To be sick of Covid whingers?!

[MissingThePoint1]

I am soooooooo fed up of listening to people moan about covid and what they've 'lost' from their own perspective without seeing the bigger picture.

Maternity leave and pregnancy rights particularly irritate me.. daily I see people moaning and creating petitions to extend maternity leave for those who were effected by covid because it's not fair they've missed out on valuable experiences. I'm not on maternity leave but I do have a 1 year old and it's equally hard to be stuck at home day in day out with him. We miss parks, we miss groups.. how do we get our time back? How can we be compensated?! We can't.. we suck it up and make the best of it.. Same as those on mat leave should.

Moaning about partners not being allowed to appointments, scans, visiting hours etc. I'm pregnant, my husband hasn't been to my scans, I'm having a section so it's likely he won't be at the birth either.. it's shit I agree. But to moan about it. To feel robbed and go on just irritates me.. your moaning you husband can't be at your 12 week scan.. families are missing funerals, missing saying goodbye to loved ones. People are dying alone in hospitals. Being alone for your scan is not huge in comparison. There are extremely clinically vulnerable women needing to access maternity services so why shouldn't be made as safe as physically possible for them. Why can't people accept that?!

I'm disappointed. I thought this pandemic would bring us together, unite us, make people less selfish but I was clearly very naive. Everyone's made sacrifices and everyone has been effected in some way.. why can't people try and see the bigger picture.

[orangesandapplesandpearsohmy]

Everyone has the right to feel anxious or annoyed or left out or lonely or whatever it is. It’s not a one puma ship game. No matter what someone has been through in life, there will always be someone that’s has a worse experience - and doing the ‘well my mothers DEAD so be glad you have a mother at all’ when someone whines about their mom etc doesn’t help anyone.
So yeah, some people are upset that they can have their partner at the babyscan, and can’t share that moment with them. Is it the end of the world? No, unless of course the scan shows something awful. But is there any point in yelling ‘people are dying!’ ‘Families can’t go to funerals!’ At them? No.
There’s enough compassion to go round. Or there should be.

[dobbyssoc]

Sorry OP but I think you are being very unreasonable.
If it was my first baby especially I would be upset that my partner couldn't be involved etc not to mention scared!
My particular issue has been the idea that you would need to go back to work but if you've been on mat leave you haven't been able to visit nursery's/childminders in order to get a childcare place. I had lots of visits planned for the end of March ready for my start this month but haven't been able to attend therefore now don't have any childcare!

[trappedsincesundaymorn]

I'm sorry OP but who are you to decide what others should be feeling? If people are upset about their own lives then that's absolutely their right to be so. It's not the moanolympics, there are no medals to be won for who has had the worst time or who is having the worst time. Most are getting on with things the best way they know how and if it helps to have a good old whine about their life then that's fine. You crack on with your own life OP and let others crack on with theirs.

[FilthyforFirth]

Thank you for the links @Namesgonenow, they are incredibly useful.

ODFO OP. I am 20 weeks pregnant and whilst I am sad DH cant come to scans, I am more terrified about birth. And I will fucking moan about it if I want to. I had a section last time and DH stayed in a private room with me. I couldnt do anything for DS apart from feed/cuddle once he was passed to me. How the hell will I now do that on my own? Who are you to tell me I am not allowed to complain about that.

Women, especially pregnant women are treated like shit in this country. I am livid.

[SweetPetrichor]

People love to moan...it's been a learning curve listening to my DP doing energy industry calls every work day from home. There are some people in genuine difficulties due to reduced income but most people are chancers. You get people who haven't paid a bill for months before covid-19 and they're claiming the can't pay cause of 'the corona'. When he suggests that if someone can't pay a primary bill they seek advice from a free debt advice charity, they go off the deep end. It's amazing how many people think that it's an excuse to still not pay for services. I used to moan at him for moaning about his customers after work every day but now I see why he gets so fed up! For every person in genuine difficulties, you get 10 chancers.

[ICouldBeTheOne]

Moaning is okay but it's not just moaning, it's usually using a completely different scenario (the other one being what the OP doesn't want to utilise or needs to) and not wanting to see why they are different or why not everybody can be personally catered to and happy all of the time.

If it's 'isn't it shit I can't have my partner at my scan?', most people will agree. But it's 'why can people go to the pub but I can't have my DP at my scan, this is unfair' etc.

It's been the same at every stage. Everyone has something to moan about and fair enough if you want a moan but it's always 'why is this okay and what I WANT isn't? Or why has the government not designed this to meet my specific cirumstances?

Why is it okay to go to Primark but I can't have my partner overnight? Why is it okay for B and Q to be open but I can't visit my Mum? Why can I someone buy a starbucks but baby groups aren't open? Why is it okay for schools to open for years X and Y but my DC is in year Z and....' why are garden centres open but I can't go to X...' why can't I claim benefits with £20,000 in savings but my neighbour who's earning more than me can...' etc etc.

