Was I in the wrong to give away these items?

[MrsVMorgan]

A family member was staying with us for a while. When he moved out, he left his hamster in his room as he had a very large cage and there was no space in his new room to accommodate any of it. The room wasn’t needed at the time so it was fine for the hamster to stay with us (although not ideal!)
We were then left to care for the hamster (for atleast 6 months), with no involvement from him. We cared for him (including sending pictures etc to him while rarely even for a response).
The pet died. He came round and removed it from the cage and took it away in a small box to pay his respects etc (not sure what he did). He isn’t planning to get another.

We were left with the cage and all the accessories, hamster playpen etc.
Someone on my local Facebook group was asking about hamster things so I said she could have a box of all the stuff we didn’t need (food, toys, new pet bedding etc that were not in the cage).
I have left all of his hamster’s toys in the cage (which he says needs 2 people to move as it’s very heavy). The things I gave away were just additional things that were in a box and not touched anyway.

The family member has now found out that I gave away his hamster stuff without his permission and is very angry about it. Apparently it is disrespectful to him and completely despicable (his words Amongst others).

I apologized and said it wasn’t things that his hamster was using in his cage etc (they are all still there) and seen as we had been the sole carers of his pet for the past 6 months that I didn’t think he would be that bothered.

Aibu to have given the stuff away? I realize I should have asked him, but he had taken no interest in his pet for many months and expected us to care for it. (He thinks he might be able to remove the cage in August!) I enquired about a company to remove it and dump it for us as it’s massive (it’s a huge ikea glass cabinet on its side) but they wanted £60 to do it!

Was I unreasonable?

[PuppyMonkey]

He’s a CF for dumping the hamster, but I still think you should have told him more clearly to come and take all his hamster crap away by xxdate otherwise you’d get rid of it yourself.

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

Actually the size of the cage is amazing - the bigger the better. Even if the animal can fit in a loo roll!! Hamsters are not meant for those tiny cages pet shops sell. (Missing the point of the thread)

Oh, I know the little ones from shops are uncomfortably small - I was thinking of the significantly larger ones that you can get or, if modular, a number of the smaller ones connected together. Of course, they also need plenty of non-cage time too. I was just blown away by the idea of needing two people to move the home for something that weighs the same as a Mars Bar!

[HidingFromDD]

was it an adult child who's not yet 'fully' moved out? If that's the case then I think you should probably have checked first. Any other situation I'd have said 'remove it by xxx or it will be offered free on FB'. You may find someone who will take the tank for other pets

[hardyloveit]

@Webuiltthisbuffetonsausagerolls
Actually the size of the cage is amazing - the bigger the better. Even if the animal can fit in a loo roll!! Hamsters are not meant for those tiny cages pet shops sell. (Missing the point of the thread)

I'd have sold the lot op!

[iwilltaketwoplease]

YANBU!! If they were that bothered then it should have been taken before, not let you hold it in storage.

[TheNoodlesIncident]

@lotusbell

When the hamster died and he came to collect it, what was discussed then about the remaining items? I'm.not sure why you could not have sent a quick text to say the stuff was in the way, could he come and collect it asap? The whole situation is a bit odd - huge unnecessary cage, then leaves it with you instead if putting in a smaller cage and taking it to the new place, not interested in your photos and updates but comes to collect it when he dies, doesn't mention what he wants to do with the cage and accessories? Why have you kept hold of it for so long?

All this occurred to me as well. Why didn't you tell him to take all the hamster stuff away when he came to collect its mortal remains? I would not be happy at having stuff dumped in my house like that I would be really disappointed in my son if he behaved like this in future. Why would you put up with being treated like this?!

[user1471530109]

For those saying how can the cage be that big etc. It is now believed to be very important for hamsters to have a large (there is a minimum size which off the top of my head is 50x80cm) cage for the happiness and health.

The cage you mention OP sounds like an IKEA deltof. He would have had to adapt the shelving unit to make it safe for the hamster, so at one point I would imagine was very 'in' to looking after the hamster. If he doesn't seem bothered about moving it until August could you suggest to him that if you take the pics, he could put it up for sale on one of the hamster sites on Facebook. You'd have someone wanting it pretty quickly (unless he asks a stupid amount for it) and hopefully it will be gone quickly and he would feel happy to receive the money.

I'd just do it myself if I were you and keep the money myself. But if you want to ease family tension...

[5LeafPenguin]

He's taken you for granted and been a d*ck but you should have let him know you had had enough of housing hamster world and had a place to donate so you could get your house back.

In general, does he act like he has no respect for your boundaries? and are you are weak on enforcing them so he gets his own way with you because you see his temper/ sulking as a threat. If so, working on your side of this it will help both of you.

