AIBU to make this financial plan with DP.

[Isthisfairornot]

So I have a house, 100K equity and one DC. I earn 40K.

DP does not have a house, no savings (debt in fact) no DC and earns 60K.

We want to buy a house together and share our loves. Obviously, for him, moving into a situation with a DC will result in him contributing towards higher costs (food, bills, house big enough for DC etc, he often buys things for DC etc). However, he cannot match my deposit.

Is it reasonable for me to put 50k into house (and keep £50k to spend on me and my DC) for holidays etc and out 50K deposit into our house. We would pay the same bills etc even though my DC will be living with us and pushing up costs and things like weekends away and holidays, we would split equally (I wouldn’t pay extra for DC).

Does this sound fair? I’m not at all concerned about him trying to take more of the deposit than he put in in the event of a split.

YABU - Our plan is awful and unfair to one of us.
YANBU - go ahead, this makes sense.

Thank you in advance.

[Techway]

Ok, that is a better plan. I assume your 10k will mean you have a share of the property?

Who will find buying costs? He will need to fund these in a similar % of ownership.

[Winter2020]

Make sure he understands the financing of a buy to let currently. Mortgage interest is not fully tax deduct able for higher rate tax payers. In practice this can mean he can make a loss and still have a tax bill.

Buy to let usually requires a 25% deposit.

House prices are likely to fall. I wouldn't buy now as if prices fall you will be throwing money away. At least wait until you think the market has hit the bottom. That should give him a year to save the deposit.

[MarioPuzo]

Daisydoesnt

OP on his salary he could easily save £1,000 - £1,500 a month (unless the car loan is for a Maserati or something!)

Isn’t that (saving up a deposit over the next year) the opportunity for him to demonstrate some stability and financial maturity??

I think you seem very sweet but horribly naive. And I hate to say it, you’re either infantilising him or trying to buy his affections. As a single mother why on earth would you risk giving £10,000 to a boyfriend, when he doesn’t even “need” it; it’s not like he’s sick or needs medical treatment or some thing.

You need to really think about what you are doing.

I agree with every word of this. OP why are you throwing money at this man? He earns good money, he can easily save £10k in the next year. This will teach him how to budget and there will be no future messy recriminations when he continues spunking all his salary on clothes while profiting from your £10k house deposit.

You're already doing him a big favour by letting him live with you for a minimal contribution, that's worth thousands of pounds. You've given him enough, protect your child and your own interests.

[2DayW0rk2m0rrw]

If he has a BTL he would need to pay 40 percent tax on the income earner as well

[2DayW0rk2m0rrw]

Approx
£3600 per month after tax
If he earns 60K

He can't save ?

[TeaAndHobnob]

Your second plan is definitely better, at least you're only giving him £10k and not half a house that he hasn't paid for this time.

However I think an adult man who earns £60k should be more than capable of pulling £10k together and I don't know why you're not more worried that he is incapable of doing that.

[2DayW0rk2m0rrw]

Suggest look at money saving expert website
Money advice website
//www.Justmortgagebrokers.co.uk

Etc

[2DayW0rk2m0rrw]

BTW
Buy to let mortgages are usually for someone who already owns a property. BTL mortgages require higher interest rates & bigger deposits than a normal mortgage.

If you are a first time BTL mortgage, with NO previous property ownership. The interest rates & deposits required are even greater

WHY are YOU trying to sort out HIS purchasing. He earns good money. It's his choice, his responsibility

STOP throwing money at him

[2DayW0rk2m0rrw]

Why don't you buy a property yourself with 100K

If he wants to live with you. You split the bills & he pays the difference between single council tax, plus a small amount towards rent. Everything house & bills in your name. If you wish to marry him in the future, that is up to you.

Secondly, do not give him 10K or any money. The money belongs to you & your child. What are you thinking !

If he wants to save, he is on a good salary

Take off your rose tinted love struck glasses !

He is NOT entitled to any of your money

[Daisydoesnt]

OP on his salary he could easily save £1,000 - £1,500 a month (unless the car loan is for a Maserati or something!)

Isn’t that (saving up a deposit over the next year) the opportunity for him to demonstrate some stability and financial maturity??

I think you seem very sweet but horribly naive. And I hate to say it, you’re either infantilising him or trying to buy his affections. As a single mother why on earth would you risk giving £10,000 to a boyfriend, when he doesn’t even “need” it; it’s not like he’s sick or needs medical treatment or some thing.

