Handhold needed - embarrassing workplace stories

[Weston14]

So I slept in for work.

Not just by a bit. By about 4 hours. I have absolutely no idea what happened I just completely slept through my alarm. Colleagues thought I'd died. Woke up to a load of missed calls. I. Am. Mortified. Boss is (understandably) livid.

Regale me please with your embarrassing workplace stories to make me feel better

Not me but some from former colleagues:

One guy showed up an hour late on a Monday. The clocks had changed at the weekend and he hadn't realised (this was early 00's before everything started updating itself). I have to admit I thought it was quite cool he got through what must have been a chilled out Sunday without realising everything was happening at a slightly different time.

One colleague showed up thinking she was late for work but it was a Sunday and the office was shut. She didn't question why the pedestrian gate was locked and as you couldn't see the car park from there she couldn't see it was empty until she scaled the fence and went round the other side of the building.

One lad came in by train but one day turned into the office at 11 after getting on a train that didn't stop at the station he needed it to. He also one day showed up to work looking like a drumstick lolly after falling asleep on his side at a music festival. He hadn't been at our place long when these happened having had to leave his previous job as a milkman as he didn't have a driving licence. He'd only been doing the job for 18 months before they thought to ask him.

Missed an entire 4 hour shift cos I slept thru after going out night before. Woke up and could not believe that I had slept through alarm. Had never happened before. I called in 15 mins before end of day ( it was half day shift at weekend and we closed then) apologises grovelled and offered to make the time up. It was ok, really. People take the piss for a bit, but if you play along and take the piss out yourself they’ll Move on to the next thing faster.

I'd started a new job in sales and made a real effort to make a good impression. On the Friday I went out with my work team and boss for a few after works drinks.

After a couple of hours he lined up flaming sambuca shots on the bar.

Unfortunately I was a bit drunk and I spilt mine on my boss' suit and the arms of his jacket caught fire. He said he was ok but his suit was ruined and soaking wet (the barmaid had doused him in water).

I'm generally a walking disaster at work to be fair. Over the last few years, the same colleagues have seen me walk across the office with my dress in my pants. Split my trousers on a sponsored 'cycle' on a stationary bike in the office. Slithered from my desk chair onto the floor many a time (because I can't control the multi functional bloody thing), walked into every closed door etc

The manager had to first aid me once, all I did was vigorously cross my legs, completely kneecapping myself on a table. There was blood, and I had a black bruise the size of my hand for weeks.

To be fair, if I overslept, my manager certainly wouldn't be livid. She'd probably be thankful I was tucked away and not being a liability for a change.

work trip, utter madness of a schedule. 10 days, 8 countries.

i arrived at one destination, went to bed and woke up at 4pm the following afternoon. my body just sort of gave up and i slept through every meeting i had scheduled.

luckily i had 2 days there. my boss tried to be snarky about it but i defy anyone to have managed that trip without a day off.

oh. there was that one time in my early 20s where i had saturday overtime from 8am to 1pm. management were ruthless and missing overtime meant being fired.

i got to bed one saturday morning at 5.30am, having spent the night at a pub then drinking homemade sloe gin at a friend’s house.

i got a taxi to work. i remember nothing else at all. on monday someone mentioned that i’d been ‘a bit quiet’.

yeah, no. shitfaced more like. utterly shitfaced.

@PheasantPlucker1

Many years ago, I was working the 6am-2pm shift on new years day.

New years eve I went out for a couple, and the rest is a blur until I woke up tea time on New Years Day.

I rang the boss grovelling like hell for missing work, and rather bemused she told me I had been in. Apparently I had been "very quiet". I must have still been shit faced through the whole shift

I have no words 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

When I was in local government, someone was off sick and I got lumbered with minuting a council meeting in their place. I took my chair down from the office, because the tall chairs were excruciatingly uncomfortable.

About 2 hours in, I had to reach right across to the far end of the long table to pass some a petition to the mayor. I thought it would be easier to just wheel my chair across ... and wheeled it straight off the end of the dais, landing like a sack of shit on the floor 2 feet below.

I never got lumbered with attending at council again, but the story was talked about for years.

I was at home one Saturday morning when I got a text from a friend/colleague asking if I was ok. I thought it was a weird text as we didn't usually see each other at the weekend. It was then that I realised it was Friday and got into a complete panic, rang in and told her I was on my way. Thankfully they took it well and all I had to put up with was a bit of slagging from colleagues.

I went out for my hen night on thursday, next day didn't get to work ( in a high street bank) till 10am, then the tradition was for me to have a 2 hour lunch at the pub, with 1/2 the staff from 12-1pm then the other 1/2 from 1-2pm. Had a fair few drinks there, then when I got back to work they put me back on the till again but I only lasted 1/2 hour because my giggling was putting off the customers. I spent the afternoon sorting cheques into alphabetical order while asking things like " Does G come before or after S"

I've lost track of the days while on lockdown and missed my Wednesday office day 2 weeks ago thinking it was only Tuesday. Had left phone on Do not disturb all day so it never occurred to me until about 4pm when I called in to the office to arrange access the next day. Boss has a good sense of humor thankfully but was worried I had died or something sinister.

@MusicTeacherSussex

I pleaded sick until I realised there was a video of me on facebook crawling in through the door on my hands and knees singing at 3am.
I'm so VERY glad there was no Facebook (or smartphones) when I was young enough to do this! 🤣

@LakieLady just brilliant

Hope you weren't badly hurt though! Must have looked hilarious but could be very nasty.

