How pissed off/fed up should I be?

[FiftiethNameChange]

Honestly... I don't really have the energy any more. I'm going to attempt not to drip feed but as my username suggests, I post quite regularly and I don't want this tied to my other posts. I just want some abstract advice, please, from whoever will listen. Ask any questions you want, I'll answer. If you can get through the wall of text.

DCs birthday is in a few days. We are having a party, but it's only a 2nd birthday party so to be honest I wasn't planning to go all out, regardless of lockdown/pandemic crap. I just want a nice celebration with a few pictures for memories. Last year, we had a much 'bigger' party. Invited friends and family from both sides. Prepared all sorts of food. It was lovely. DC won't remember it but there are enough pictures and memories to last a lifetime, I hope. Not important though.

My mother and youngest brother have fallen out with DP. Or he's fallen out with them. Or both. They hate each other. I'm not in contact with my other brother so that's a moot point. They're my closest friends at the moment anyway. For personal reasons, I've managed to distance myself from all of my other friends. My closest non relative friend has severe OCD and anxiety and would not be able to attend the event this year due to concerns about the virus. I'm obviously sad about this but I respect him and his feelings and I'm in no way annoyed that he can't come.

My brother is forbidden from attending. Forbidden from ever coming to the house. My mother will not attend because of this. She will only visit me when DP is not here.

DP has invited his family and a few of his friends. He didn't 'ask' me or let me know he was planning to. He just told me they were coming. His family are visiting from far away so will be staying for a long time around the actual party. One of his friends and the wife, I have never met.

I've been feeling low recently anyway. I've been struggling to leave the house due to my own anxieties. Recently, my CBT therapy has been discontinued, with the therapist citing 'lack of support at home' as the reason she can't continue my sessions. This honestly made me feel as though the floor fell from underneath me. I don't know what to do about that, so I'm waiting for a call back from the GP to hopefully discuss this. Because of all of that, I haven't been as on top of the housework as I usually am, so it's a state. And I'm not saying that in a precious 'oh my, forgive the stale pot-pourri' way - it's a shit hole. I would rather nobody came to the house if I'm honest. I'm trying not to be too uptight about that though. I don't want to be a cow. I keep it clean enough for my children to play and be safe. I just don't have the energy to even think about cleaning up to a standard where I'd be happy to welcome strangers into the home to host a party. I'm going to either have to suck it up and clean, or give up and let them come and turn their noses up.

Thinking about the 'party' now just makes me want to curl up and sleep. I think the final straw this evening was DP telling me about his 'plans' for the next few days. All personal things for relaxation and self development as he's on his rest days from work, no plans to blitz the house. I don't feel like I've had a 'rest day' since I gave birth. But I'm a SAHM. That's my role and my responsibility. I read a lot of threads here and I get the gist. And besides, he would disagree anyway. I'm probably making a mountain out of a mole hill. I know I'm in a better position to clean up because I don't work full time and I don't earn any money.

I'm feeling emotional and tired. I've tried telling him what's wrong, he gets cross that I'm pushing back against him having guests when I could have my own. I don't feel that's true. Do we agree to disagree?

Have I explained all of that clearly? I'm not trying to be vague. I'm tired and fed up and sad. I was also angry but I can't be bothered with that anymore.

What should I do? Or more, should I be feeling so sorry for myself?

Thanks for reading this far if you have.

[LakieLady]

Your husband sounds very controlling and he is isolating you from your family, while expecting you to accommodate and cater for his family and friends.

Imo, this is emotionally abusive, and that's without even considering the fact that you never get any downtime.

It's no wonder that you're feeling low and at the end of your tether. You need to tell him how you feel and explain that you need him to step up.