To wonder how I going to survive the night

[Covidfears]

I don’t know what else to do but post here.

I don’t know how I’m going to get through this night. It’s looking likely my lovely dad has bowel cancer. We’ve only just got through my little sister surviving cancer. I can’t go through all that again.

My parents and I are vulnerable to coronavirus but I have children in school so can only see them through the window.

There is no light at the end of this tunnel for me. I don’t know how to get through this.

[Caterina99]

My grandad had bowel cancer 15 years ago age 75. He had surgery. He’s still with us, in reasonable health, lives in his own home and is 90 next year!

Good luck OP!!!

[Jenasaurus]

Take things a day at a time OP, I know what you are going through as my DF had bowel cancer and he called me when he first spotted blood in his movements (i lived in the same road) we called the doctor and due to the amount of blood they organised an ambulance and a colonoscopy, which initially diagnosed diverticulitis, but 6 months later he had another episode and the did find he had bowel cancer. The one thing I will say, that even if it is the worse case scenario, that it doesnt mean you will lose your dear father, my dad lived 10 years after diagnosis and treatment (diagnosed at 70 and died at 80) and in that time he did have some good quality of life. so whatever the outcome remember that it isnt neccessarily untreatable.

[Covidfears]

Thank you for all your kind words. I managed to get a few hours sleep but can’t face getting out of bed today.

[LaLaLandIsNoFun]

Oh, you sound utterly exhausted and emotionally on your last straw. It’s so hard when things just keep comping with no reprieve (I really empathise)

I’m not going to give you trite bullshit about darkest before dawn etc. You are feeling how you’re feeling and what you’re feeling is normal.

Do whatever you need to do to keep putting one foot in front of the other (dong do what I did and scrimp on self-care).

Hugs to you

[rainbowstardrops]

I don't have any words of wisdom to add but just wanted you to know that I hope you get positive news for your dad

[Msloverlover]

We’ve had exactly this scare this year with my mil. Exactly the same symptoms. Colonoscopy showed diverticulitis and no cancer.

[AMBOG]

My dad had bowel cancer at 84. Had part of his bowel removed and a stoma. He chose not to have chemo as he was so frail. After a year he had the stoma reversed. That was 6 years ago. He is now 90 and still going strong.

[nannybeach]

Lots of love coming from here, yes, things are always more gloomy at night, these men and their health,honestly. My DH's Uncle, had bowl cancer, and removed successfully in his 80's, he lived years afterwards. It is so easy to think the worst, I had a care (bowel cancer in my 50's) when I went for first the scan, (later the colonoscoy) which was arranged very urgently, was OMG, I might loose my elow length hair, how riiculous of me, thankfully NAD, now I wouldn't be worried about the stupid hair, which would grow back.

[Mindymomo]

My FIL was diagnosed with late stage bowel cancer at 66. He had to have urgent surgery and radiotherapy and lived another 22 years until he died this year at 88 years old of heart problems.

[Allnightlong2016]

Hi OP I’m sorry about your Dad, it’s really worrying for you especially when you’re waiting for results. I had bowel cancer removed 22 months ago at stage 1. However I had been unwell for about 8/9 months before diagnosis and my GP did not consider that I might have bowel cancer at 40. The bowel cancer UK website is very informative. Praying for your dad and mum and all your family.

[SomeoneInTheLaaaaaounge]

OP thinking of you and sending you the biggest hug possible.

Do not have a go at yourself for anything, especially not feeling sad or miserable.

You don’t know the outcome yet and albeit just a bunch of strangers we are with you. How you’ve managed to doze off for a couple of hours.

Xxx

[IDontLikeZombies]

I don't have anything better to add than what the lovely PPs have said but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone tonight.

[Rainbowqueeen]

DAmm typo I meant loving family not living. God I feel like such a dick.
So sorry

[Rainbowqueeen]

Op I’m so sorry. My mum had bowel cancer twice so I know how scared you must feel. She also found out the first time through blood in her poo. They operated and then she had chemo for a year. This was almost 30 years ago now so I’m sure the treatment has changed and advanced.
She had a relapse after 16 years then had radiation that time. She died from something else entirely.

