AIBU to be disappointed that uncle won’t visit us and the kids now social bubbles possible?

[britflick]

The kid’s uncle who lives on his own (aged 39 and healthy), won’t visit us and the kids cos he’s still extremely anxious about coronavirus. He sees us as a big risk to him. The children are craving family contact, and he’s just getting depressed and isolated on his own. AIBU to be annoyed?

[SuperSleepyBaby]

Is he depressed? How was he before the lockdown?

[cologne4711]

Jeez, you’re a judgemental lot aren’t you

Yes they are, they are being nasty for the sake of it.

I don't think you are being unreasonable but if he has no underlying conditions, he is overanxious at his age, especially if he won't even meet you outdoors. It could be that he wants to be in a bubble with someone else but it doesn't sound like it. Not sure what you can do though. Just keep getting in touch and he might change his mind in due course. Does he have a job? Presumably he's going to have to go back to work at some point and can't hide away at home forever.

[bumblebeefairy]

I agree it is his choice reasonably to make. Plus there may be other factors such as a health condition you arent aware of that puts him at higher risk. I would continue to phone him regularly, perhaps do activities if possible via video call with the family etc.

[CodenameVillanelle]

He's clearly way overly anxious and I would worry about how bad his mental health is at the moment. YANBU to want to see him but I would pick someone else.

[Samtsirch]

@britflick
I understand why you are concerned, I have a family member in the same situation.
I just try to keep in contact daily or every other day so that he has someone to speak to, and I keep offering to meet, go for a walk etc, so that the offer is always there. I have accepted that at the moment there’s not a lot else I can do, and this may be the same for you.

[Splodgetastic]

Maybe he has a secret girlfriend or boyfriend that he doesn't want to introduce or a health condition he doesn't want for talk about. The support bubble is meant to be support for the person living on their own, not for you.

[SirSamuelVimesBlackboardMonito]

He's clearly way overly anxious and I would worry about how bad his mental health is at the moment.

Yes to this. Unless there's an underlying condition, he really shouldn't be reacting like this.

[Ohtherewearethen]

Right, but your post asked if you were being unreasonable to be annoyed that he doesn't want to meet you and your children. You didn't day you were concerned or that you felt it would do him some good. You said you were annoyed that he didn't want to see you and the kids. So yes, it did come across as it just benefitting you and yours. You're now trying to change it to being worried about him, which is not at all what you said originally.

[almalm]

YABU.
You've offered him the opportunity to form a bubble with you. He has chosen not to.
He might have someone else he wants to form a bubble with - a partner possibly. It might be a partner you know nothing about.

[TheCanyon]

Maybe he doesn't want your dc foisted on him? I'm quite surprised at home sensible my son's have been, thought they would be right over the second sturgeon said we could have 8.

[IsolatedIzzy]

People are dealing with this is their own way! I thought I was risk averse then found my friends - a couple/ had left the house for the first time in 12 weeks - on Monday! It was their first walk!
We're all in our 50's, so I guess a bit more at risk but I was really shocked!

[ConstantlySeekingHappiness]

The children are craving family contact

I think it was this line that suggested it was for your children’s benefit rather than his.

How much pressure are you putting on him? Are you saying that your kids are desperate to see him? Are you making it sound like it’s all about your children and how important it is to them?

[whywhywhy6]

Yes YABU. He can decide what he does.

[britflick]

Sorry I give up. Is it wrong for my children to want to see their uncle who they love and miss?
Thank you to all of you who offered constructive advice.

[CuppaZa]

YABU

[Whathewhatnow]

Perish the thought your children and you night also have needs! Harsh comments here. I dont think you're being unreasonable to be disappointed. Dealing with people with MH issues can be extremely frustrating and very hard going. And I sat that as someone with a history of MH issues and extensive family experience before anyone takes umbrage! Is he your brother or BIL?

[Witchend]

It's not wrong for them to want to see him.
It's also not wrong for him not to want to see them.

If he's happy on his own, and wanting to stay that way then he shouldn't be pressurised to see anyone except of his choice.

The best thing you can do is offer that if he would like you, on your own or with the kids, to come round, then you're happy to do so, and then leave the subject.

Nothing brings out my inner hermit more than people trying to pressurise me to meet up.

[livefornaps]

Oh god no way would I want this! I'd rather stick alone in my happy solo bubble, drinking wine alone on the sofa, leaving the "bubble" open to a sneaky shag, rather than open the floodgate fucking gates to snotty-nosed children putting their fingers on everything.

[RandomMess]

Actually YANBU to be disappointed, it's always disappointing when someone you want to spend time with doesn't want to spend time with you/your DC

[Khione]

You're not unreasonable to be disappointed as per your title but a bit unreasonable to be annoyed.

An otherwise healthy 39 year old is a bit 'unreasonable' to still be frightened of leaving his flat and I don't think you would be unreasonable to worry about him a bit but really there is very little you can do.

I am very very surprised to see how many on here still think he is reasonable to be scared though. The government have really done a number on some people.

[Jaxhog]

Maybe he doesn't like your kids (or you) as much as you think?

[lucyintheskywithcz]

His choice YABU

[GalwayGrowl]

You're not unreasonable but neither is he.

Neither of you are wrong. It's up to each individual to decide what's best for them in this situation.

What would you like us to say? This isn't a clear cut right or wrong situation.

[letsjustallbenice]

@britflick

Jeez, you’re a judgemental lot aren’t you. I don’t want entertainment, babysitting or anything else. Just want me and the kids to be able to speak to him face to face.
I have been trying to help him everyday but he rejects any steps towards anything positive.

yes they are being abit unfair on you and dont know you that well, im sorry that he doesnt want to come that is a shame for you and your children, we are in a similar position but try not to take it personal because it is nothing to do with you, he sounds very anxious and some people still are, thats all you can do is let him know the offer is there and be there for him as you have been already, you will see him soon enough im sure

[ilovesooty]

It sounds as though he doesn't consider it "a mutually beneficial meet up".