To want a cleaner

[HettySunshine]

We have three children, dd aged 6 and b/g twins aged 4. Boy twin is almost definitely on the autism spectrum and is very full on.

I work 4 days a week in a stressful (but enjoyable) job and dh works full time, also in a very intense role. We both really dislike housework.

Now that the twins get their 30 free hours at nursery, and will be starting school in September, we can certainly afford £50ish a month to pay for some help (we are extremely lucky in this respect).

My husband is not happy with the idea of getting a cleaner. He flaps his hands vaguely and says it would be embarrassing, but isn't able to really explain who he would feel embarrassed in front of or indeed how anyone would know if we don't tell them.

Our 'spare' time is full of children, washing, cooking, washing up etc. and things like vacuuming the stairs and properly cleaning the kitchen and bathroom just don't happen.

My family always had a cleaner growing up and DH's didn't, I imagine this probably colours both of our opinions.

I'm not being unreasonable to want to get a cleaner, am I? I'm tired of being stressed every weekend trying to clean while the children go along behind me messing everything up again.

[frustratedashell]

I'm a cleaner, I charge £15 @ hour. If you can afford it then have a cleaner. All my clients appreciate me, I dont feel that they look down on me. I enjoy cleaning , obviously some people dont. If paying someone else to do it helps you , then why not?
I dont go poking about in their personal stuff, I just wouldn't. If I happen to see something personal I keep that info to myself.

A few clients have paid me whilst I've not been allowed to go during the pandemic. I appreciated it very much as I dont qualify for any help, other than Universal credit.
I've started back at a few clients now and have been welcomed back eagerly! I think that some clients may never have me back as they're shielding etc.

Try to get your husband to agree to a trial, I hope you sort something out

[Tzigane]

With 3 kids it would be more like £50 a week. That's only 3-4 hours.

Unless of course your DH is offering to do 4 hours cleaning a week himself?

[Suzie6789]

Another voice saying definitely get a cleaner! Ours charges £12.50 ph and we have a 2 hr clean every week.
You will need to make sure you tidy up first but it’s great knowing that bathrooms Are properly cleaned and all the floors are mopped every week. Personally I hate cleaning and as soon as I went back to work FT and could afford it I employed a cleaner.
Don’t feel guilty, cleaners are simply offering a service, Like gardeners, beauticians etc.

[Guineapigbridge]

That fifty pounds is buying you the closest thing to happiness. Do it.

[Nacreous]

I can quite easily see that a cleaner might not be good value if they aren't very efficient.

But mine comes for 2 hours a week and cleans the kitchen and the bathroom, hoovers the whole house, changes the sheets and hangs out the washing while I'm at work (so it's dry when I get home) and then will either do some ironing or another random job that doesn't need doing every week like cleaning the oven or the fridge or the microwave, or the washing machine drawer.

I have to tidy the night before she comes but that's a good thing. Otherwise I wouldn't do it.

That day to day cleaning being done means I get round to the random jobs that I otherwise put off like cleaning the front door or whatever.

[yippityboomdeboom]

Definitely get a cleaner.
I've gone back to work full time after my mat leave ended but condensed to 4 days so save on nursery costs. (Like you I like my job so wanted to go back). The "compromise" is some of the money saved will go on a cleaner, I'm working full time and doing a day a week childcare, and my husband has been promoted recently working more demanding hours, we don't want to spend our precious free time cleaning. Having said that given the current situation and while we're both not having to commute we are holding off on a cleaner for the time being.

[nokidshere]

Secondly I completely disagree with the idea that the solution for cleaning is to pay (more often than not) a woman to come and do it. Not even getting involved in the fact that most are also immigrants that want to be doing something better either their skills and are low paid when you account for their lack of sick/maternity pay/pension/travel etc. We're all responsible for our shit (literally) and all the surfaces we use and touch. I've got 2 boys and if I can do one thing for them it's for them to grow up being able to look after themselves which includes being able to clean their own showers and mop their floors!

My cleaner is a local lady. She's been cleaning for years, long before mine. She says she loves it - who am I to argue? She sets her own hours and rates, she picks which jobs she wants, she enjoys the freedom she gets for her own family life, she's flexible, she sometimes takes on a big job if she's saving for something or works more hours. She never tidies up. We tidy everything the night before she comes, you can't appreciate a clean house if it's covered in mess. And I would never ask her to do anything I wouldn't be happy to do myself if I was able.

She hasn't been for 16 weeks. My two teenage boys (who are home from uni) have been cleaning the house. Admittedly they don't do quite as good a job as my cleaner but they are perfectly capable of cleaning to an acceptable standard. When they were younger they cleaned their own rooms and sorted their own bedding even though we had a cleaner.

I do not consider my cleaner beneath me. She is an equal and has my full respect for the job that she does.

My mum was a cleaner when I was small. She cleaned because it suited her too, and because most of her clients allowed her to take the children with her if she needed to. With six children under 10 and a useless husband there were always occasions at least one child needed to go with her.

[Ginandbearit1]

@Frazzledms I agree, the majority of cleaners are women, having to (literally) clean shit of people who dont want to do it themselves. Nothing ever changes eh, women always bottom of the pile, their employers always justify by saying 'but I pay more than minimum wage' blah blah. No one genuinely wants to clean other peoples mess, it is pretty degrading work.