You need to really think about what you are doing.

[Nihiloxica]

You are going to die young and you have a child and your focus is on how you can best provide for an adult man with a well paid job and a load of debt?

[helpmum2003]

Agree with PP. New plan is better but why on earth are you giving him a deposit? He will still need to be able to plan finances carefully with a buy to let property. Saving for a deposit is good practice.

I can't understand why you feel you owe him something? How long have you been together? Because of your unfortunately reduced life expectancy any decent partner would refuse to accept any such help because of your dd.

[ArchbishopOfBanterbury]

New plan is much better, but why are you gifting him a 10k deposit? He earns more than you, doesn't have a child, doesn't have a life-limiting health condition, and spends his money on crap.

How long would it take him to save himself a 10k deposit? Is it so urgent he can't afford to wait and save? Why?

Gifted deposits are fine for your children, but he's an adult and an equal. He doesn't need subsidising, hand outs, or looking after.

[WatchoutfortheROUS]

If he is bad with his own money, he will be worse with yours.

THIS

With bells on!

[ComeBy]

On £60k he should be able to save a £10k deposit within the year.

So he will make a meaningful city tribute on to your living costs ? Because if the rental covers his mortgage, he is essentially living rent free while you are paying a mortgage plus your share of bills.

Yes, for the mortgage there will have to be a legally signed paper that the £10k is a gift and not a loan.

Which wouldn’t preclude him paying you back on an informal basis from his rental income.

[Ponoka7]

"he doesn’t care what I do, he’s really laid back."

If anything happens to you, he'll be the same with another girlfriend. It won't be him making the decisions.

Being a Landlord is a serious business, you've got commitments to your tenants, is he laid back to a point were he'd make a terrible Landlord?

Have everything watertight and always have a will in place. I've seen children miss out on inheritance, time and time again. I've also seen people change completely when they think they are entitled to inheritance, above the children.

[00100001]

Don't give him the £10k....


Put it into your own place.

[Gulabjamoon]

You should definitely ringfence your deposit. Relationships break down, don’t trust in forever.

[mindutopia]

But why can’t he save up his own £10,000 deposit. My dh made about what he makes at the time we were saving for a house. He squirrelled away every last p and cut out buying random junk on eBay or big expenses for a year and managed to save £40,000 to add to our deposit in a year. This while we had all the usual expenses of family life and a child in full time nursery.

Surely, he doesn’t need an investment property now especially with no money of his own to invest. But surely if he just saved for 12 months, he’d have his own money to spend. That just sounds fishy to me. Dh and I both earn well (and obviously we’re married) but I can’t imagine him asking me to give him money just because he couldn’t be bothered to save it himself. Will that £10k come straight back to you from rent until it’s paid off or does he plan to just spend that?

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

Good second plan. Then if you stay together long term you have a
a rental property as an investment, if you don’t stay together he has a property to move in to and your property is yours. Good plan.

[2DayW0rk2m0rrw]

If you work it's relatively easy to find money for holidays & treats

You will probably never have an opportunity to have 100K lump sum to invest in property. So I would invest it

[rawlikesushi]

I liked your first plan better. I know I'm going against the grain, but someone earning £60k and spending it all wouldn't be a red flag to me. So what if he doesn't have assets, he's enjoying spending his money on things that make him happy. The mention of debt alarmed me until you explained it was just a car loan.

So there's really no risk to moving in together as long as you ringfence the deposit and ensure that your dd receives her full entitlement on your death.

Your first plan protected all of your money but your new plan involves you giving him £10k. You are literally taking £10k from your dd and giving it to him. He'll then rent his property out and benefit from the rental income. I can see why he likes that plan.

[chatterbugmegastar]

I’m going to die young due to a condition, so I’m not hugely concerned about planning for old age and love the idea of using the money to make loads of fantastic memories with DP and my DC.

You need to make sure that your DC is financially secure and financially protected - before you start blowing all your money on memories - I say this with love

[PoppyAnnie]

@Isthisfairornot I'm sorry but you really should be concerned. You say he isn't a risk, but he is. His situation at the very least brings huge risk to your dc.

Buy your home on your own, he can pay rent to contribute - a rate that is fair but lets him save up too which on his wage if he was "no risk" as you said, he'd have lots saved. After your death your home goes to your dc. End of.

[teaflake]

Isn't there some rule that the deposit money has to be an absolute gift to the person taking out the mortgage, and not a loan?