Is my ex MIL being a goady c##t?

[P999]

Or AIBU? My ex and I split acrimoniously 2 years ago and I always struggled with my interfering MIL during our relationship. The ex and I co-parent fine now. When we split, i got a lot of my feelings for my MIL off my chest to her and we are NC now. My DD spends 3 school nights at my ex's. The rest of the time with me. It's my 11 year old's birthday this week and she spent the day with her dad and his family. My exMIL, as part of her birthday present to her, gave her some personalised notelets with my DD's name and my ex's address on them. I've taken this as passive aggressive gesture. As though her main home is at my ex's. I know i should brush it off, but I feel she's trying to have a dig. Am I being over-sensitive or is she being a goady c**t?

[Pinkypink]

Yes, goady. Yes, she sounds like a proper c.
Don't react. Sounds like your dd already has her sussed

[PyongyangKipperbang]

I get it.

Its not the notelets, its the notelets on top of everything else.

So on their own, its not a big deal but as a straw on the camels back.......

However I do agree with the others that its a pretty crap attempt at a dig. Give it a couple of days, bin them and I bet your DD wont even notice.

[spongedog]

Perhaps she's hoping your DD will write thank you notes.

My DC is only a bit older than yours and they write lovely notes to relatives and friends to say thank you for presents. But that's when they're with me. I believe they do the same when they are with their dad. (But as he never said thank you for presents when he was married to me it would be a bit surprising).

So perhaps your DD can keep the lovely new notelets at her dad's and he can encourage their use.

Astonished by some other posters on here that their kids dont know what a notelet/writing paper would be used for.

[EL8888]

Yep she sounds like a pain, another good reason to not me with the ex

@billybagpuss exactly. They will probably never see the light of day, they will lie in a draw or cupboard for a couple of years then end up in the recycling

[Helendee]

She has two homes. I don’t see the problem to be honest.

[copperoliver]

Don't rise to her, she wants a reaction from you don't give it to her. X

[DameLucy]

Yes a bit goady but let it ride over you. No reaction is the best reaction.

[FizzyGreenWater]

I only heard about it cos my (then) 10 year old recognised it for the attempted dig that it was.

Honestly OP, she's digging her own grave.

They will end up not wanting to bother with her.

No child, absolutely no child ever ends up wanting to spend time with a family member who makes them feel awkward about their parents, or gets in digs, because to that child, it's like the dig is aimed at them. They are the sum of their parents.

They'll walk away from a relationship with a 'Granny' who does this to them, because they'll end up disliking her.

[Itwasntme1]

You need to pick your battles.

The notepaper is nothing, less than nothing. I am still struggling to understand how it could be annoying.

Yes there are other things she’s done which are infuriating. But you seeing insults in even the most benign gestures.

You need to get passed this rage, it is disproportionate and comes across as all consuming. Have you thought about counselling, help you let go?

[domesticslattern]

Your 11 year old will never use them so... meh.
My kids wouldn't even know what corner to put a stamp on an envelope frankly.

[P999]

I only get riled when she does goady stuff. Probably a lot more than am aware of. About a year ago, she told my kids'I know mummy doesn't care how dirty you are, but you really should wash your hair every day'. I only heard about it cos my (then) 10 year old recognised it for the attempted dig that it was. Yeah, i shouldn't let the sad old bitch rile me. But its good to get it off my chest. She's just pathetic.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

You’re very angry. It’s only hurting you.

[yomellamoHelly]

But when are they ever going to be used? Bit of a rubbish present imo, so not worth getting worked up over

[WaterOffADucksCrack]

hardly given her a passing thought. It doesnt look that way from this thread 😂

I could have happily slapped her at the time. Wish i had I hate racism and as a black woman have been on the receiving end of it many times. But violence doesn't make it right at all.

[P999]

Yep. I've been happily NC with her, and hardly given her a passing thought. She's a racist old bitch too. But that's another story. Dread to think what crap she says with my kids in earshot. She used to complain there were too few white kids at my DDs nursery when she was 3. In front of my DD. I could have happily slapped her at the time. Wish i had

[Nottherealslimshady]

Yabu it would be weird if she put your address on I think

[Itwasntme1]

OP I do think you are being unnecessarily aggressive about this.

I am sure there is a huge back story, but I. Solution his is really nothing to be upset about. I am can’t imagine ever even thinking about this.

[frazzledasarock]

What 11 year old writes and posts letters?

It’s a rubbish dig if it is one.

Ignore completely, you know she’s not a nice woman, don’t expect any niceness from her. Then you won’t be upset.

[P999]

And yep, definately not going to kick off. She probably wants my to kick off with the ex over it. That was her usual way of baiting. All her ex DILs (there are 3 of us. 2 of them are his brother's ex's) as well as her step daughter) think shes a manipulative bitch (oh, the stories i could tell) so i know am not alone in thinking she's a c**t. And why am always suspicious of her motives.

[Honeyroar]

It is his home though, as well as yours.. It’s really not important and not worth getting riled about.

[Itwasntme1]

3 school nights is nearly 50%.

I don’t really follow what’s wrong with her dads address being used. You daughter has two homes, his family sees her at her home with her dad🤷🏼‍♀️

[rosiejaune]

Presumably if your relative had bought it, it would have had your address on? So it's only goady if you think she deliberately found that present in the first place just so she could do that. Which seems unlikely.

[WaterOffADucksCrack]

If you've taken such offence to this how have you got through life?! If it had your address on it you'd probably take offence to that too! It's your childs birthday present, it isn't about you at all. YABU.

[PawPawNoodle]

Your daughter has two homes and thus two addresses. If you feel that passionately about it, get her some with your address too. I don't see how she's being a cunt.

[pilates]

Just smile and think how lucky you are she’s an ex mother-in-law