To be sick of being told how lucky I am

[FirstTimeMummyDS88]

Myself and DH have 2 children together DS1 is two and DS2 is 5 months and I'm really starting to get irritated with people telling me how lucky I am when're DH does something with our boys or around the house

Some examples

1. On the phone to a friend from work a few nights ago, I'm still on maternity when she asked if the boys were still up, I replied his DH had our boys to bed while I tidied up toys downstairs and her reply was "aww isn't he good doing that for you"

1. Last week I went outside to water some flowers in the front garden when a neighbour asked about the boys, I told her DH had took them out for a walk and she replied "it's nice of him to have them for you while you get a break"

1. In supermarket yesterday when the cashier must have noticed the picture i have of the boys as my phone screensaver and asked "they doing ok being stuck in?"

I told her they've been getting out almost daily walks and we're quite lucky to have a big garden so they're doing ok, she asked have I been taking them to shops and I replied no that DH was giving them lunch and putting them down for their naps while I get the shopping done. She replied "your lucky to have a Husband who babysits"

AIBU to think it's ridiculous in this day and day for people to think that a father doing his fair share of the work in raising his children means I am some sort of blessed wife who had a gift from god bestowed upon me.
He doesn't babysit, he is being a father!

I realise I'm probably being ridiculous getting annoyed by this but DS2 is teething and I've bot had much sleep and I forgot to get wine when I went shopping 😫

[SleepingStandingUp]

@ishouldtryabiteachdayy

I would bloody love my DH to babysit .. working outside the house long hours.

Is he their Step Dad then?

[SleepingStandingUp]

@Tinkerbell456

Disclaimer:Don’t have kids. However, do people seriously think it’s amazing that a father does stuff with/ for his kids? That fathers might actually enjoy doing things for and with their children? Wow!

Yes

Sad isn't it?

[G5000]

I often get home after 7 but manage to see my DC and spend my free time with them (well, I wouldn't call it babysitting, they're my own kids). But of course I'm the female parent so I'm still judged as an inadequate one who should not have had them at all, not praised as the hardworking one who deserves a break over the weekend..

[ishouldtryabiteachdayy]

@G5000 no.. It's not possible my DH to do anything with the kids weekdays. Out of the house 7-7 as does a 10 hour day plus an hours commute each way. I hate to say this but have to cut him some slack even on weekends.

So yes OP is lucky because a) it's possible b) because he does it. It shouldn't be unusual, but stay at home Dads are a minority, I only know one.

[G5000]

I would bloody love my DH to babysit .. working outside the house long hours

I don't understand. So you think he should get an extra job as a babysitter on top of that?

[ishouldtryabiteachdayy]

I would bloody love my DH to babysit .. working outside the house long hours.

[Mummato2864]

My opinion is that it would wind me up to! But I'm on the other side as my kids dad does nothin with the kids I have to do everything and that would still annoy me ha. There seems to be so many men who think its beneath them to help out at home/with the kids so I do believe you have got yourself a good one there tho. I won't use the word lucky haha x

[Blahblahblah99]

These kinds of comment rile me too.

Also irritating is when I hear 'bless him for trying'...

...er no I don't think making breakfast, laundry [insert basic chore here] is something beyond his ability. If he can manage to get himself dressed, hold down a day job managing a team, I think he can work out that it is not okay to pull the clean washing into a bag that previously had garden plants in and has traces of soil all over the bottom, or that honey on dry toast with a dippy egg do not work.

I blame his parents for allowing him to think that a woman's job is to manage the home and children (whilst still holding down a job), but he soon realised that wasn't going to happen and that we needed to work together.

When I hear that 'you are lucky' phrase on any contribution that my husband makes to either home or children my eyes roll. I really don't understand why women let their partners get away with not pulling their weight.

[beautifulmonument]

Hmm nobody ever tells me how lucky I am that my DH does all the day time childcare, dropping off, picking up, appointments etc.

They do tell me I am lucky to be married to a chef though

[Tinkerbell456]

Disclaimer:Don’t have kids. However, do people seriously think it’s amazing that a father does stuff with/ for his kids? That fathers might actually enjoy doing things for and with their children? Wow!

[Merryweather80]

My partner once said to me he’d babysit while I did x, that comment was corrected pretty quickly.
I guess gender roles and parenting of children is still pretty much archaic in some people’s opinions.

[AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter]

You should check your priviledge

Its a "privilege" for men to look after their own kids?! Nah sorry you can piss right off with that mysogynistic BS

[Ladybyrd]

You should check your priviledge

Or others should check their standards....

I have friends who moan like hell that their partner does nothing (and I really do mean NOTHING) around the house. It just doesn't compute to me. We are no longer living in an age where we are kept (usually). So why would you accept the life of an unpaid skivvy?

A lot do though.

[SleepingStandingUp]

@user1471500037

You should check your priviledge

Are you on the right thread?

[JustC]

@user1471500037

You should check your priviledge

Expecting what you put into a relationship to be put in by the other person is not privilege, it should be the norm. Of course the reality is a lot of people are being abused, or taken advantage off, we all know that. That does not mean we shouldn't still expect equal share to be the norm. That is not privilege, that is something we all should expect and strive to offer.

[Eckhart]

What do you mean, @user1471500037?

[user1471500037]

You should check your priviledge

[AllieAct]

This drives me mad.

I am currently working full time from home whilst COVID has my husband down to working one day a week.

Our neighbours/his parents STILL bang on about what a great Dad he is and how lucky I am because he’s looking after our children whilst I work.

Unbelievable.

[Sceptre86]

*for

[Sceptre86]

This would and does piss me off. My mum and mil are the worst culprits for it. I often get told I am lucky that dh will do the bed and bath time routine. I am not sat on my arse doing nothing at this point I will be cleaning the kitchen and running the hoover around the house before the kids go to bed. No one ever says my dh is lucky to have a working wife who pays the household bills and does 70% of all childcare. He is a good dad and when we are both home our parenting is 50:50 but it annoys me that he gets praise dor simply being a dad whereas I should be a martyr because I am the mum.

[Rosebel]

Yes your husband should be parenting as much as you do but you must know from reading on here a lot of men don't. So yes a lot of people will think you're lucky.
Children (or mine anyway)always come to me even if it means they have to walk past their dad or ask him where I am. When they were younger it would be for things like drinks or snacks and I was like ask your dad.
Even now it's mum what's for tea or mum what time is tea?
Why? I'm not the only parent in the house and funnily enough when I'm not there they do mange to ask their dad.
So it's not just adults who assume men "help out."

[LaStreng]

The bar for men is so low. So pathetically low. Those responses aren't the fault of the women who said them but the men that they've seen and known as fathers and just shows how many women have only ever see men half arse fatherhood and get applauded for it.

[KizzyWayfarer]

YANBU, saying it’s ‘lucky’ to have a partner who does childcare/housework shows a belief that really these things are a woman’s responsibility. It’s lovely if men deign to parent their own children a little bit or ‘help’ with housework but we can’t expect it of them, what with all their important male responsibilities to deal with. Or their penis gets in the way or something.

[Runnerduck34]

I get why you are irritated by it, It says a lot about social conditioning and expectations.
However they dont mean it unkindly, its more than likely they had little support from their dh when their kids were small.
Trouble is it inadvertently reinforces low expectations of fathers

[Fowles94]

YANBU just because you didn't pick a shit dad for your kids. You should say it too. You should say, no he's looking after his own kids and leave it like that.