@MusicTeacherSussex

I pleaded sick until I realised there was a video of me on facebook crawling in through the door on my hands and knees singing at 3am.
I'm so VERY glad there was no Facebook (or smartphones) when I was young enough to do this! 🤣

Only my pride and my dignity were hurt @CrimsonCattery, I'm a klutz so have lots of falling over experience. I got the giggles really badly though, I sniggered on and off for the rest of the meeting.

The following morning, my manager, who was always in early, didn't let on he knew what had happened until about 9.30, when the whole team was in. He strolled in to our office and presented me with a small silver trophy.

I asked what it was for, and he said "It's the Twat of the Year cup, you're the only person who's ever managed to win it from [colleague's name]. Now let's see if you can match his record and keep it for 8 years".

OMG some of these are making me cry! I too am a klutz and I can think of a couple of times that were not my finest hour!

My first day as a qualified nurse on a new ward. I had completed my training in the hospital so the environment, set up and equipment were not new to me. The patients meals arrived in a large insulated trolley which I had moved and emptied hundreds of times before. What I hadn't realised was that the top of the trolley was exactly the same height as the break glass fire point on the wall. Cue me giving the trolley an extra energetic push, and the trolley careering into the wall setting off the fire alarm. Bemused Ward Sister as we were treated to a visit from Blue Watch from the local Fire Station!

And more recently, whilst walking with colleagues around the outside of the hospital in our lunch break to get some fresh air, I walked into the warning triangle sign next to the helipad, giving myself a nasty black eye and bleeding face.

I despair of me sometimes!

When I was 19 I was working for a high street insurance company and they laid out a proper corporate works do for Christmas.

I'd just broken up with my first serious boyfriend (who I had been living with) and was utterly heartbroken but determined to fight another day.

I got absolutely twatted on a combo of red wine, white wine, cider, vodka, fuck knows what else.

Lisa from Steps was performing at said do (which gives you an indication of how long ago this was) and as a non-pop music fan, I thought it would be utterly hilarious to heckle her. I'm actually pretty ashamed at that, because she was just doing a job and all, but in between tracks (lip synced, of course) I shouted 'STEPS ARE SHIT' really loudly

That was the same night I walked home in the middle of a major city in the middle of the night and turned up at my exes house crying and puking and begging to come back

Bit embarrassing all round really

These are entertaining. Although Gawd PollyDarton Weve all been there but you excelled yourself there!

At a works Christmas do once I got smashed on a drink called Aftershock and ended up lying under a cigarette vending machine crying because I couldn't see. I remember one of my colleagues kneeling down and telling me It'll be alright Clare just open your eyes.

The worst is the dread of returning to work. I think I spent that Christmas torturing myself with flashbacks from the work party.

NC for this...I promise I’m not a poo troll!

Short story is I shit my pants.

Long story is I was in the hall teaching my class of 5&6 year olds PE. We’d just got ALL the apparatus out when I got the first wave of stomach cramps. It soon passed so we carried on.

When the second wave hit, I started to worry slightly. I considered asking someone in the office (nearest other adult) to watch my class while I nipped to the loo but thought it would be a bit embarrassing 🤦🏽‍♀️ so I carried on with the lesson.

When the third wave hit I started to panic. My top lip went sweaty and I was frantically trying to work out how we could get the apparatus packed away before the inevitable happened.

Somehow we managed to get it all away and I quickly ushered my class back, me walking with my ass cheeks clenched knowing there was a toilet directly outside my classroom.

I got halfway down the corridor when the secretary stopped to speak to me.

And THAT’S when I shit my pants.

My face was something like 😳 and I actually had to say to her “I’ve just shit myself”.

Oh god.

She took my class while I made my way to the ladies. It was, without a doubt, the most hideous experience of my life.

Needless to say I bought her a bottle of wine when I returned to work and we never spoke of it again.

Got loads tbh. One memorable one was when I got pulled aside by a colleague to let me know that I only had foundation on one side of my face DS (about 5 at the time) had distracted me whilst I was doing my slap and then we needed to leave and I’d forgotten to finish it off. She didn’t even tell me till about 11am so I’d been walking around like that for about 3 hours 😂😂

I was 2 and a half days late for work due to a very long midweek party 😅 I was 21 so I probably wasnt completely expected to be responsible
Thankfully my awesome Irish boss decided to drink me under the table at the weekend and out partied me! I didnt do it again as you only get handed that pass once

(Only mention Irish due to that being his own description of himself. Brought up on guinness apparently)

Not my story but an ex-coworker. She'd just come back from maternity leave on the Monday and the Friday evening was the big social event for the whole area (big national company). She'd not drunk more than the odd half a shandy for over a year and proceeded to get absolutely shitfaced on the free wine and to tell the area manager in graphic detail what she thought of her. If I remember rightly the rant went on for about 5 minutes before any of us noticed where she was and ran to try and rescue the situation. She handed in her notice the following Monday.

These are brilliant. ShittyKnickers that's the stuff of nightmares and I think you won the thread.

OP if it makes you feel better, a colleague of mine didn't turn up for work one morning and wasn't answering his phone. His line manager drove to his house (lived locally) and found him locked in his porch