[hedgehogger1]

Is this an adult child going off to uni or something?

[Soubriquet]

@hedgehogger1

Don't hamsters only live about a year? Did you have it for half it's life?

They usually live about 3-4 years though the longest one I had was nearly 5.

She was very old when she died

[hedgehogger1]

Don't hamsters only live about a year? Did you have it for half it's life?

[mellicauli]

Next time he says anything say that it is shameful that he cares more about the cage than he ever did about the hamster.

[Soubriquet]

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

I'm all for giving pets homes/areas with plenty of room to live and run around in - but something for an animal that can fit inside a toilet roll inner tube that takes two people to carry?! It sounds more like the kind of thing you might do if you lived on a farm and had a huge unused barn, but very outlandish for a normal house.

I agree with the PP: if he was leaving you with the responsibility and cost of feeding, housing and cleaning it, he was effectively giving it to you, along with all of its paraphernalia. It would be different if it was a dog or a horse or something, but 6 months is half to a quarter of a hamster's entire lifetime.

If he really cared about his pet, surely he would have bought a decent-sized but more standard and manageable cage and taken his hamster with him - and then made separate arrangements for the old run to be rehomed/disposed of and out of your way.

So because it’s small it doesn’t deserve a cage as big as possible?



Yanbu OP

You cared for this hamster so really it was your pet now and you were free to get rid of the items as you wished

[istheresomethingishouldknow]

Hilarious. He dumped a HAMSTER on you for 6 months, with a ridiculous amount of kit. Then picked up the body but left the ridiculous amount of kit for you to deal with. Fuck him. Tell him you're putting it outside the house with a 'free' sign so he better get his butt in gear if he wants it.

[Reedshoes]

So let me get this right..... he was staying in YOUR house? Sounds to me that this would have been beneficial to him.

You let him have a pet in your house (not everyone would- and they don’t need to give a reason why if they’re house)

Then he leaves and expects you to look after the little thing? (And you do) who paid for food and bedding out of curiosity?

So he’s using your property as storage because he’s not in a position to find somewhere bigger....

and he’s got the bare faced cheek to be having a go at you for giving away a few plastic bits away????!! Cheeky bas*ard!!

If I were you and he took that attitude with me, I’d be saying “right- never mind an August collect pet, you’ve got until this Wednesday to collect your shight or someone else will come and collect it for you and keep it. It’s outside in a bin bag right now”

[recycledteenager24]

Ifancy what exactly is wrong with an adult having a hamster as a pet ? according to you men don't, are women exempt then ? [i have two]

[TidyDancer]

You're definitely in the wrong for giving away his belongings without telling him first but I do understand why you did it.

[Kordelia]

i can't believe anyone is criticising you. He left you with the hamster for six months and took no interest? It's hardly the same as storing a painting for someone.

It was a mistake was not to get a firm answer about the stuff when he collected the dead hamster. But he owes you for the six months of care, which was a real imposition. I wouldn't be storing this massive cage. Give him a deadline of a few days then get rid.

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

You should probably have given him a deadline for taking them away, or else you were disposing of them, but given his utterly lackadaisical/CBA attitude I certainly wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.

[IFancyMrOnions]

What grown man keeps a hamster as a pet?

Tell him to come and collect his cage or else it's next

[Intelinside57]

All this faux legal expertise about the notice you should have given. My response to him would be "Don't be daft, we looked after your bloody hamster for 6 months with no interest or payment from you and are still tripping over the cage. The time to take this stuff was when you collected the hamster. Come and get the cage before Wednesday or we'll give that away as well. Any more fuss and we'll bill you for the pet-sitting."

[LIZS]

Unless you had paid for them they were not yours to donate. Did you get anything for them? If you no longer want the stuff he left give him a deadline to collect. Can you not dismantle the enclosure?

[DDiva]

No you shouldn't have given his stuff away. If you didnt want his stuff in your house you should have told him to collect it.

[SparkyBlue]

He abandoned an animal and people like that really make me mad. You really need to think long and hard before getting a pet. My children are mad for a dog but right now I know it's too much responsibility for us so that's why I am not getting one. You stepped in basically and gave the hamster a home. No way would he get an apology from me. He should be thankful to you for all the care and attention the hamster got. Has he ever asked to come and collect the cage or any of the other stuff? If not then tell him to get lost and that the cage is being given away as well unless he collects it ASAP and let him know that you hope to god he never abandons another unfortunate animal

[Fattyboom]

If he had no involvement for 6 months who had bought the food and bedding? If it was you then it wasn't his to get annoyed about