieandpeas]

Glad you got it back but try not to do it again.

A similar thing happened to me years ago. I was a young lone parent and new in the village. A woman called round to ‘welcome’ me, said she lived round the corner. I invited her in for a cup of tea and she ended up asking for a loan - probably £20 or £30 I can’t remember, but this was 30 years ago and I was very short of money so a lot to me.

I just didn’t have the confidence to say no and she convinced me that she would pay it back. I never saw her again, even though she apparently lived around the corner.

[hedgehogger1]

Be prepared for her to ask again with an increased amount now she's proven she'll repay...

[rawalpindithelabrador]

You used to work with her, so block her now. She's a user who'll come back for me, you block her, you don't have to say no.

[HollowTalk]

@MatildaTheCat

Well I hope you’re wrong but I have to say I wouldn’t be holding my breath. Was there any mention of repayment? If it’s any consolation my DH leant 5k to a ‘friend’ in September. It was to be repaid the same week. Maybe he meant September 2021...😳

I hope your DF gets well soon.

Can he take it to the small claims court?

[longwayoff]

6 years? Desperate people do desperate things, OP, sorry to hear you've been used. Just block her or she'll be back for more. Never lend money that you can't afford to lose, wave it goodbye. If you get repaid, it's a bonus

[LIZS]

At least you got it back. I would bet she has borrowed off someone else to do so and does the rounds each month. Don't engage further and block her.

[Chickychickydodah]

Please don’t lend her any money , see if you get it back then block her .

[Onjnmoeiejducwoapy]

OP glad she paid you back but you really need to have some boundaries!!

[MaggieFS]

Gosh, how odd to ask someone she's not seen for so long. It really sets alarm bells ringing. Why doesn't she have anyone else she could ask? Please make sure she's not lulling you into a false sense of security and next time asks for £100 (or more!)

If there is a next time just say you're short this month too.