[ginandgingers92]

@Time2change2 so true. There seems to be this culture in society at the moment where, when people voice their disappointment/sadness about something that happens to, or is relevant to them, there's ALWAYS someone going 'but what about such and such, that's way worse', invalidating everyone's experiences. Does my head in..

[Time2change2]

Oh for goodness sake OP- people have every right to moan- you have just moaned about them moaning! Most people have lost experiences through this. Some greater than others. I would have absolutely have hated to have a baby during the last 4 months. Absolutely shit and they have every right to moan. Something worse is always happening to someone. People who are dying in hospitals alone- well what about those in the Congo who have been forced by machete wealding gangs to rape their own family members.. then left to die alone. There is always someone worse. Every missed part of life during this is valid, no need to silence people!

[ginandgingers92]

@WurraBurra 😂😂

[Catastrofuck]

I think that’s unfair actually. Many people can and do both understand why a decision was made and be sad about it. For example, I was booked for a home birth but it was cancelled because the ambulance service would not support them. Completely comprehensible. But it didn’t stop me feeling sad about it because I’m not a robot. Every “moan” I have heard has been caveated with “of course I know it’s necessary” etc. And actually in itself that can be problematic because it means that decisions might not be questioned. There could have been different ways of responding to the virus and it is ok to question that. There are quite a lot of MN posters who seem to see “moaning” or questioning decisions made about how to handle the response to the virus as immoral

[ICouldBeTheOne]

I do agree with the OP. Not with the maternity examples necessarily but that at every step of lockdown some people have objected because they want their own individual circumstances to be catered to rather than wanting to understand why things are happening and why not everyone can be (or ever will be) happy with everything that happens at each step. Because that's impossible when you're dealing with national or even regional policies.

People are selfish, that's natural. They'll always want things to go their way and care about the things that effect them and not care (or care less) about the things that don't.

[HathorX]

I suppose, if I was on mat leave on SMP, and all my colleagues were at home furloughed on 80% pay, I would whine a bit too.

But that is the roll of the dice.

[TJ17]

I don't agree, this year has been bloody shit for everyone no matter how big or small the problem.

I hate the attitude that you aren't allowed to moan because other people have worse problems.

Would you say to someone who lost a leg in an accident well you shouldn't moan because at least you didn't die?

Would you say to people that have lost jobs and business due to Covid well you can't moan because you didn't have relatives die of Covid?

I didn't moan about having to attend my 20 week scan alone despite feeling a bit bummed for DH who would've liked to have seen our baby but when I was there I was given really bad news about our baby as they found she had a serous medical condition requiring risky surgery at birth!
I had to then go out to the car and relay this information to my husband in tears.

I have since had many more invasive tests and scans revealing other scary things that my husband could not attend because he had to be at home looking after DS because we couldn't have anyone else to look after him due to Covid.

I also have to be induced because of this medical condition and the thought of my husband not being able to be there is horrible for me because not only do I have labour to contend with I will have to face the fear alone of whether she survives birth!!

I feel entitled to "moan" in these instances.

I also think that people with lesser problems like they miss seeing friends and relatives are entitled to moan and other friends that are pregnant have still expressed to me how upset they are that their DH can't attend scans despite having a healthy baby. I don't belittle them and say well you have no right to moan because I have bad news at my scans!

[FranCan]

i totally and wholeheartedly agree with this! Come on!

[Topseyt]

*are many and varied.

[Topseyt]

The reasons why people have or have not coped well with lockdown are and varied. They should not be judged.

We are all in different circumstances and at different stages of life. That means that different things will be important to us at those stages.

I've been made redundant and very nearly lost parents to various emergencies during lockdown. Very difficult to just keep concentrating on this "bigger picture" because I just don't feel that magnanimous at the moment.

[BeautyQueenFromMars]

People are allowed to feel how they feel, and express that feeling. Others having bigger problems doesn't invalidate a person's small problem or disappointment. And big/small are relative. So be kind.

[user1471500037]

Plus life is what you make it, if healthy go on holiday, go to the pub and enjoy!

[user1471500037]

We have got to get to a point where we go about our business with no social distancing and restrictions just like we have done for other pandemics in the 20th century. Sweden is nearly there and suspect we might be more advanced than we think particularly in terms of deaths but lets crack on...

[okiedokieme]

I do agree people have lost perspective but it's hard not to feel disappointment in many circumstances.

With abnormal scans, our trust is inviting partners to attend where there's a known issue, when one is found then they are scheduling a follow up scan within24 hours with partner there.

As far as partners at c-sections, this was happening weeks ago so I would suggest speaking urgently about the arrangements.

[LividLaughLovely]

Thank you @Namesgonenow. The stuff I’m going through being “recognised” has just made me tear up.

[Hiphopopotamus]

Thank you @Namesgonenow - I’ll be really interested to read that.

[Comtesse]

YABU. Other people are entitled to feel sad / upset / disappointed if they want. #bekind right?

[KaptainKaveman]

Yes fantastic name catastrofuck, love it !

[Namesgonenow]

Hi @Catastrofuck most def not alone. You’ll see plenty of quotes in the surrey report that may resonate.... hang in there. By the way very cool username 😎