You clearly have a close living family and that will be such a help in the days ahead. Support each other, use the samaritans or other support agencies too. Wishing you well

[TalkingToMyselfAndFeelingOld]

@ScienceSensibility

There are always night owls on Mumsnet! It’s a good place to feel a little less lonely, and sometimes that’s enough.😀

I hope your partner will stand with you, OP. You will need his support.

Definitely. Loved ones and friends too are a Godsend when we are struggling.

There is also MacMillan , I think they do a helpline for those affected by cancsr?

[TalkingToMyselfAndFeelingOld]

I wish I had some words to say that would help but I havent. In not surprised you upset and I know this sounds weird but i wish I could meet you in person to give you a hug!

[Oliversmumsarmy]

Dp was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer in January 2016.
He had been going to the doctors for months and been dismissed when he questioned whether he had bowel cancer.

They gave him 2 years. He is still with us today although I can’t say it has been easy.

He has had his spleen removed because the cancer had spread. A section of his bowel was removed and HIPEC treatment.
He also had a stoma for a year.

I can’t say the NHS were great and saved his life as that was down to us.
We had to pay for his treatment.

I wish you well. There are so many variables even when given the worst prognosis. You just have to not give up.

[Covidfears]

He’s being good but he works long hours. I also feel a bit of a burden being miserable all of the time so I put on a brave face as I do around the children who don’t know about my dad yet. They saw him every day before Covid and love him so much. They are only 6 and 8. I don’t want them to lose him yet.

[ScienceSensibility]

There are always night owls on Mumsnet! It’s a good place to feel a little less lonely, and sometimes that’s enough.😀

I hope your partner will stand with you, OP. You will need his support.

[Covidfears]

Thank you everyone. I’m still sobbing reading these but feeling less alone.

I hope everyone going through this has a positive outcome.

[hellsbells99]

My mum has had bowel cancer twice and is still with us. Good luck with your dad. Treatment is very good nowadays.

[ScienceSensibility]

‘Each’ Hour

Not hot. Apologies.

[ScienceSensibility]

Sorry to read this covidfears 💐

Troubles are always worse at night, aren’t they? I’ve been in your position a couple of times with family members.

I teach myself I can’t do anything to help overnight, so I try to be kind to myself so I can have energy to face the fight again the next day.

If these negative thoughts are swirling, watch something bland and cheering on TV. Something rubbish and benign, like Friends or a gentle movie. Wrap up warm on the sofa with a hot drink and just take a hot hour as it comes.

You will need to be at full strength to help your father if your fears about his diagnosis are correct. Think of this self care as being an enabling act to give him support.
I say this kindly, for your own mental self preservation, try not to immerse yourself too much in the detail of his diagnosis or treatment. Attempt a small amount of distance/detachment.
I failed at this the first time and almost had a breakdown as a result, which meant I was of no use to anyone.
Try and go an hour without thinking about it.
Give yourself time in the day when you will think about it, consider options, talk to your parents etc, but don’t let it dominate your thinking 24/7.
I hope it goes well for your father. Medical science is incredible now and there have been so many advances. Thinking of you.

[Schummakker]

It may well be bowel cancer but it’s likely it’ll be treatable.

Let the tears flow and allow yourself to feel sad and tire yourself out. You’re preparing yourself for the worst outcome but keep that glimmer of hope.

2 weeks is a long time when you’re waiting so take it easy and be kind to yourself, you’ll get through it.

Sending you hugs.

[CrikeyPeg]

Extending my hand here @Covidfears - my dear Mum has just been (Friday) diagnosed with bowel cancer with her op scheduled for eight days. Early stages for her, we have been told, so hanging on to that, although also susceptible to Covid with a raft of comorbidities. Does he have a definitive diagnosis yet? Such a tough time, and worse at night when your can't distract the mind with the day to day activities of life/living