[Lardlizard]

Although I want one too, I can understand your dh embarrassment it’s almost like saying you can’t cope as an adult and clean up after yourself ( I know it’s not) but I bet that’s what’s he’s thinking he’s some sort of incapable adult

[Lardlizard]

I want one too

[couchparsnip]

I have had a cleaning company come every week for about 12 years. They get paid well over minimum wage and have all the benefits every other employee has.

They have just started back after lockdown and we so missed them! If you can afford it then go for it. Your husband will get over his embarrassment and even if he doesn't they are only there a few hours a week so he'll have to cope or go out.

[Sunbird24]

If you can just get him to agree to a trial period, he may find it easier to see the benefits and get over whatever embarrassment he thinks he’ll feel.
I was worried what people would think when I first employed mine, as I was 30s, single, completely capable of doing it myself, just wanted my precious time out of work to be free for things I enjoyed. Then I got quite ill for a couple of years and desperately needed her anyway!
If you have something else that you really want to save the money up for that’s one thing, but otherwise why shouldn’t you use it to effectively buy your family more quality time together and a less stressed mum?

[Oysterbabe]

How big is your house? £50 a month won't go far. We have a small 4 bed semi. It has a cloakroom downstairs, main bathroom and ensuite off the loft room. Just to give you an idea of size.
It takes our cleaner around 5 hours to give the whole house a reasonable clean. We pay £12 an hour and she comes fortnightly.

[Frazzledms]

I've had occasional one off cleans which I've appreciated but personally wouldn't get a cleaner even though we can afford it and don't have the time. For one the job they do isn't brilliant, if I cleaned (and didn't tidy) for 3 hours the house probably would look great. Between 2 people that's 90 mins saving, less than 15 mins a day. I'm sure there are 15 minutes people can find and personally I find it's enough to keep on top of things. Yes our house isn't spotless, but I think that's quite healthy really.

Secondly I completely disagree with the idea that the solution for cleaning is to pay (more often than not) a woman to come and do it. Not even getting involved in the fact that most are also immigrants that want to be doing something better either their skills and are low paid when you account for their lack of sick/maternity pay/pension/travel etc. We're all responsible for our shit (literally) and all the surfaces we use and touch. I've got 2 boys and if I can do one thing for them it's for them to grow up being able to look after themselves which includes being able to clean their own showers and mop their floors!

I might however get a robot vacuum, cheaper than paying for loads of cleaning.

[HellSmith]

I’m with your H on this one I wouldn’t fancy having someone poking around in my home either. If you’ve always had someone cleaning up your mess then you won’t know any different, you’re H’s not, & is clearly embarrassed by this.

[FurbabyLife]

I highly recommend getting a cleaner! My DH and I couldn’t do without one now!

If your DH doesn’t want one her can take on all the chores!

[Carycy]

Hovel

[Carycy]

Definitely get a cleaner but you need to spend more than £50 a month. We have three kids and a four bed house and ours does 4 hours once a fortnight and that is £50 each time. Ours has started coming back now ( we did pay her when she wasn’t). I think a lot have started back and it’s a good time to get one. Once a fortnight is good for us as it’s actually stressful tidying up all the crap so she can clean so once a week would be too much for me. But then I am happy to live in a novel toward the end of the two week period!

[EL8888]

@Bluntness100 exactly! They are the experts, a decent cleaner is way more efficient and better at it than me

[EL8888]

Fine, if your husband feels that way then he can do all the cleaning! I think a cleaner will make life a hell of a lot easier and free you up. Life is too short when you are busy. I 100% vote for for it! How about suggesting it as a trial, if you husband is reluctant?

We are moving shortly (hopefully!) from a flat to a house. We are going to have a cleaner to deep clean the old place and then come weekly to the new place. We both work a lot and want some time to ourselves

[SimonJT]

Get a cleaner, they’re great.

Mine comes twice a week, on day one she generally vacuums throughout, deep cleans the bathroom and my sons room, she also does laundry and hangs it to dry. On day two she deep cleans the living area, kitchen and my room, she also irons some of the dry washing (shirts and stuff).

I tidy before she comes, but she has a little basket so if I have left anything laying around and it doesn’t have an obvious home (like a cushion) she pops it in the basket so it doesn’t hinder her. If I’m at home while she is cleaning she will just give the item to me rather than use the basket so I can put it away there and then.

In lockdown I didn’t have her in for a while, she knows what I’m like so she was texting me to give me daily cleaning tasks 😂

[Snowdown24]

To make the most of it I would do the tidying and the cleaner cleans, so I wouldn’t be asking them to tidy rooms but to hoover, dust, change bed sheets, mop the floors and wipe marks off walls. Tidying is pointless with kids and your better off doing that yourself

[Tlollj]

Fair enough. Send her to me please. Takes me ages to do mine😀

[Snowdown24]

Get a cleaner definitely.

If your husband doesn’t like it ask him to just trial it for a month to see how it goes and no one needs to know you have a cleaner if he feels uncomfortable with it.

After a month I’m sure he will love it as he will easily be able to see the benefits of it.

[MinnieMountain]

@Tlollj to be fair, reception room 2 is a conservatory which she just hovers and mops. I don't know, 20 years experience of cleaning? She told us how long it would take her when she started cleaning for us.