To of had enough of the shit??

[ohbrightlight]

Have named changed for this as potentially outing.

I will admit i have been far from the perfect child. I rebelled quite hard in my early 20s because I felt unloved and unsupported and the only people who wants to spend time with me were unfortunately the wrong people and I got involved heavily with drinking and drugs.

Hit a bad depression when i was 18 when my best friend died. I spent 5 years of my life basically not leaving the house and not wanting to communicate with anyone. I couldn't even talk to my parents about it because "I just needed to get over it". Yes they sent me to an expensive therapist but it wasnt working because I wasnt getting support at home.

I have a minor disability and I have always felt this has been brushed under the carpet. Yes they had me attend the appointments I needed to but my family were never told about my disability until about 5 months ago and it's just made me feel like it is a shameful secret and my parents didn't want anyone knowing because they didn't want people knowing I was different.

I have a sister who is complete opposite- stunningly pretty (i am overweight and even if i wasnt i would be average looking), very bright and very much the golden child. I was expected to live up to be the same and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't be.

Anyway. As I said rebelled past few years and I didn't realise how toxic it was because for the first time in my life I thought I was being accepted as a person.

I am still living at home. I get it. They pay my Bill's, give me a roof over my head. I'm grateful. But I cant do anything right. Every job I have isnt good enough, my mum will literally stalk what I'm doing trying to get into my phone etc. It has always been this way even when I was just "normal". As I said I get it it probably isnt nice what they have seen me go through and its stressful. But I have never been good enough.

Then tonight:

I was going to pick something off Ebay for a friend. Mum sitting drunk in the chair goes on a big ramble about "how I'm picking drugs up" so I tell her to come with me.

Put the postcode in the sat nav to a large local town that has about 7 different ways to get into it. Goes on a rant about how I'm "going the wrong fucking way" and just being snarky and picky. I got upset and said I brought her to spend time with her and that it still wasnt good enough.

My period was due 3 weeks ago and I'm late- keeping in mind I'm overweight, it happens all the time, it's a stressful time for me. I went to her and told her upset.

Que her making me take pregnancy tests constantly despite me even ringing my GP and my GP saying to wait as its probably just a late period again. She wouldn't even let me fucking pee on the stick in peace.

I just feel stressed out and I dont know if I'm being unreasonable

[missmouse101]

Yabu to write 'to of had' when you mean 'to have had.'

[AbsentmindedWoman]

Posters who think the OP will be easily able to move out are being naive.

A room in a houseshare is expensive these days. Plus bills.

Poor mental health and a disability mean the OP might be struggling to earn enough to live.

That's leaving out the fact that depending on the disability, a house with shared bathroom and kitchen could be dangerous for her during the pandemic. I'm type 1 diabetic and would not move into a house share right now.

[BetsyBigNose]

@ohbrightlight your OP just reads as a childish, entitled, drunken rant on 'How Life Is So Unfair' and 'My Sister Gets All The Attention'.

Your home life sounds toxic and your relationships with your DM and Dsis sound difficult. I agree with PPs: it's high time you moved out and got a place of your own (even a room in a shared house), to help you grow up a little. Perhaps some physical distance from your family will give you some perspective.

Move out, have a break from your family and slowly re-build the relationship if/when you feel ready.

@missmouse101

[IncandescentSilver]

Most of us find the transition from living at home to being an independent adult difficult, don't they? But it's a learning experience. You haven't embarked on it yet and that's through your own decision making, no-one else's. You've actually received a lot more support from your parents than many of us did and perhaps they monitor you because of your past problems because they worry about you? It's really kind of them to continue to provide with a home, pay your bills and arrange therapy.

Would you go to university? That can feel a more supported way of leaving home.

How old are you now?

[Emeeno1]

Thinking that your parents are the cause of your woes will keep you stuck in immaturity.

Have you ever considered, when you think on yourself and how hard things seem to you, that your parents have feelings like this too? We often expect parents to be so much more than we are ourselves without really thinking it through. Why should they be? They are human, just as you are human. If you can be hurt, weak and upset so can they.

[readingismycardio]

I also believe it's time to move out, OP. Why do you not work? What field would you possibly like to go in? Would university be an option?

[Lobsterquadrille2]

Just to echo others that you need to move out, live independently and prove to yourself that you can do so. You say that you work, even if your jobs are not good enough for your parents - so you must have savings, if they are supporting you financially at the moment?

I really understand that the love of many parents is conditional - mine wouldn't have me under their roof as a single parent - but it's perfectly possible to accept that and move on from resentment, and to build a better relationship with them further down the line.

[jessstan2]

Blimey. You're an adult, move for goodness sakes.

A lot of people who have hidden disabilities do not want others to know and actually ask their parents not to talk about it to others; some parents want to protect their child from scrutiny and try to avoid them being treated differently so please don't blame them for that. Whatever they did they probably couldn't win. You haven't told us the nature of your disability and we are anonymous!

Not everyone is equipped to give emotional support, you have to accept that. By having you, an adult child, living with them and not having to contribute is quite a lot of support actually.

Your mum gets drunk, it's likely that she could do with some support and would feel a lot better if you lived independently.

Do you ever study, do courses online for example? From your opening post it looks as though you didn't get far in education. However it is never too late to learn and would make you feel better about yourself.

Who is Bill?